


Dims The Fading Light

by Sonny



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-06-14
Updated: 2009-06-14
Packaged: 2017-10-14 16:12:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 67,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/151105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonny/pseuds/Sonny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel To Only Still, Have Will ; An awkward moment between "friends" sends Ted and Justin on an exploratory sexual adventure neither had expected...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Uhm... the *muse* made me do it... and then Ted "Theodore" Schmidt won my heart and I HAD to tell his story

It was late.

Emmett had already called to cancel, saying he had a "hot prospect" he had been in pursuit of for quite awhile. Now was his chance to seek out an opportunity. So it looked as if Ted was in for a candlelight Meal For One and the latest selection from his online porn DVD rental, JizzFlix.

At least these days he could cry in the privacy of his own home, on the Internet, as his soft core/hard core erotica cache built. No longer needing to grace his presence inside of an adult video store and drag his sorry ass back out, alone and pathetic. Plus, the return policy was golden.

He was six tissues into the second DVD when the doorbell rang...

 _How odd..._ Ted glanced at the digital clock on his DVD player. It was 8:35pm.

Tucking himself back into his boxers, Ted tied his robe closed, stood up from the sofa and made his way over to the door to look through the peephole.

 _Ohhhh, fuck!..._ Ted leaned his forehead on the paneling, closing his eyes in bittersweet misery... _Christ Almighty... what now?_

Ted opened the door, leaning a hip on the shape. "Sorry. Brian isn't here." He didn't mean to sound rude, but at least Justin should've had the common decency to call before... _wait..._ "... fuuuuuck..." Ted set his brow on the edge of the door. "You've been trying to call me, haven't you?" He knew right where his phone was, still safely hidden in his desk drawer back at the office where he had thrown it in a fit.

Justin raised two dark blond brows. "... AND TEXTING!" He let the smirking slip out, only because Ted looked so guilty and apologetic. Justin knew he had been an annoying little shit the last few hours, thinking Ted was purposefully ignoring him. "I may have left you a voicemail, telling you I was on my way over."

"Yeah, well..." Ted kept his eyes downcast, his hand on the door ready to shut it closed. "... come back tomorrow, that's when I'll have gotten _all_ your messages." He tried to close the paneling, but Justin put out a foot to stop the process.

"I'm not here for Brian. He, obviously, doesn't care about me." Justin rolled his eyes at, maybe, finally catching a hint, or a small clue, that things between them were _really_ over.

Ted had to reopen the door slightly to furrow his brow for Justin's benefit. "You _really_ think he doesn't?"

"Excuse me?" Justin let out a short laugh, hard to think Ted's voice actually sounded as if he was ready to _defend_ Brian.

"I bet a full-paid scholarship to PIFA says otherwise."

Justin had sense enough to avert his head on a heavy sigh of exasperation. Yeah, there was _that_. "All right, yes... I _deserved_ that." He looked down both sides of the corridor, making sure he was truly considering asking Ted if he could stay awhile and keep him company. He hated to ponder going back to the cold and lonely loft tonight. "Can I..." Justin raised one hand to gesture past the doorway into the condo. "... come in?"

"Uhm..." Ted did glance over his shoulder, but mostly to make sure he had paused the porn and it hadn't gone beyond the moment he had gotten up to answer the door. "... yeah." He stepped back to open the paneling a little wider. "But pardon the mess. I wasn't expecting company." At this point, Ted didn't care what Justin could see at face value, on the coffee table - _the porn, the wayward dildos, the pile of Kleenex and the "great value" size of hand lotion_. There was no more leverage needed to make an good, decent impression.

Justin set his backpack and art case on the floor. When he looked around and saw how tiny, cramped and... _solitary_ the whole place appeared, he had to swallow hard. In the passing of his eyes, Justin could detect what Ted had really been in the middle of before he knocked on the door. " _... teddy..._ " He had heard _stories -_ _more like urban myths, at this point_ \- and Brian's continual taunting of his older adversary. Justin never imagined that he would stumble upon actual _proof_. "... you hound dog." Justin shoved his tightening fists into his light jacket. It relieved him to discover that he wasn't the only one who had inklings of self-pleasure. Ted was truly doing "it" in the privacy of his own apartment, instead of sequestered in only a small bedroom, like most horny teenagers.

"Yeah, well..." Ted swiped up the used tissues to clunk them into the small trash can in the living room area. "... it's a great stress reliever." He put the lotion back in the hide-away drawer inside the coffee table. "Can I offer you a soda? Anything to eat?" He motioned toward his fridge. "I have leftovers." Ted tucked his hands into the robe pockets.

"You ate already?" Justin's voice went a little higher at the end, as if shocked.

"Yes. Once I knew Em wasn't--wait... you, uh..." Ted had heard the tone to Justin's voice as if stunned he could eat alone on a daily basis. His eyes ventured to the single place setting still visible at his breakfast bar. "... _were you waiting to have dinner with me?_ " Ted tilted his head in perplexity.

 _Was that why Justin had been calling him? Trying to reach him tonight?_

"Maybe." Justin looked down, a bit shy, stubbing the tip of his shoe into the carpeting. He leaned a hip against the back of a lone chair, as part of the living room furniture. "Had you let me ask you earlier this afternoon." Justin rolled his hand to mean when he called Ted at Kinnetic today and had been pleasantly brushed off.

"Mmm... sorry." Ted rubbed at his lower jaw, feeling the stubble coming on. He squinted his eyes in mock pain. Without realizing it, he had really been a jackass. "I'm not used to people asking _me_ out."

Justin blushed, thinking that it was only supposed to be a friendly get-together, but since their near-coupling outside of the loft he was thinking of something more happening afterward. He lifted his chin, narrowing his eyes on Ted's face. It was weird - _in the barely lit isolation of the small condo,_ Justin could swear Ted didn't seem any older than Brian. Even looking a little younger with the unkempt, rumpled look of having "let himself go". "How old are you? Really?" People already freaked about the age difference between he and Brian. Justin could probably tack on a year or two for Ted's sake. _Christ..._

"I'm old enough to be your..." Ted searched the ceiling above for the perfect analogy. "... strapping witty uncle..."

Justin gained some confidence as he chuckled deeply, relaxing as he learned Ted was in a similar predicament. How did someone go beyond an awkward sexual moment you wanted _more_ of, not knowing how to ask politely? "Do I make you nervous?"

"Huh?" Ted heard the question. He just couldn't fathom how Justin had picked up on that feeling. He took out his hands from his pockets to shake them and alternately squeeze them into fists, before he folded forearms over his chest.

"When you're nervous... you always crack some joke about yourself." Justin wrinkled his brow in curiosity. "Why?"

"Why- _what_?" Ted swallowed with some difficulty. Jesus... was he _that_ predicatable? Or was Justin unusually alert to his mannerisms and quirks? _Why the fuck--?_

"Why would _**I**_ make you nervous?" Justin tried to fold his arms, just like Ted had his, but he was slowly approaching. A hand broke free to tug gently on the robe tie strings, allowing the hemmed lapels to drape open.

"I've, uh..." Ted let his arms fall to his sides. He knew it would be rude to swat the hand away, so he simply stared down at the pale fingers on the dark material of his robe. "... let my body go..." He knew how undressed he was underneath.

No shirt - _bare chest -_ and only his boxers with a semi-woody beneath the easy-access crotch. Ted wished he could be as metrosexual as the next gay man, shaving his chest and sculpting his pubes to look more refined and perfect. He couldn't help how his body hair wanted to grow, shaping over his upper chest and around his nipples to taper down his middle torso to disappear into the waistband of his clothes. Not to mention he was working the "love handles" and a bit of a gut. Ted wasn't fat, but he wasn't completely flat, either. 

Justin raised one lone eyebrow, only in confoundment how the very sight of Ted's half-naked body could be so arousing. Years of Brian's body, and the muscular men of Babylon, not having skewed his idea of sexiness one iota. Or was it just from not having had sex in such a long time, he was willing to have anything, or anybody? "I like a little meat on the bones. Something to--"

Ted couldn't believe how much he wanted those fingertips to brush over his skin. "... hold onto..." He continued to stare at the hand, willing it to move without being asked or begged for.

Justin raised his other hand to cup the side of Ted's right cheek. He was able to step closer, almost bare toe to shoe. "I can't stop wanting to _kiss_ you." The "kiss" was only the start to the _something more_ he would like to try for. Justin's lips were mere inches away from Ted's startled, parted mouth. "Can I?"

Ted closed his lids, feeling the fingers filter through his hair, touching his scalp, caressing behind his ear. " _... justin..._ " He brought up both arms, hands clenched into fists to push against the chest. Instead of pushing, the fingers opened and lay flat to the shirt under the open jacket. Ted reopened his eyes at half-mast, sensing his body's reaction to simply being touched after having cum several times, a few hours ago. In fact, mere minutes before Justin had shown up at the door.

"I promise." Justin skimmed his nose over Ted's, finding those once normal brown eyes darkening to a caramel hue. He let out a tiny smile of encouragement. "No tongue this time."

" _Oh, gawd..._ " Ted exhaled on a soft gasp, his fingers grasping at the material of Justin's shirt, feeling the warm chill of the body having come from being outside.

Justin shaped his hand lower, around Ted's nape, bringing their faces in more. He lightly brushed their mouths together, resting his forehead on Ted's lower brow. "Can I...?" He brought both hands to the same level, between their bodies. "... _touch_ you?" He kept his head bowed, feeling hot breath being blown over his face.

Justin touched anyway, sending his hands along the collarbone to slip off the robe. The material piled onto the floor. He quickly slipped out of his own jacket, sending it over the back of the chair he had been standing next to. Wide blue eyes found the billowed mound under the boxers, a sign of the newest erection. Justin licked his lips, then gazed up and down the body before him. Of course, not _perfect_... and nothing like Brian's, but for Ted, it was _just right_.  

Ted blinked slowly, growing more self-conscious. He bent to pick up his robe and put it back on. The lapels gaped open more, the tie strings dangling off the sides. "All right..." He moved around Justin to head to the front door, grabbing for the knob. "... I, uh, think we've taken this as far as we can go."

Justin didn't turn around, keeping his back to Ted's lowered gaze. "Kicking me out already?" He reached out to latch onto the upper curve of the chair for balance. He felt a bit of weakness in his knees. _What the fuck?_ Justin couldn't find any motivation to want to leave. "I haven't even eaten or had a drink."

"Please..." Ted shook his head at the flimsy excuse to stay. "I'm sure there's tons of food and drinks at the loft."

"... but no one's there..."

Ted felt his heart clutch tight at the sound of that word. One that he had heard several times in his own head. _**He**_ had grown accustomed to doing much in his life on his own, without anyone. _Why did it pelt him so badly to hear it from someone so young?_ "Tough." One hand still on the knob, the other tucked safely in the robe pocket, he resigned in himself that everyone had to learn sometimes when to rely on only themselves for fun and/or pleasure.

"You were right." Justin moved swiftly around the chair to sit on the cushion.

"I was?" Ted furrowed his brow in bewilderment. _How had that happened?_ "About _what_?"

"You--being my last hope..." Justin clamped his hands on the arms on the chair, preparing not to move an inch. "... my only friend."

"Nice try." The self deprecating laugh was a bit loud, echoing into the hallway outside the door. "You know you'd be out with Emmett if he wasn't on a 'date' tonight."

"No." Justin raised an index finger, wagging in mid-air. " _That_ is the lie." He twisted his head to the right, his eyes gazing down at where Ted stood at the door, ready to shove him out the condo. "The truth is... I can't stop thinking about you." Justin said the words almost into his shoulder, letting his jaw rest on his biceps. He wished he could look at Ted directly and speak the words. This felt like Flirting 101 and a slight case of shyness at meeting someone for the first time. He could feel his body growing hot, his face was most likely in a quick flush.

"Wait until Brian gets back, that's when I become invisible the best."

"Will you at least sit down?" Justin cleared his throat as he gestured toward the sofa that was placed perpendicular to the chair he was seated on. "I can't see you." He rubbed a shaking hand over his face, at the side of his nose. He was realizing he had a lot of baggage to push through in order to simply remain inside Ted's home. It had been easier to win Brian over than it was to win Ted over. That was surely strange.

"Justin..." Ted wandered over to Justin's right side, both hands now tucked into the robe pockets. "... _why are you here? Really?_ " He was trying to cover his groin as it was at the perfect level to Justin's face. Or at the very least, a right hand to reach out and find what was hidden beneath. Ted noticed the temptation to look with a little glance that Justin was trying to prevent.

"I just told you."

"Sorry... all the blood's rushing to my crotch." Like Ted had to show proof as it was clearly evident without needing to brush aside the robe material.

Justin chuckled, biting at his thumbnail as he suffered a glance to his right. He kept a smile on his face. "You don't believe me?" He was used to many of the men in his life not trusting in his words. Everyone had such experience behind them, it was tough to take anyone's word as bond.

"Oh, I would..." Ted shifted over to now lean on the side paneling of his entertainment center. "... if you didn't have _Brian Kinney_ to go home to every night."

Justin bowed chin to chest, feeling the jab to his gut. It had hit the intended nerve. "I don't--I don't _have_ Brian. I doubt I _ever_ did."

"Well, I could've told you that." Ted looked away, glancing upward. "In fact, we all may have told you over time, but you chose to ignore us old fogies."

"Yes, I know. And especially from Brian, himself."

"Stubborn, aren't you?" Ted shook his head, looking down at the top of the blond head.

"Determined." Justin raised his chin a bit, biting down on his bottom lip.

"So... what do you think _this_ is, between you and I?"

"I asked you _first_." Blue eyes raised to catch wary brown ones.

"You really want my _honest_ opinion?"

"Please..." Justin exhaled, swallowing a huge lump in his throat.

Ted crossed his arms behind him, resting his backside on his hands. He forgot that it opened his robe again, draping the material on either side of his boxers. Blue eyes never dropped once from his steady gaze. "I think I am a means to _get_ to Brian."

Justin felt a bit unsettled. It was _somewhat_ true. "You are?" He wanted to hear Ted's theory, see if it actually matched.

"Not in the sense that Michael is." Ted raised his chin higher than usual. "What do you think Brian would do to know that we almost--?"

Justin crossed an ankle over a knee, leaning to the left in the chair. "The same way he's nonchalant about that orgy with you. Or the random men I'm with when I'm not with him. Or even _with_ him."

"That's not _me_."

"What?"

"I'm not _that_ guy. I've never been _that_ guy."

"What _guy_?"

"The one who - _I don't know_ \- gives you what you don't get from Brian."

"You want a 'boyfriend'?" Funny, Justin wanted the same thing, but no one would take him seriously.

Ted had to snicker because Justin made it sound like it was beyond a realm of sanity to want. All thanks to Kinney. "No. Christ, not--" He put out his hand to defend his choices, which had been fine for this long. "I know I can't have what Michael and Ben do, but I want to attempt it. Or _something_ like it. I want the monogamy more than anything. And... I wouldn't mind building a future together. Just so I know I'm not stuck with Em for eternity."

They shared a small laugh, both finding it rough to even deal with Emmett in their lives in the present. Ted averted his head, not catching the way in which Justin was breathing heavier or the way his keen blue eyes watched the body move, pacing the floor to the huge window overlooking this part of the city skyline.

"How was _it_?" Justin was curious, even more now as he got to know Ted, personally. "Your relationships you have had? Were they everything you hoped and more?"

"Wha-? What is _this_?" Ted turned his back to the window frame, not realizing he was shaped by street lights and what little illumination was left in the room.

"I wanna--" Justin sighed, scratching at his scalp to find the right words. "I've known you as long as I've known Brian, but, yet... last night..." He shook his head at how fascinated he had been by what had almost happened and that he could have wanted it so bad. "... the kiss, our mutual pleasuring." Justin lifted pleading blue eyes to admit the same to him. "There's a _you_ I don't know, but I want to."

"Why? What for?"

"Because, besides Em... and, well, EM... I don't have many friends."

 _A friend? Is that all that Justin wanted? A fuck buddy other than Kinney?_

"What about that pretty girl I see you with?"

A tiny smile slipped out of one side of Justin's mouth. "Daphne?" So Ted had paid some attention to him.

"What? You two aren't best friends anymore?"

"We are. I think." Justin crossed arms over his chest, grabbing onto his biceps. "We've drifted apart over the years. I'm not sure we have much in common any longer."

 _Christ!_ Justin was still such a innocent, misguided youth. "You ever asked her? Or did you just assume?"

"Maybe a bit of both."

"I'm still not fully comprehending why you've become interested in _knowing_ me."

"I, uh... I hear that you've been through tons of 'scenes', certain _fetishes_." Okay... now came one of the reasons Justin was seeking out Ted.

"And?"

"I wanna know."

"Know--?" Ted extended his hand for more information. "Why?"

"... 'cuz, uhm... I'm thinking that a particular culture might be in my future. Brian has kept me away, refusing to let me explore with him. Now, uh... it looks as if he's in some kind of 'training'." Justin didn't want to come right out and admit to where he'd been and what he'd seen with his own eyes. Just vague references.

"Training?" Ted frowned with some curiosity. "Like in a marathon?"

"No." Justin let out a forced laugh, wiping at his face. His palms were sweating a little. He wiped them on his jeans. "Like he might want to get into some 'role playing' of the, uhm... borderline **S &M** variety."

Ted couldn't stop chuckling at the idea. "Brian Kinney? A true _**Master**_ of his own realm?"

"I don't know... maybe..."

"And you can't simply go up and ask?" Ted would've thought Justin's balls were pretty huge. He had gotten Brian to do so much for him already.

"No, but... it _is_ my birthday coming up. I thought he could be--"

"No." Ted pushed off the wall to head to the door again.

"No?" Justin sat forward, feet planted on the ground. His gaze followed Ted across the carpet to the open door.

"There's no way in hell Brian would touch a **sub** / **Dom** lifestyle. Not in the serious **BDSM** culture and not even in a 'lite' sense of **S &M**." _Did Justin not hear at least once about Brian's childhood, with his father, Jack?_ The infamous Jack Kinney.

"Excuse me?" Justin snickered lightly. "Was that even English?" He recalled hearing some of those terms inside the club last night.

" **Dom**... is Dominant... **sub** is submissive. They're the roles people play in a **BDSM** relationship... bondage/discipline with the sadism/masochism." Ted didn't even want to get into how and why he knew this stuff.

"There's different, uh... levels?" Justin wanted to ask what he had seen last night. To him, it was the underground culture of S&M, but he could've been seeing something completely different than what he thought. He rubbed his hands together, his mind wandering to the images of what it would be like to have someone being a Dominant over him, in the position of that man strapped to the table. The man Brian knew personally and had seemed to have spent the night with.

Ted cleared his throat, deciding to shut the door finally. The conversation was turning into a more private topic. "You're more than curious about me and not even caring what Brian's into. You wanna know more about the 'world', don't you?" He leaned back on the paneling, his body becoming a bit more relaxed and calm. This was an oddly comfortable point of discussion for him.

"Yes... I do." Justin had placed his voice at a softer tone, one of a more willing pupil. He couldn't look at Ted over his shoulder, simply staring straight ahead.

"Why?"

God, that word alone burned a hole in Justin's brain. _Why...the fuck_ _ **not**_ _?_ He sat further forward in the chair, his eyes now looking at the screen in mid-pause, the rest of the DVDs on the coffee table, the dildos that hadn't been put away. He could feel himself growing a little hard, the thought of one of those monsters inside of him, pounding away. "I don't know. Shouldn't I be willing to become passionate about what my... uh, partner likes in bed?" His mind began to wonder what Ted was like with his _lovers_ , having watched countless of good and bad porn over the years. There was no telling what resources Ted had stored in his mind, ready to attempt in his own social-sexual lifestyle. Somehow Justin couldn't see any of the men Ted had dated being that adventurous in the sack. But he was learning that weirder things were possible.

"He's not the best role model, you know."

"I do, but he makes everything look so damn easy."

"What's so wrong with you?"

"Huh?" Justin gulped down the nerves, sparing a glance over his shoulder. Ted's voice was getting closer to him, the bare feet making silent steps toward the chair. He was becoming more aroused at the thought of Ted being near.

Ted squatted beside the right side of the chair, hanging onto the arm that Justin was no longer using. "Why do you feel you have to be less like 'Justin' simply to be with someone?" He watched Justin lean back in a slouch against the cushion, then he reached out to merely soothe a hand up and down the bare forearm. Ted was a little startled by the shivering he could feel, the goosebumps along the skin. "Decisions like these should enhance who you already are."

"So..." Justin let his gaze trail along Ted's touch. "... you _won't_ help me?" He felt saddened by the loss, even though he knew Ted might not take his offer.

"I wasn't saying 'no' to helping you." The blue eyes finally raised to his face, directly staring and intense. Ted could see the frantic rise and fall of the chest to breathe evenly. "I just don't think Brian's willing to even contemplate one 'whip' of that scene." He smirked at his own joke, knowing that Justin might not pick up on it.

"So... you _will_ help me?" Justin watched Ted drop to his knees now, taking back his hand to lean his head on the underside of the wrist to look at him.

"Honey, what _exactly_ am I supposed to be _doing_ for you?"

It was the low-timbered voice that made Justin close his eyes briefly, but trying to catch his breath. " _... cum for me..._ " He knew it once he had noticed everything around the room, on the coffee table. He had never been one to participate in voyeurism, but being able to watch what Ted did to himself, to then think about what he would do to a man in his bed--the prospect was enthralling.

"Excuse me?" Ted did a comical slip of his head off his hand, but Justin didn't smile. In fact, he looked serious and determined, like he had stated earlier. Ted couldn't recall anyone ever demanding he "perform" for them, all by his lonesome.

"Do _whatever_ you have to do to make yourself cum for me." Justin sat upright, leaning on the right arm toward Ted as he backed away. He was able to glance down to see that Ted's cock was rather excited about the idea.

"What? You don't think I could--?"

"Take off your robe. Pull out your cock and stroke yourself." Justin attempted to reach down and take out the appendage himself to stroke, but Ted got to his feet.

Laughing nervously, Ted crossed arms over his chest which closed his robe. "I don't do these sort of things on command." He was refusing to move to the sofa, remaining standing near the door, not facing the TV.

"Really?" Justin sat forward to reach for the remote control he could see on the coffee table. He moved the chair back, more closer to the arm of the sofa, caddy-corner. He crossed his left ankle over his right knee, then pressed PLAY. There were only the sounds of sex - _the grunting and groaning of two men fucking one another rather hard and fast_. Justin was ready to wait the moment out to let Ted retake his position on the sofa, in the same exact spot he had been in the last time he had masturbated.

Ted was smirking, pretending like he wasn't bothered by the porn. Since it was one he hadn't seen all the way through - _well, even it had been, he could still get equally aroused_ \- his head kept returning to watch the screen, while keeping an eye on Justin's face. It was even worse when the two actors, who were widely known as fabulous "bottoms", were ones Ted could imagine fucking in real life, which was why he had gotten off so many times already. He crossed the entertainment center, coming around the opposite side of the coffee table to sit further away from Justin than he had sat earlier when he had been alone.

Justin could see how uncomfortable it was for Ted to sit there and do _nothing_. Ted began squirming, no longer able to keep his knees closed in a determined stance of refusing to obey. He slowed down the technique of opening his robe, stretching the material out fully, as if experienced in the art of "romancing the self" for pleasuring.

"I want to make you aware..." Ted put up his right hand, index finger jutting out. "... I am _not_ doing this because you asked me to." His fingers now pointed to his bare chest, playing at pulling the chest hair and sliding over a pert nipple. " _ **I**_ am my own man!" The fingers slid expertly along the torso, down to the elastic waistband. The erection was now curled about the left side of his hip, he rubbed over the thin cotton material. Ted twisted his head back around to face away, toward the screen, as he reached inside for his length, beginning to pet the underside of the scrotum. He couldn't keep himself hidden for too long before he was pulling on the tip to come out as it was now a solid form and leaning back, pointing upward against his lower abdomen. Ted happened to spare a mere glance at the screen once he had intensely stared blue eyes down, and for a moment he arced his head back as a climatic wave rushed through him at the scene performed in front of him. " _... oh... my gawd..._ " He closed his lids, licking the circumference of his lips.

Justin was stuck between hilarity and fascinated arousal. The fact that Ted could multi-task and make the action look stimulating was astounding. Beforehand, Justin had promised himself that he was only going to remain impassive, just be an "observer. But it wasn't long before he had both feet on the ground again, his own legs spreading apart. He began to soothe along his crotch, over the denim covering his own hardness. Then Justin couldn't wait any longer. He made quick work of the button and zipper, lifting up the bottom hem of his t-shirt to expose his bare midriff. He lifted his backside a little to lower the jean waistband, leaving his briefs where they were, for now.

Ted was a bit speechless, and trapped. _Watch porn? Or watch Justin watching him watching?_ It didn't take him long to figure out all he had to do was continue with his eyes on the TV, or in his own imagination, everything else would work out on its own. Ted reclosed his eyes, took a deep breath and chanted a mantra in his head to find his own "Zen" place.

Justin pushed his tongue down on his bottom lip, catching the sight of the elongated neck into the chest of wooly hair. What his eyes zeroed in on was the lower abdomen and its ability to breath in a rhythm of calmness... almost contentment. He had tried to do this a few times with Brian, get off on watching him alone, but Brian never allowed one second to slip on by where _he_ wasn't getting something out of sex. No Kinney self-pleasuring to get a "freebie". Brian almost demanded to be serviced and serviced well and good to a perfect satiation point. He didn't mind watching someone else masturbate, but that got old, just like the promiscuity and multiple bed-partners did.

Justin started to tuck his hand below the elastic, clasping the thickness of his own length as he became entranced by watching Ted touch himself and caressing the same organ in his own hand, but on his own body. Yes... weird, but highly erotic. Justin tilted his neck on the back of the chair, eyes intent on Ted's hands and body. Then something even stranger happened. When Ted reopened his lids, it was as if he had become a different person, off in his own world inside his head. Not drastically changed, but enhanced in the sense he knew _someone_ was watching now and _that_ would heighten his own pleasure sought.

Ted could easily pretend Justin wasn't in the room, especially since he was able to emotionally detach himself from any given moment. He could focus on the one thing he _could_ control - _his own arousal_. He quickly sat forward, still stroking, to open the hidden drawer and take out the hand lotion. Ted had also gone into the drawer to pull out a dildo, or two, but realized he had forgotten to stow away the dildos he had brought out earlier. He shrugged one shoulder to place the large anal plug near his right thigh - _just in case he should_ _need extra-stimulation_. He heard the slight gasp and a short intake of breath... _maybe even a soft moan_... but the "wall" was already up.

 _**No one is here... no one cares... no one wants you... this is the life you lead - alone and pathetic...**   
_

Ted slid one shoulder first, out of a sleeve, letting the robe pool under him. The right leg lifted to rest the sole of his foot on the ledge of the coffee table, slouching on the cushions to lay backward. Ted heard another sound as his free hand rubbed over his chest and belly, then roamed down a hairy inner thigh. He decided to focus on the task at hand, literally.

 _Cum for me? Really?_ Was that the best Justin could come up with to _command_ of him? _Amateur... still so young and innocent, naive of so much... the things I could teach you as I plow into your--_  

Justin was staring at Ted's every action. He couldn't help the noises his throat wanted to make. They didn't seem to bother, or phase, Ted. It was almost like Justin didn't even need to be here. Ted was starting to raise his buttocks off the sofa to drop his boxers to his lower thighs and Justin nearly came. He had no idea that Ted's cock was _that_ enormous when erect. The length and girth far surpassed anyone, including Brian. Justin felt his ass cheeks clench, wanting that cock inside of him, pounding away.

After toeing off his shoes, and standing, Justin lowered his jeans and underwear. He sat back down and immediately went back to stroking himself. Not only was he stiffening more, he knew in a few frantic tugs he would be unloading and not in a pleasant, quiet way. Somehow this didn't seem _right_. Not that it wasn't still awkward, but that he was on the other side of the room. Though with someone, there was an aching and loneliness to connect with another man. To find a true, real companion--The One he had been born for, or at least for a good length of time.

 _Christ..._ _could Justin have been wrong all this time?_ Focusing on the wrong attributes, liking the fact that with more - _of anything -_ life was just easier and more pleasurable? True, but it really didn't guarantee happiness. Justin knew that much, for sure.

He had stopped stroking to stand and pull his briefs up so he could walk. He reached the sofa, sitting down and shimmying out of the underwear, all the while turned to stare at Ted as he curled into the corner of the arm. That average-looking, misshapen body, with the dark hair and pale flesh... but the sight of the beautiful cock and that strong, steady hand, sprinkled with dark hair... the contrast alone spoke of Ted "Theodore" Schmidt...

 _Was this ALL of him?_ Was there more Justin _couldn't_ see? Hadn't been willing to see, for more attractive conquests?

" _... uhh-ahhh..._ " Ted was leaning back, against the cushions. " _... I'm gonna cum... fuuuuuck..._ " His breathing became rapid, as the stroking grew frenzied and slick-sounding as he had lathered up periodically with lotion and pre-cum. " _... cum so hard... I'm gonna cu-..._ " Ted didn't make it through the complete sentence before he ejaculated with a series of hard thrusts upward, as if inside another's body.

Justin was quick to move closer, one leg curled under him, the other dangling off the cushions as he sidled up to Ted's side. Ted was still spasming, but slumping over to his left, then pushed up on his elbow. His right leg had lifted and was now on the sofa. Brown eyes stared unfocused at the television, noticing the sex scene had vanished to be replaced by bad dialogue and cardboard acting. This period of time usually gave him a few minutes to collect himself, clean up and prepare for the next fuck scene. Ted had been so lost in his own climax, he had missed the moment when Justin had walked over to sit on the sofa and crawl over beside him. The wayward hand was on his leg, soothing up the calf muscle and over the bent knee.

Ted's knee was bent over Justin's thigh. He shot upright to feel the hand along his inner thigh, causing him to still move through his orgasm. He flinched a bit from the tender touch wanting to explore more, simply because he had just expelled an intense load and wasn't sure where his head was at. Sitting with both legs down and feet on solid ground, Ted's body naturally went to seek out another's, leaning to the right and slumping on Justin's chest.

"Sorry." Ted mumbled, trying to catch his breath.

"Don't be." It was natural for Justin to lean forward a bit and press a soft kiss to the fevered skin of Ted's brow at the hairline. "You did _it_." He smiled secretly at the way in which Ted had followed his request, putting _everything_ into the moment. He went to snag a few tissues for Ted, handing them over discreetly. Justin wanted to do the clean-up, but knew that Ted had some boundary issues. "I... am more than happy."

As he wiped at the streaks of semen, off his thighs and over his chest and stomach, Ted nudged weakly against Justin's cheek. "I'm not--this isn't ALL that I am." He wanted to make _that_ very clear.

"I know." Justin bent an elbow and rested his head on the hand from the back of the cushions. He couldn't stop staring at Ted's naked body, wanting to caress over the sweaty skin, lick at the semen glistening off the surface that Ted didn't catch. "I'm realizing that at this very minute." Justin reached out his hand to brush back some tussled locks of brown hair.

Ted opened his eyes fully, turning to his right to look down at Justin's own naked form. "Did I--?" There was still an erection present, _untouched_... _un-pleasured_. "Did you--uh...?"

Justin shook his head slowly, biting seductively at a finger. "I would've cum earlier than you. I wanted to wait."

Ted nodded, letting out a quick laugh. "... and you had no idea I could cum like a racehorse rather suddenly..." He curled his arm around Justin's right thigh, shuffling him near to fit to his side.

Justin leaned in, chin on Ted's shoulder dip into neck. " _... you were fuckin' hot..._ " He nuzzled his nose into the ear, shaping the lobe to lift his lips and kiss the curves, hide his face within the moist strands of hair. He threw his own thigh across Ted's, meshing his cock to an upper thigh and hip. As he huddled into those strong arms coming around to hold him, Justin felt the hand on his backside, shaping over the ample mounds. He began to thrust, creating friction on the skin of his cock. As he pushed his brow into the throat, sucking on the pulsing skin, he hung on for dear life as he continued to ride the thigh he was bouncing on. Ted helped by lifting the heel of his foot off the carpet, arching the shape of the sole.

Justin squeezed Ted tight as he ejaculated between their bodies, his semen was a mere pool of white sticky liquid covering the dark hair. He felt the finger tips on his scalp and the lips softly kissing his neck and shoulder. There was no turning back from this moment... no taking back of awkwardness or trying to "just be friends" anymore. Justin hooked an arm about Ted's neck and continued to embrace him close, feeling the loss immensely, but able to sense that _something more_ was brewing between them. Just like Brian, Justin could still sense the semi-erection present. It turned him on for a completely different reason.

Ted patted Justin's bottom again, but this time as a means to tell him to get off, he wanted to stand. Once Justin was seated on the sofa, Ted rose to his feet and pulled his boxers over his bare ass. He picked up the used tissues again to throw them away. This time he would go to the kitchen. "I'm thirsty. You want anything?"

Justin grabbed for his balled-up briefs, shaking them out to stand and put on. "I'll have whatever you're having." It unnerved him to have Ted be nice to him, or even just to have a regular conversation.

Ted snorted a quick laugh as he tapped the top of the blond head, bent over to contemplate his feet... and, probably, what they had just done together. "Oh, man... one day you'll learn." He scooted in between Justin's knees and the coffee table to head into the kitchen.

"Learn _what_?" Justin felt the smirk creeping out over his lips.

"Oh... how to be _Justin Taylor_ again." Ted opened the fridge and pulled out two bottled waters.

Justin rested back against the cushions, taking the cold bottle Ted offered him over the sofa. Again, the fingers filtered through his mussed hair. He closed his eyes at the mere ecstasy coursing through his system.

Ted took a swig of his water as he made his way into the closed bedroom. "I'll be back. I just need to take a piss." The door as shut only partway.

Justin scooted forward to stand. He went over to the chair to move it back in its old position, then grabbed for the remote, placing the porn on PAUSE. He sat back down on the edge of the cushions to glance over the three flicks. He had to laugh. They were all older TV shows of the generation before him - **Threesome's Company** , **21 Hump Street** and **Different STROKES**. Justin had no idea which one they had been watching as the DVD cases were closed. _Did it really matter?_

Ted returned out of the bedroom with a pair of clean boxers on. "I just remembered..." He pointed at Justin, his eyes narrowing with concern. "... are you _still_ hungry?"

"I did eat before I showed up." Justin glanced away, feeling deeply touched that Ted would remember something like that. "But I could snack on something." He stood, bringing his water with him. He watched Ted slip into the tiny kitchen, moving around with the grace of a figure skater. He was flawless as he talked while opening and closing cabinets, preparing the food.

In five minutes flat, Ted had the counter covered in leftover appetizers from some party Emmett had thrown and a vegetable tray with dips. Soon they were back to their old way of talking and sharing stories. Justin loved it best because Ted was actually interested when he began to speak about school.

There was a second or two as Ted leaned over the counter with arms crossed when Justin felt compelled to stretch over the counter and kiss Ted's mouth quite soundly. He pulled back to smirk and sit back on the stool.

Ted covered part of his face with his hand as if he had been stung. "Why did you--?"

"Because I wanted to." Justin stated succinctly and rather proudly.

"That's it?"

"Yeah... does it have to be more?"

Ted was a little dumbstruck to come up with an answer. "Oh, no--not..." He waved his hand in the air, trying to brush away the truth. "I know _someone_ like you could never be attracted to _someone_ like me, is all."

"What? You mean... _like an accountant?_ " Justin popped a cherry tomato into his mouth as he winked over at Ted.

"Yeah... that's exactly what I meant." In all his thirty-seven years, Ted could count on his hand the number of genuine bashful moments in his life. He could feel the blush, the sudden flush over his skin as he turned away to walk over to the other side of the kitchen, his back to Justin's thoughtful blue eyes.

 _... dammit..._ Ted could already feel himself weakening...

 

 **~ &~&~&~... TBC...~&~&~&~**

 


	2. Chapter 2

**a day and a half later - mid-morning - Kinnetic**

 

Ted was standing near the office coffee bar when Cynthia strolled up to the counter to snag another sticky-bun.

" _Mmm..._ when the Boss is away, the minions can play." Cynthia turned toward her co-worker, having noticed something _different_ about him this particular morning. It was only a subtle change, and if Brian hadn't called in sick for a second day he would've ribbed Ted mercilessly.

" _Mmm-hmm_ ... yeah..." Ted was mindlessly stirring his coffee in a tall ceramic mug with the metal spoon.

"You all right?" Cynthia had placed the sticky-bun on a napkin, foregoing a plate at this time. She furrowed her brow with a bit of concern. Ted wasn't his usual talkative, chatty self, instead he kept staring off into space, as if daydreaming.

"Uh, yeah..." Ted shrugged both shoulders, making a face at Cynthia. "Why wouldn't I be?" He put the spoon down on the folded napkin after having licked the sugary liquid off in an over-extended manner with his tongue.

"Wait..." Cynthia put down the food, reaching out to clasp Ted's biceps. "... _did you--? Is Blake back?_ " The one topic they hadn't been discussing of late was Ted's love life. Normally, he would have another disastrous "date" to moan about or a pity fuck who had taken him home, along with her pitiful tales of woe. For the past week-- _nothing_ .

"No." Ted spoke out quite loudly. "Blake and I are _officially over_ ." He took a tentative sip of his coffee. "You k _new_ that." He couldn't help the small smile that slipped on by from one side of his mouth. Ted cocked a hip against the low cabinetry.

"Are you sure, 'cuz--?" Cynthia shook her head in mild perplexity. There was a near _glow_ about Ted, an odd spring in his step-- plus, a secret mysterious smile to his features. And if she really cared, _which she did_ , she would've noticed it had been on his face yesterday as well. "... no, no... it's definitely _not_ Blake." Cynthia could detect a "Blake" smile from a normal one. No, this one was a more feral, aggressive smile. She then put a hand to her mouth. "How could I _not_ see it before?" Then she slapped Ted's shoulder playfully. "You met someone new, you doofus!"

Ted broadened his smile, a slight swing to his hip movement as he shook his head. "Eh... my eyes are finally opening."

" _To what? To..._ _**WHOM!?** _ " Cynthia leaned in, keeping their faces close and in private. "Is he cute? Does he have a brother? Preferably younger... and domesticated?"

"He--" Ted was about to say something, but it might give too much away, too soon. "He's not anything, but yet... he's _everything_ ." He left it at _that_ . It sounded ambiguous enough to have said something pertinent.

"All right, BuddhaTeddy." Cynthia let out a long whistle, now more curious than ever. "That is some _serious_ 'mojo' working there, my friend." She would like to know simply because she had never seen Ted this _happy_ two days in a row. He usually fluctuated, like a woman, and had several put-downs for himself ready at the go.

"I'm just--" Ted felt the bit of excitement he always did when thinking about what he had been doing the past few days, from two nights ago. Not like the freak or outcast he had been made to feel like for years. He finally found someone who understood him and his weird sexual quirks. Still, it troubled him to have discovered it hiding in the form of one Justin Taylor, popular Boy Toy and fuck buddy of his own Boss. "I'm beginning to 'see' who I really am. And--I ain't half-bad."

Cynthia frowned in exaggeration, patting her hand on Ted's arm. "No. You never were and you do know that if you weren't gay, I'd be chasing after you, right?" She winked with a slight tease, which would've sent _old_ Ted into a blushing fit. But _new improved_ Ted took the words in stride, his chest almost puffing out with pride.

"Liar." Ted winked back, having fallen into an easy banter with Cynthia the very first day he started working here. He always got along better with women. "But I love you dearly for the sentiment." He bent over to buss her cheek, sniffing at her lovely aromatic perfume. Cynthia never came to work not looking well put together. He wondered what she was like at home, inside her own bedroom. Ted was finding himself more curious about what _other_ people were like behind their own locked doors. He eyed the sticky-buns but knew they would go right to his thighs and ass, so he passed with a lift of one eyebrow and a upside-down smile that sent Cynthia into giggles.

Cynthia watched Ted walk away, a small "swagger" to his every step beyond her. She felt her face go flush, that _damn_ attraction to gay men working in overdrive today. Or maybe it was just because Ted was sending out some massive sexual vibes around him. She had to pick up a piece of cardboard to start fanning her face, tucking her flyaway curls behind her ears to expose her long neck. " _... god... day-um..._ " She muttered out, under her breath, as one of the other female employees slowly approached, carrying files in her arms.

Immediately, the wide eyes went for the sweets in the vicinity. " _oooo_ ... I love it when the Boss is out sick. Are these honey buns?" She was about to take one despite not knowing what they were.

"Homemade." Cynthia leaned back on the counter, continuing to fan her face. She made sure to safely stash away her piece of the sticky-buns. "And we've got a second box hidden. I'm not saying where--for everyones' safety."

"Not a problem. I can contribute this time, but not next time." She snatched two buns and a pile of napkins with plastic silverware. She glanced at Cynthia from the side of her eyes. "To _whom_ are we ogling, missy?" She licked her fingers of glaze, one at a time, trying to follow Cynthia's line of vision.

" _... Teddy..._ " Cynthia said the name in such a way that evoked a mere erotic tone. It didn't conjure up an image of a cuddly teddy bear, _that's for damn sure_ .

"Really? Wha--?" The employee needed to see this for herself. She twisted slowly around to throw her gaze in the direction Cynthia wouldn't look away from. "Oh... my..." She bit at her bottom lip, eyes going dark with sudden arousal.

Ted Schmidt usually looked like every other ordinary office drone. Sometimes worse, like the high school nerd who never grew up or out of his outerwear. Today, he was wearing jeans, a long-sleeve t-shirt and a button-down shirt - _short sleeves_ \- over the t-shirt. The jeans weren't tight, but they conformed about his legs, especially those awesomely strong thighs. No one ever knew there were such tight, hard muscles underneath. He had on sneakers and well-worn ones at that. Ted had gone completely casual, gradually depleting his age about a good ten years lower. His appearance, and over-all-aura, was about to send the entire staff into an uproar-- _whereverthehell_ his new found confidence and that damn strut of his had developed from.

"I know, right?" Cynthia heaved a huge sigh. She had really meant it before with Ted. Everyone thought she would go for the suave, debonair top executive, but she would take the Teds of this world over them any day. It would be so much easier to fall for him; Cynthia had a slight crush on Ted even now. This day was going to be much tougher to get through if she didn't straighten up and fly right. "So I'm _not_ crazy thinking there's _something_ about him today that's just so... _**grrrrrr** _ ...?" She growled under her throat, making clawed, grabby hands toward Ted's image from far away.

" _Mmm-hmm_ ..." The employee nodded her head in complete agreement. "... he's, apparently, so _**huge** _ ."

"Huh?" Cynthia's head turned rather quickly, almost getting whiplash. "What? Sweet, kind Teddy?"

"Finch in Editing. He happened to glance over at Ted one day, at the urinals... said what Ted proceeded to take out would put John Holmes to shame."

Ted knew his porn. Even straight porn. He would have been proud to have been compared to one of the largest - _yes, in size_ \- stud porn stars of the 1970s.

"Oh... _whoa.._ ."

Both women were imagining what that might be like to have as their very own--in their beds, inside their bodies-- and _god damn_ that he was gay and for men _only_ . Stupid and very obtuse homosexuals...

"Yeah, let's just say there's a helluva lot more to Ted 'Theodore' Schmidt than meets the eye."

Most employees, as a radical nickname, had taken up their boss' continual use of that phrase to mean "business" with Ted.

"I'm beginning to notice that." Cynthia's mind went off into another realm of thought.

" _oooo_ ... are those cinnamon buns too?"

 **~ &~&~&~&~&~&~**

 

"Ted..."

"???"

"... _**Ted!** _ "

"Mmm-hmm?"

"Are you even paying attention to what I've said so far?"

"uh, yes... uhm... married 24yrs... mistress for 10... 2 children; one a doctor, one a, uh... school teacher..."

Cynthia sighed heavily, leaning back in the huge chair. "Look, this meeting isn't until 1:15pm" She looked at her own watch. "We can wait and power through lunch."

Ted was shaking his head. "I, uh... can't."

"Oh?" Cynthia was a bit stunned by Ted's refusal to lunch with her. Normally he was quick to say "yes".

"I'll be _here_ , but I'll be _busy_ ."

"You'll be working through lunch again? Ted--" Cynthia was concerned now, because she wanted to be sure Ted ate right and healthy. They had become one anothers' diet buddy.

"No..." Ted was shaking his head from side to side.

"Ted, please, pay attention and stop--" Finally, Cynthia got tired of Ted's continual glances at his cell phone. She reached out to clamp a hand over his hands in his lap. "Will you stop reading messages and texting back."

Ted put his phone down by his side on the surface of the boardroom table, folding his hands properly in his lap now. "I'm sorry. I know this seems rude, but... I _have_ to leave early for lunch and, probably, not be back until the meeting just begins. Like about... 1pm... maybe 1:10."

To say Cynthia was startled by the comment would be a lie. "Do you want me to simply handle this client on my own? I can do this alone, you know."

"No... no... Cynthia, I'll be back. I'll make _that_ promise to you."

"Oh-kayyy... well, I know most of this file anyway, so I suppose if I talk most of the time, we can just--"

"Leave the file here with me. I'll look it over before I leave." Ted knew that people didn't really know how well he was at memorizing things. He was a bit preoccupied at the moment.

"But you'll be _here_ ?" Cynthia pointed down to the floor, meaning the offices of Kinnetic.

"Uh, yeah... _technically_ ."

"But you're _leaving_ for lunch?" Which meant he would leave the building, so how could he--?

"Uh-huh..." Ted's eyes were glancing quickly at his phone as another message appeared on screen.

"You can't just say you'll be 'outside'?" Cynthia figured that was where Ted would disappear to. Not in his office, leaving the building--he would be outside. _In his car?_

"I won't be _outside_ , I'll be _inside_ ." Ted corrected as he slid the phone under his bent head.

" _ **Okay Riddler!** _ " Cynthia gave up, shoving the manila file toward Ted, across the table surface. "I give up. Just... be here for Richmere. Like you promised me."

"I will." Ted muttered out as Cynthia got up to leave the room without him being fully aware. He scrolled to the very last text he'd received.

 **R U RDY???**

Ted sat back in the chair, swinging the seat around in a full three-sixty degree spin as he couldn't help the shit-eating grin from spreading over his face. "Honey... I was born ready."

 **~ &~&~&~&~&~&~**

 

Ted walked out the front door of Kinnetic, then made a sharp left down the parking lot and another sharp turn left along the side of the building. There was a set of stairs leading down into a basement that many thought was for "Maintenance" purposes only. This particular area, having been the property for one of the oldest gay baths in Pittsburgh history, led to something much more than expected.

Counting down the doors on either side - _the faint shadows of the number plaques remained as the real ones had been removed years ago_ \- Ted knocked on a closed paneling, hearing a soft " _**come in** _ ". Once he knew of this place, from Brian, this was the room he had chosen as "his". Ted closed and locked the door, liking the ambiance created by the mass of ignited candles around them.

" _Whew!_ That was tougher than I thought." Ted leaned back on the door, closing his eyes as he was allowed to show how much pleasure he had been feeling the past _four hours_ since leaving home at eight o'clock this morning.

Justin was seated on the bed. Really--it was simply a mattress glued down onto a raised wooden slab a few inches off the floor. "I can't believe Brian never said a word about this place being down here." He wondered even more why Ted got the privilege of this knowledge and not him.

"Well, he had to explain to me why the cleaning crews always gave us _two_ bills, instead of _one_ . The accountant/bookkeeper of a small business needs to know all _dirty little secrets_ ."

"Does he--?" Justin leaned back on his hands, dragging his fingers across the unmade mattress. "... uh, did he use this as his Fuck Pad, since I was at the loft?" He was beginning to wonder where Brian had gone sometimes, late at night without him.

"Hey... I only know so much as whatever he was willing to tell me. For all I _do_ know, Brian's most likely _slept_ here, once or twice, to get some peace and quiet." Ted didn't mean it as a jab to Justin. He could've meant from just the world at large, not _one person_ in particular.

"From _me_ ?" Justin looked down, chin to chest.

"No. From work, from life. Christ, not everything is about you." Ted swallowed hard, because he didn't like intentionally being cruel or hurting someone. It looked as if Justin was taking the words in stride.

"Whoa, Teddy..."

Ted shoved off the door, making his way across the room. "Please... don't call me that. Not here. And surely not now..."

"... sorry..."

"God..." Ted glanced at Justin's attire, up and down. "... do I really _look_ like that?" He watched Justin climb off the bed, making his way toward him.

In the early morning hours, they had decided to do something "fun" and quirky. As they had prepared themselves for this very moment, they had mutually switched clothes. An odd sense of learning how the other felt, and looked, during their daily routine.

Justin was in long sleeves, white cotton button-down shirt, cuffs done up to the wrists... a brownish/tan sweater vest, with a charcoal gray tie and matching corduroy trousers. He spread his arms like he had done this morning after learning what Ted was going to dress in. Then he sadly gave over his own clothes. Justin spun around to show off the whole outfit, the way it looked at this hour of the day. He glanced down at himself. "You'd be surprised how many people actually stared and looked twice. They thought I had 'application interviews' after class." Justin was more interested in looking at Ted in his own clothing.

Those jeans had been baggy on Justin, but fit Ted like sheer perfection. That tight Henley showed off his slightly trim torso, those muscular forearms and biceps. The way the short-sleeved button-down shirt gaped open reminded Justin of the robe the other night.

Ted held open his own arms, a bit more pleased with his own outcome. "I got stares, but it was mostly how I carried myself. I don't normally wear denim to work or go too casual." He had rolled the cuffs to below his elbows and it showed off his dark arm hair and muscles.

"... you look..." Justin bit at his top lip.

"Ridiculous?" Ted felt a little funny, out of his body.

"Ten years younger." Justin stepped closer to grab for the lapels of the shirt, pulling on them to tug Ted near. "The clothes give you a certain 'air' of confidence."

"Meh... I think it's the cock ring I'm still wearing." As Ted walked closer to Justin he reached around to lay his palms flat to the round ass cheeks under the soft corduroy. He watched the lids close as the blue eyes nearly rolled back into the blond head.

Justin brought his head back around to look directly into darkening brown ones. "... and the nipple clamps? Do they hurt?" He brought up a hand to touch the material of the Henley shirt.

"The pain dissolved into numbness, but the nips are perky." Ted made sure to rub his chest over Justin's, if only there weren't so many layers covering him. _Jesus... how could people stand him like this?_

"Can I see?"

"Soon." Ted soothed both hands over the ass again. "How 'bout you? How are _you_ doing?"

Justin stood on tip toes, leaning his brow on Ted's hair. "I wanna bust a nut, _so bad_ . I know my balls must be blue. The, uh... anal plug is hitting me directly on my 'sweet spot'." He opened his mouth, letting out a soft cry as Ted shaped and molded his backside, spreading the cheeks apart. "I've been hard for hours." Justin, and Ted, glanced down at the loose trousers. "Thank God no one can really see." He brought up both arms to rest forearms on Ted's shoulders, hooking them around the neck to hold on.

Ted slid his hands up Justin's sides to peel off the sweater vest, first. "Could you sit in class?"

Justin drifted backward so Ted could take off his clothes. He returned the favor by removing the short-sleeved shirt. "Yeah. There was a little relief, but when I moved..." He let his body shiver to show how it affected him. "... so did the plug."

Ted smirked, nodding his head. It was why the anal plugs were one of his favorite toys to play with. "Did you cry out?" His brown eyes stared own at the bowed blond head, yanking on the gray tie to loosen the knot. He wanted to be told every tiny detail, so he could be aroused by the idea of what Justin had suffered--the pleasures felt.

"I bit my bottom lip." Justin tilted back his head to show how hard he had bitten. Ted stepped close to press a light kiss on the barely-there scar. His tongue coming out to lick at the soreness probably still present. Justin inhaled a shuddering breath. He shut his eyes and moved forward to snag Ted's lips for a lips-on-lips kiss, with partial playful tongue. He didn't care about the pain he felt.

Ted was working fast on the buttons; Justin was untucking the shirt from the belted trousers. Their bodies weren't touching, just mouths, hands flighty over clothes to undress one another and get down to naked bodies.

"... mmm... I want you to _show_ me..." Ted cupped Justin's cheek, wiping his thumb over the moist bottom lip. "... show me what you looked like..." He motioned toward the single straight back chair in the room that belonged to a lone circular table.

Wandering over to put the chair in the center of the floor, Justin worked at the cuffs to undo them and slid the long sleeves off his own arms. He displayed his limbs like an angelic martyr sacrificing his body to another's plight, jutting his chest outward as he sat down on the chair's surface. He moved to the left and winced, biting down on his bottom lip as his hands roamed over his torso, smoothing over bare skin. Moving to the right, he did the same move... watching Ted pull off the Henley from the bottom hem, taking it off mussed his brown locks. Justin stared at the nipple clamps, the small chain dangling between the very pert nipples. Ted slipped out of shoes and socks hurriedly, then he came back to kneel in front of Justin at his feet.

Blue eyes, with wide pupils, stared down into a very pleased face. "Was that to your liking?" He wanted to call Ted "master" or "daddy", something to signify their order of roles. With Brian, Justin had always wanted to be on Top or better; with Ted, he wanted to be laying below him, prone and wide open... _vulnerable_ .

Ted sent his hands along the outside of Justin's thighs to his bottom, latching onto the chair slats. His face was almost even with Justin's but he bent low to start his lips at the neck line, then down the collarbone and over the dusty pink nipples and along the flat abdomen. His hands came back around to rest on the thighs, quickly shoving them apart. Justin let out a slight yelp at the slight torture, his chest heaving in front of Ted's face. Ted bent lower to work on Justin's own shoes and socks, running his fingers up the ridged texture of the slacks on each leg. " _... spread wider for me..._ " Justin hooked his ankles around the outside of the chair legs. " _... lean back..._ " The flat of Ted's palm started from the waistband to soothe up the mid-torso, coming up to curl along the underside of the chin. He looked as if he was about to choke Justin, but he didn't. He let his hand skim over Justin's face, then back down again to end with both hands on his thighs.

Justin lids where shut, not as tight as he wanted. He didn't want to miss the ways Ted looked above him... or below him at his feet, on the floor. "Can I touch you? I wanna touch you." He had never wanted to so badly in his life. His legs almost shook in anticipation.

"Soon." Ted tried to keep from smiling, so he went to the belt and zipper of the trousers. "I wanna see you-- _fully naked_ ." He was stunned by how calm he was feeling, how his hands didn't shake once.

"Yes..." Justin had noticed how his arms were hooked around the back of the chair, like he was being tied down, unable to break free. "I want that too." He winced every once and awhile as the plug moved inside him. But soon he knew pain would turn into such pleasure that he would cum on sight, with his own nakedness... or watching Ted watch him.

" _... lift..._ " Ted helped pull down both pieces of clothing as Justin arched backward, holding onto the chair with his arms only. Seeing the hard, once restricted cock laying on the dark blond pubic hair made Ted want to "service"; he had to remember _not_ be that willing to be the same walk-all-over-me Ted Schmidt.

Of his own accord, Justin widened his legs even more, straddling the chair seat. He gasped, thrusting out his chest-- _wanting, begging to be touched, caressed_ . Ted simply backed away, hearing Justin whimper, almost pouting. He sat down on the end of the bed, looking at the wanton body writhing around just for him. It was implausible that he was here and in such control. Something had to go wrong. Someone had to bust through the door and ruin his perfect moment.

Ted averted his head as he stood, hefting up the jeans he wore and walked around the bed frame. "Get on the bed. Lay on your stomach." He tried to command in a forceful tone. As he walked on by Ted, Justin almost touched himself. Ted gave out a nice swat to the left ass cheek. Justin cried out in pleasure, smiling secretly as he saw how it affected Ted's own body. Placing one knee on the mattress, Justin nearly faltered, then wobbled on all fours to lay down, a pillow tucked under his face. He turned his head away, looking at the bare wall. He could hear sounds of Ted undressing further, the rush of breathes in frustration as Ted's own pleasures were being heightened and almost exploded prematurely.

Neither of them were paying attention to time, simply in tune with each other... and their aroused states.

Ted sauntered closer to the side of the mattress, having run two fingers along the inside of Justin's right leg, eventually reaching the ample bottom. With no prompting, Justin widened the gap of his thighs, getting up on his elbows to push out his bottom. Ted couldn't see the end of the plug, it was deeply embedded inside the anus. _Fuck!_ No wonder Justin was in such a tither... _jesus, poor thing..._ His cock twitched and his throat went dry. " _... push it out for me, until I tell you to stop..._ " Ted hoped his voice didn't sound shaky because of his throat clamping up quickly. Justin obeyed with much grunting and a groan or two. Ted told him to stop, then brought up a hand to tap on the suction end of the plug, causing it to vibrate throughout the rectum. Justin began to gyrate as if he was being impaled with a large cock. His legs and thighs were quaking with near climactic ecstasy. "Feel good?" _That was damn obvious._

" _... yes... please... more..._ " Justin pushed out his backside, laying flatter to the mattress, almost biting down on his own arm.

Ted tapped with one... two and then three fingers, Justin wriggling about. Then he pulled out the domed shaped plug, waiting a few seconds before he shovedit back in, but didn't go too deep. Justin wailed out into the pillow, squishing himself further into the bed. He didn't cum. He wasn't about to, until Ted _instructed_ him to release. Ted had requested that he hold off on ejaculation as long as he could. He was, literally, seeping with pre-cum, growing stickier by the minute.

" _ **Up! On your knees!** _ " Ted gave another gentle swat of his hand, this time on Justin's hip. " _**Face me!** _ "

Justin was almost too weak with pleasure to stand, but he managed, with hazy eyes. He shifted on his knees to face Ted directly--right then and there, he _knew_ . He _knew_ deeply inside him, _feelings_ were shifting around... _emotions heightened_ . He didn't care about learning this "scene" or lifestyle _for Brian_ . He truly wanted, and earnestly, desired Ted "Theodore" Schmidt.

Ted eyed the lush mouth parting, and when it would've been an idea to want them around his own cock, sucking him off - _his perversions always forefront_ \- he genuinely wouldn't have minded simply kissing them, deeply and passionately. He truly wanted to keep going, until both of them were so horny they would explode all over the room and the walls. But it was becoming too much for him to handle, thinking about Justin, caring about his welfare. Strange to feel, when Ted would always have _normal_ sex, he wanted the _experimentation_ , but when he had the _excitement_ ... the _control_ , he couldn't fathom anything more than merely climbing into bed and fucking, plain and simple. Maybe really making love with someone, sensually.

 _Bullshit... this was all just bullshit... he was an imposter... This... wasn't HIM._

Ted put a hand to his face, then ran fingers from forehead into his hair, spiking strands along the way. Justin attempted to reach out and snatch his arm, but Ted walked away too fast, turning his back. Justin worried it was something he had done or not done to Ted's liking.

"This is wrong."

Justin felt his heart nearly plummet. He couldn't hear that now. "No." He shook his head to stress his point. "Things were going so good, Ted. I might not know too much at this point, but it felt so right--having you do these things to me. I felt 'safe' with you." He frowned with some concern, hating it when Ted cowered like this. At times, as if fearful, frightened or scared. _Of him?_ "Was I--? Did I make too much noise?" It was one of Justin's pet peeves about himself during sex.

Ted turned to his side, leaning weakly against a wall, candles surrounding him with a hue of lighting. "I'm a fucking joke, is the problem." He crossed his arms and almost folded into himself. "I'm not anybody important enough to even remotely know what he's doing here." He flipped over in frustration, a fist pounding back on the wall. "Ask me anything about porn actors, their films... or let me do your fucking taxes. _That_ is about all I'm good for."

Justin wanted to laugh, sometimes he felt like all he was good for was fucking. They made a great pair, indeed. He felt himself melt for Ted, his heart picking up pace as he realized he wanted to be _the one_ \--The One who could prove to Ted that he _was_ worth more than what he was on the surface. "Is _that_ what you think? What I've made you think?"

"No." Ted leaned his head back on the wall, hitting his head softly on the plaster. "It's what I _know_ ." He moved about to pick up Justin's own clothes he had been wearing, managing to find the underwear too. "Let's just call this a fluke, lessons learned. Just, uh..." He scratched at the back of his scalp. "... you'll be fine when or if Brian chooses to switch. Which I still doubt is true." Ted let his arms hang by his sides. "You're a natural already. You'll pick up the pace fast, with no worries."

"Stop. Please. Just--first off, can you--?" Justin turned around to show his ass. "I would myself, but--" He couldn't explain how hesitative he would be and it might just stay in there permanently.

Ted wiped at the sweat on his brow, softly snickering. "Yeah, sure, honey. Only if you'll help me with these dreadful clamps." He tugged on the loose chain, no pleasure was had since the numbness settled in.

So they traded. Ted took out the anal plug as slowly as he could, being as non-arousing as fathomable. Then Justin reached up to pull off one nipple clamp at a time. He soothed a thumb pad over the pertness, then placed a tiny kiss above each, nothing more.

Feeling a heady affection for Ted in the moment, Justin reached out to cup a cheek. "Come on. Get on the bed with me." He sat down to pat the empty space next to him, on the right, next to the wall. "Lay down, huh..."

Ted agreed, without looking at his watch. "Okay, but..." He shuffled onto the mattress by one knee and then climbed over Justin to lay down on his back. "... I should go back to work soon. Cynthia and I are standing in for Brian today."

Justin went still. "Oh, uh... he didn't come in again?"

"Nope. Called in sick." As Ted relaxed on the pillows, arm bent behind his head, he rested his other hand on his chest. "Are you concerned?" He forgot that Justin could truly care about Brian's welfare. Justin must feel like shit the way Brian was blatantly ignoring him.

"A little." Justin sighed as he slipped down low on the bed, laying at a different spot then Ted. "I'm assuming he went back to the loft, since I didn't leave your condo the other night. He could be anywhere." He was starting not to care as much as Brian didn't, in letting him know where he was for the night.

"Do you care?" Ted let out a short chuckle.

Justin smiled to himself. "I'm beginning _not_ to." His right leg brushed against Ted's left one. He tucked his calf under Ted's, needing the touch.

"Look..." Ted rolled onto his left side, facing Justin as he rested his head on bent arm. "... I don't profess to know much or what's good for myself, but you really do deserve better." His hand came up to skim over Justin's face as he turned toward him, laying on his right side.

"I know." Justin nodded, closing his eyes on a slow blink. "I can't help what I feel though." He brought up a hand, fingers filtering through the dark curls on the chest. The color was coming back to Ted's nipples.

"Yeah... I can understand." Ted looked down to watch the fingers play over his chest. "Took me a few years, but I think I got over Michael." He still had a residual ache, to think Michael cared more for Brian than him. At least that's how _he_ felt.

Justin let his hand trail up the chest to lift the chin. He leaned over to press his lips against the side of Ted's mouth, then came back to kiss a cheek. "You think you'll ever be _over_ him?" He wanted to know it was possible to let go of someone you loved so completely and thought of with your whole heart, then move on to better things.

Ted twisted onto his back, Justin coming with him. His fingers absently tangled in the blond hair. "Not completely. But it's tougher to watch him pine for Brian the same way I did for him."

Justin raised off of Ted's chest, blue eyes intent on brown ones. "But he's with Ben now. He's getting over Brian."

Ted had to chuckle, then held the sides of Justin's face to bring him in for a bona fide hard kiss. "God... you're so clueless still." He swiped playfully at Justin's nose tip. He kept his voice low as Justin kept leaning on his forehead, their noses brushing. "That will _never_ happen, I'm afraid. _Fuck!_ " He leaned back on the pillow, throwing an arm over his face. "I wish I had a vice that was just drinking or smoking. Nah... instead, I went the hardcore drug route and took crystal meth. _I'm such a fuckin' jackass!_ " He nearly beat on his own chest.

Justin tried to sit upright to hold down Ted's arm from hurting himself again, that sounded like it hit bone or cartilage. " _**Ted!** _ _Jesus, man_ ... loosen up on yourself." He was almost as bad as Justin could get about his art.

Ted waggled his other finger at Justin. " _Don't ever do drugs!_ And if you do, do them with friends. Just like Brian says."

When Justin knew Ted was more calm, he lay down, huddled next to his side. "You think we'll ever have a conversation where one of us doesn't mention Brian... or Michael?"

Ted exhaled on a loud laugh, stretching his free arm out to snag Justin and bring him closer. "Eh, yeah... maybe, one day..."

Justin sighed, resting his cheek on Ted's body. He brought up his arm to lay across the - _somewhat_ \- flat abdomen. _Mmm..._ this felt oddly good, refreshing. Though both were still naked with no covers, Justin felt totally warm, protected even. He threw his leg over Ted's, closing his eyes. "Not complaining, but if I have one more night on a couch, I'm gonna scream."

Ted smiled, brushing his fingers through the blond locks at the back. "You don't like sleeping alone, do you?" He had heard the restlessness of Justin's sleeping pattern the last two nights on his own couch.

"I'm fine most nights. But, yeah... no. That building the loft's in makes some pretty creepy sounds."

"Well, I'm not intentionally moving into the loft to wait on Brian to return." Ted turned his head, chin on top of Justin's hair. "You can sleep in my bed, if it's comfortable for you. I promise not to roll over and smoosh you."

" _Mmm-hmm_ ..." Justin squeezed Ted tighter into his arms. "I wouldn't mind _this_ . _This_ is good... _so very good_ ."

Ted let out another snicker, slowly flipping Justin onto his back. "... here... come on... We should already have gotten rid of these cock rings." He looked down at Justin, catching the wide frantic blue eyes. "What? Is there an ax murderer behind me?" Ted did a mimicry of a "ninja move" to thwart the imaginary Ax Man.

Justin laughed loudly, and stilted, not able to truthfully admit he had thought Ted had been about to fuck him... _whoa!_ ... and how much he would've died a little to have been fucked _by_ him. He slid to sit upright, trying to get rid of the image of Ted kneeling at the proper height to enter him, between his spread legs. "What about you?"

"I'm used to wearing them. I'll take it off later." Once Ted had the contraption undone and off Justin's cock and balls, he soothed the testicles and over the hardened length that looked a bit darkened red. There was a solid vein pumping down the underside of the scrotum. He spanned his hands over Justin's pelvic bone, pressing a short kiss above the blond curls. He shifted back over to sit beside Justin, their arms brushing and their backs propped on pillows along the wall. "All right... here goes nothing, huh?"

Justin turned a bit to gaze intently as he watched Ted lean his head back, his right leg bent, foot flat to the mattress, while the left leg was splayed outward, nudging Justin's leg. Ted wrapped his hand around his cock, entrapped in the cock ring. It wasn't too long before he was completely hard again. With his eyes closed, it was obvious he was fantasizing, _but of whom?_ Justin decided to follow Ted's lead, but do the opposite legs of each - _his left leg bent, with his right leg splayed to hit Ted's._ Watching Ted, helped Justin stroke himself into a full-on erection, as well.

Pretty soon, Ted slid down to lay fully on his back, both legs bent now, his hips thrusting up and out as if someone was astride him. Justin desperately wanted to _be_ that someone that Ted was thinking of fucking.

Ted finally opened his eyes to gaze hazily in Justin's direction. "... you almost there?"

"Yes... I'll probably shoot when you do." No words had been truer. Justin was uncannily connected to Ted's body now. His pleasure became Justin's pleasure.

"C'mere..." Ted motioned with the small nod of his head.

"Huh?"

"Throw your leg over mine." Ted cleared his throat. "I'll show you what I mean."

Justin hurried the task, then felt his heart and gut lurch when Ted reached over with his own hand to begin stroking him. He knew what to do next. He would jerk Ted, in kind. Ted leaned over, as did Justin. Their heads bumped. Ted dropped low to kiss Justin's shoulder, nuzzle the neck. Justin arced backward and came so hard he started quivering with each orgasm. Ted was whispering into his ear, telling him he was safe and that he was fine, Ted would take care of him. Justin had let Ted's cock go, but that didn't stop Ted from finishing the task on his own...

Both spent and shaking uncontrollably, they flipped onto their sides again, facing one another. They lay low on their pillows, moving closer to share one. Their faces were close, breathes mingling. They both mutually reached out with wobbly hands to touch and caress the other into a calmness in order to leave the room, with their sanities intact.

They ended the poignant moment sharing a long drawn out kiss, their bodies huddling near to gather warmth for the rest of the day ahead.

Justin was afraid to find out what would happen if he let Ted go back into the world. He had never felt that sensation before--to want someone as his very own, and no one else's. Strange, alien feelings, indeed. This time he wore Ted's clothes with honor, instead of slight shame and embarrassment.

 **~ &~&~&~&~&~&~**

 

They had gone out with Emmett the next night, making it appear as if things were as normal as normal could be. They tried to keep their distance from each other, not wanting to cause any suspicion. Luckily, Emmett was none the wiser.

Ted attempted to keep up the pretense by bowing out of finishing the night off at Babylon. Not even the incentive to meet Emmett's new man-meat-of-the-week could force him to bear the rejection he knew he would face. Ted wasn't sure how he would feel watching Justin "score", walking away to be with some other man.

Then Emmett did the unthinkable...

"... Justin..."

 _**"Justin-** _ **what** _**?"**_

 _ **"What are you talking about, Em?"** _

Emmett pushed Justin and Ted together, their shoulders bumping in tandem. Ted had reached out to snag his arm about Justin's waist to keep him balanced, Justin had reached up to clamp a hand around Ted's shoulder joint, then slid down the appendage to hide behind his back.

"... be Ted's 'date", Justin. Ted, you... well, you stick around until--" Emmett was waving his hand in mid-air like it was no never-mind to have Ted's heart stomped on.

"Uh, yeah... _no. thank. you._ " Ted soothed the hand over Justin's back then pushed away.

Justin reached out to grab Ted's arm, having to run to catch up to him as he moved away too swiftly. " _**Hey! Whoa!** _ ... don't--he didn't mean it to sound like _that_ ."

"Like _what_ ? Like I'm supposed to keep you company until- _what_ ? _Someone better comes along to fuck you?_ " Ted shook his head, spinning on his foot again to twist away.

This time Justin quickly maneuvered himself in front of Ted, blocking his path. "It doesn't have to be that way." He reached out a hand to play with the tiny buttons on Ted's shirt.

"But it _will_ be that way. I can _promise_ you."

Justin crossed one arm at his back, reaching to latch onto his dangling arm's elbow joint. "You can promise me something I want."

"What?"

Justin lifted his chin up with pride. "A dance." He couldn't help think about the day he would get to freely do such a thing with Ted, openly. Be allowed to sway in his arms and not care about what anyone else thought.

" _One_ dance." Ted held up one finger to stress his point.

"Sure. I'll take whatever you give me." Justin bit his lip, his eyes roaming over Ted's body, wishing those hands at his sides were doing something more than just hanging there.

Ted squinted his eyes cautiously. "You'll find someone else. Or they'll find you."

"I may or I may not, but... I know one thing."

"What?" Ted raised his head the closer Justin approached him.

"I... am leaving _with_ you." Justin picked at some imaginary lint on Ted's clothing, finding a reason to touch him. "... and I'm sleeping in _your_ bed tonight." He whispered the last part, leaning over toward Ted's ear.

"Justin, honey... really..." Ted watched the blue eyes alight at the endearment he was growing fond of. "... I'll be fine. Go to Babylon." He cupped and patted Justin's cheeks. "Have your fun, dance... fuck whomever you like, then--"

"How 'bout this..." Justin only placed five finger tips on Ted's chest, but he backed him up against a wall. "... you come to Babylon with me as my 'date'. We dance our _one_ dance. We leave early _with_ each other. We go back to your place, pop in that final porn DVD and jerk each other off. Then we go to bed-- _together_ ." He tilted his head to the side with a bright smile.

 _Ooooo... dammit._ Ted was slowly being tested into _not_ kissing Justin in public. He wanted to, badly. "I noticed you excluded the 'fucking' part."

"Well, it _is_ an option. We can fit it anywhere."

" _Mmm_ ... do you swear? You won't just get me where you want me, then bail on me?"

"No, Ted..." Justin sauntered over to Ted's side, making it look as if he was simply leaning against his friend, staring out across the crowded scene. "... the thought, alone, of what we could do to one another, while watching the porn... _**whew!** _ I'm ready to leave right now, forgetting about Babylon altogether."

"Well, we wouldn't want to raise Em's suspicions, would we?" Ted was able to move off the wall and managed to situate his body where now Justin was in his place.

"Not really." Justin crossed his hands at his back, sitting on his hands against the flimsy wall. "I like howthings are-- _just between us_ ."

"Okay, fine. Because, well..." Now Ted was placing a hand at the curve of Justin's hip, hiding the mere touch from public view, while the other hand was resting flat to the wall, near Justin's left ear. "... _the chance to hold you_ ... _dance with you_ ..." The hand at the hip swept behind Justin's lower back. "... _those_ are pretty high on my list."

"I wanna _kiss_ you." Justin stated with a dead stare toward Ted, not caring who heard him.

"Save that for later, when we can kiss each other properly." They had done that a lot lately, found ways in which to kiss-- _merge their mouths for minutes on end, cuddled together, safe and warm_ .

" _... gawd..._ " Justin groaned as he closed his eyes at the imagined ache he knew he would be feeling come the end of the night. "... oh-kay, but I might slip up when we're dancing, so forgive me in advance."

Ted nodded his head, his face mere inches from Justin's. "I will..."

They smiled provocatively toward one another, each knowing the grins were for something _completely_ different. Arms about each other's waist, they stepped back to walk together to find Emmett, telling him the good news.

They weren't at Babylon for very long before their _one_ dance made them leave the entire club and call it a night. Justin feigned having a headache and not feeling very well, which made Emmett nearly "order" Ted to take care of their "charge" and watch over him. Grinning from ear to ear, Ted gladly took responsibility and secured an arm about Justin's neck to walk out with him to his car.

As they neared the sedan, they were nuzzling faces and impatient to kiss before they even got inside the car's interior. Ted was only being polite to walk Justin to the passenger door, but Justin took advantage of the few seconds of time to plaster Ted to the car's body work and kiss him senselessly.

Ted allowed the man-handling only because he knew Justin would let him retaliate later, when they were alone.

 

 **~ &~&~&~... TBC... ~&~&~&~**


	3. Chapter 3

 

They were sitting side by side on the sofa, no longer watching the DVD on screen, but the other's face as they alternately stroked the one another's cock. Ted came first, shuddering at the feel of another's hand around his length, which in turn made Justin release his own orgasm, even as Ted's hand went slack in grip. Both out of breath and nearly exhausted, they slumped against one another, their heads bumping on the cushion. 

Ted pulled the blanket over their half-naked bodies to keep them warm and somewhat private. His arm snaked around Justin's shoulders to tuck him close to his side. "I think I got one more in me, then...  _ sleep _ ."

Justin buried his face into Ted's throat, trading between deep intakes of air and exhaling on heavy sighs. He huddled into Ted's side, his right arm settling over Ted's torso to niche under his arm. "...  _ mmm _ ... I thought I could, but I might be spent." He never thought he would ever say  _ that _ . At some point, he knew he had to admit that he couldn't keep up with Ted. 

"Okay, that's fine." Ted's fingers soothed over Justin's biceps to his elbow, his cheek resting on Justin's perspiring brow. "We don't have to. I can sleep." He could feel the hand exploring down to his pelvis and into his pubic hair, sensing the semi-erection still present. He let out a few soft cries into Justin's hair. 

"Ted..." Justin turned his face to press a kiss to the sweaty skin. "... you know you won't be able to." 

"I'm  _ not  _ fucking you." Ted's voice was succinct and matter of fact, even though it was clear he needed _ further  _ attention.

"I know. You've told me plenty of times why too." Justin reached up to caress a hand over Ted's face, tucking back the wayward brown strands. "I'm good with it." Which had shocked him. He thought that sex was the  _ only _ way to fulfillment. "But can we do something  _ different _ ?" Justin bent his arm to curl his fingers over Ted's right shoulder as he lay his chin on his arm to look up into Ted's face. Periodically, fingers went to trace over the dark hairs of a growing five o'clock shadow. Justin loved the way the coarse, unclipped hairs were rough against his skin; he didn't mind the burns they left behind. 

"Like  _ what _ ?" Ted had crossed his ankles on the coffee table, Justin having thrown his leg over his thighs, as usual. His hand was now roaming over Justin's back, massaging along the curved spine, slipping down to the upper curves of the bare ass. 

With the finesse of young age and flexibility, Justin climb over Ted's body to sit astride him, using his hands on the hairy chest to ease his stability. He had to ease  down with a certain tenderness as any slight movement in any direction would spurn on the possibility of erections and the action of  _ actual  _ fucking. "Where are the rest of your thirty-three dildos?" He had heard the story of Ted's thirty-third birthday and had laughed uncontrollably. But one night -  _ while alone _ \- he had wondered what kind of variety it entailed. His knowledge of dildos was pretty limited, but he knew some people got off on the act of different sizes and thicknesses. Justin sucked on his bottom lip, attempting to imagine watching Ted go down on one or two. He bent over to touch a cheek and kiss the slope of the nose. 

Little by little, Justin could feel Ted's "wall" beginning to crumble, though sometimes it was brought up to keep him at a distance. He could sense when that was happening. He had to admit it was worse than Brian ever was, but what he loved was that he knew Ted was weakening. The temptation to "take" him one night was about to come sooner than either of them knew. Justin hoped he was ready.  

"Uh..." Ted was using one finger to gesture as both hands were shaping around Justin's hips, under the fleece blanket, to hold him upright above his waist. "... in the drawer where the TV sits." He had to admit that he liked Justin in this position, could almost imagine watching him ride his cock and falling backward in the midst of one of those fabulous orgasms. His cock twitched in anticipation. Ted became curious to why Justin was asking about his dildos. "Looking for something specific?" His hands trailed upward along Justin's sides to come out and skim over the upper chest and perky nipples.  

Justin's own hands were around Ted's breast bone, fingers getting lost in thick chest hair. "Yes, but if I don't find it..." He was leaning over to whisper into an ear. "... we can always  _ improvise _ . We're so good at that." He bit at the lower lobe of the ear as if it were decadent chocolate, licking and sucking away the bite marks.  

"...  _ oooo _ ..." Ted snickered, closing his eyes at the sensation of feeling Justin's lips around one of his body parts. He nudged the side of his head against Justin's. "I like the sound of that." Once Justin was up on his feet, leaving behind the blanket, Ted used it to wrap around his body as he strolled into the kitchen to grab two water bottles and the leftover Gatorade. Masturbation and its release was almost like a full workout, losing electrolytes and calories. It was just a habit Ted had gotten into since he self-pleasured so often.  

One leg bent under him, the other bent with the foot planted flat to the floor, Justin was digging through the drawers of dildos. His eyes were alight with fascination and concentration. God, who knew there were so many versions of a simple dildo, the variety of colors and "realness". Oh, and the occasional oddities that looked like small torture contraptions. All in the name of the Big "O".  

"Ah-ha!" Justin pulled out exactly what he had been searching for. But once he had it out and away from the other monsters of rubber, it didn't look like whathe once thought. He held it out from his body to glance over its enormity. The elusive double-headed dildo. "Have they  _ always _ been this long, all this time?"  

 Ted deeply chuckled as he set down the bottles and slurped at the Gatorade, handing it over to Justin to finish the last drops. He sat down on an empty space on the surface of the coffee table. "Yes. That's the whole point." He watched Justin close the drawers and sit Indian style below him on the carpet.  

"I thought it'd be shorter, so we could--"  _ Christ... _ Justin didn't know what he thought. He just never imagined how long these particular dildos could go.  

Ted held out his hand. "Give it here."  

Justin got to his knees, hobbling over to watch what Ted would do. From inside a side drawer of the coffee table was found a ruler and a black Sharpie marker.  

"What's the biggest dildo you've taken?" Ted asked softly as he measured out an even length for each side of the two-headed dildo. Once he had the perfect numbers, he left a circular mark around the very center of the rubber, showing where they would be individual dildos, if separated.  

"Oh, I don't, uhm..." Justin wiped at his mouth, moving over to grab for one of the water bottles as he bowed his head in mild shame.  

Ted furrowed his brow as he slowly turned his head to look at Justin. "Not even when you were curious about anal sex?" He thought all teenagers, gay or straight, had a bit more access to these kinds of things, more than he did at their ages.  

"I was using  _ other _ things laying around." Justin swallowed down the gulp of water, hefting off the floor to sit beside Ted on the coffee table. He gently elbowed Ted's ribs. "I, uh... stole my Mom's vibrator once. This small pink thing." He took out his index finger and thumb to demonstrate the tiny size. "Wasn't really much." Justin was a little ashamed to admit that he hadn't experimented  _ that _ early, even though he had wanted to.  

"Ohhh-kay, then... so you're a dildo virgin..." Ted nodded his head as he let the thought soak into his brain. God, he had figured Brian would teach Justin _ everything  _ there was to know about gay sex, even the awkward, uncomfortable parts. Or maybe it was just about sex and fucking. Did Kinney even know how to masturbate and get off on self-pleasure? That was certainly something to ponder.  

"Uh, yeah... I suppose." Justin curled his arm about Ted's shoulder, looking down at the dildo in Ted's lap. "Why would  _ that _ matter?" He was waiting for the barrage of teases, the ways in which he would be taunted for being so young andnaive, talked to as if he was a simpleton and no smarter than a hamster.  

... but the words didn't come, only the ease of a normal conversation.  

"... because a two-headed dildo is long enough on purpose." Ted marked other circular areas along the massive length. "One partner can take more than the other or they both equally share." He turned his head to smile at Justin, not expecting to  be kissed rather hard, a hand shaping his cheek. He smiled wider and winked, leaning his head against Justin's face.  

"How much can you take?"  

Ted was laughing quite softly, extending the sound through his chest. "You really wanna know?"  

"Well..." Justin couldn't help but join in on Ted's laughter, it was contagious. "... I am curious."  

"You..." Ted broke free of Justin's hold, only to reach across the coffee table to open the longer hidden drawer next to the sofa. "... might be sorry you asked." He dug around a bit to pull out a flesh-colored twelve inch dildo, one-n-a-half inches of thickness, letting it sit between their bodies to look down at and... _** imagine ** _ ...  

"Oh... my..." Justin brought up his hand to cup a palm around the circumference, picking up the object to feel the weight and think about what this would be like inside of his own body. He licked his mouth, lifting his head to look across at Ted, one eyebrow raised.  

Ted reached out to tap a finger on the dildo, then traced along the molded ridges to meet Justin's hand, playing over his wrist and skin. "This has made me spontaneous orgasm with one insertion." He was looking down at the dildo with some fondness, like an old childhood friend. "I can get it so deep inside that--" Ted could detect Justin's eyes looking over the length and girth, thinking about it being inside of him, being able to feel its power. "No. Absolutely not." He didn't need to have Justin ask him, he could see it in his eyes.  

"Why?" Justin was stunned by Ted's refusal to allow him to use it.  

"Because, honey..." Ted clamped a hand around Justin's neck, sliding down to his shoulder to gently shake him. "... you don't go from 0 to 120 in five minutes. You wore that plug, for what? Three or four hours. And since then you've never used a dildo since you've been home--uh--here."  

Justin grinned foolishly at the slip of the word. It almost made up for the "NO" he was being told about the dildo. "Brian has toys." He taunted, as if threatening to go back to the loft and checking for himself, then doing whatever he damn well pleased.  

Ted didn't pay attention to the threat. He wasn't easily malleable to those kinds of comments used to get him to react. Maybe it worked on Brian to make him feel possessive and in control, but Ted could care less. He knew his time with Justin was limited. It was inevitable that he would leave, Ted just didn't know when.  

Ted deeply chuckled, shaking his head. "Which you were probably only allowed to look at, not actually use." He narrowed his eyes on Justin's blank face. "But, come  on... why would you need dildos, truthfully? I'm sure every one of those real cocks sufficed."  

Justin hadn't expected Ted not to show he cared, that he would get ruffled up and angry. But that was Brian's typical reaction. He was learning fast how unalike Ted was from Brian, like he had to learn a whole new regimen of attitude and manners. Justin put down the dildo and folded his hands over his thighs, crossing his right leg over his left. He was beginning to find he could ask Ted anything and he would answer, more like a passionate teacher than an annoyed parent. "Maybe you can tell me." Justin cleared his throat, keeping his eyes downcast to the way in which Ted hid his naked body. Still with that need to feel self conscious about his body even as intimate as they had become over the last few days, and nights. "Is it terrible to get urges where..." He lifted blue eyes to search out brown ones. "... it doesn't  _ have _ to be foreplay - blow job or hand job - insert penis into rectum - in and out - cum hard - then done?"  

"What do you mean? Like a, uh... kink or a fetish? Being able to get off on just simple pleasures?"  

"Well, sort of. More like  _ exploration _ , I guess. Finding out what pleases you, yourself... or your partner." Justin was starting to like that word. It was almost how he felt about Ted some days. Other days, he would like nothing better than to be under his wing, protected and kept safe. "I met a couple once, who said for three months, while they were dating, they  _ never _ had sex -  _ meaning cock into anus _ . Neither man wanted to."  

"For some men, sex can be daunting... frightening. Not just in gay sex, either. There's anticipation. The expectation. Not being good enough."  

"Not just good enough, but  _ e-nough _ ." Justin took a slow drink, thinking about what his life had been like for five years since high school.   

Ted looked straight ahead, the blanket now draped about him like a cloak. His hands came out to grip the coffee table ledge. "Been there plenty of times. Especially when I was in my early twenties." He could see Justin shuffling closer. "I didn't fully 'come out' until I was in college. Didn't really have boyfriends. I let men fuck me. Older men. The novelty wore thin. I'm not, and never was, 'pretty' enough to maintain." He went quiet, his mind slipping back in time. Those long lonely years of self-hate and worthlessness. "I had no style. I dressedawful. I had more hair." Ted ruffled his own spiky locks in top of his receding hairline. "But, ugh..." He made a face of mock pain. "... to think about those times now, I wouldn't blame anyone for not wanting to be seen with me." He twisted around with a short smile, expecting to see Justin's return smile, but the blue eyes stared intently with no smile. Simply a serious thoughtfulness to young Ted's plight. Ted had to take a hard swallow as he watched the emotions play over the face coming toward him. He turned away, his own smile vanishing as he rubbed his palms together. Yeah, it still wasn't an appealing story. In fact, it sounded even more sad than ever.  

Justin could feel his heart clenching for Ted, as a young man his age. He thought  _ he _ had it rough, but he knew there had been so many men before him who had it tougher, coming out stronger. "Is that when you explored  _ other _ things?" All this time, of taking Brian's word and judging from only what you could see and not digging deeper... Justin was figuring out he had done a disservice to Ted. Maybe even to several other people in his life too. On the surface, Ted looked like a pervert, but underneath there was a much more complicated man who had been made to feel less of who he actually was and conformed to the outside world's treatment of him. Justin had the world at his feet, wanting only  _ one _ person's acceptance and love, even just his attention. He was becoming affected by the treatment, or the non-treatment. What if the world had been as cruel to him as it had been to Ted, where would  _ he  _ be? Right where Ted was?  

"I'm not gonna say porn is some cinematic greatness, but it does open your eyes to what's out there, if you can't find it. If it's something you want to try, by all means  _ do _ . The gay sub-culture allows a certain outlet to learn who we really are."  

Justin let out a forced laugh. "I know who I'm  _ not _ ."  

"That's only the beginning. You've got a whole wide world out there, even beyond the Pitts."  

Justin reached out his hand to clamp over both of Ted's wrists, feeling one of his hands come out to cover his own. "Did you ever consider leaving?"  

"No." Ted shook his head, staring down at the perfect pale hand in his palm. He let his fingers pet up the wrist and forearm. "I just wanted to live far away from my parents."  

Justin nodded in agreement, leaning over to rest his chin on Ted's shoulder. "I can understand that." His chin removed a portion of the fleece material to be able to press lips to skin, every so often. "I miss Molly... and Mom, but..." He shook his head as he cleared his throat, emotions choking him a bit. "... sometimes I don't want them to know, you know?"  

Ted nodded, reaching back to brush a hand over Justin's face. "It's a built-ininner shame. I think every gay man feels it. Most overcome it and don't care what others think of them."  

"Did your father know?" Justin hid his face in the side of Ted's nape, drawing away the rest of the blanket to trace fingers over Ted's naked back.  

"My biological one? Or my step-dad?"  

Justin lifted up his head, eyes staring directly at Ted's profile. "Oh... sorry..." He kept his hand on the back muscles, soothing in small circles. "I didn't even know."  _ Or fathom. Christ... _

"I don't really like talking about it much."  

"That's cool." Justin drifted away, bringing the blanket back to cover Ted's body. He could feel some pressure on his bladder. 

Ted was yawning rather loudly. "Oh, _ whoa... wow _ ... I think I'm ready for bed now."  

Justin let out little chuckles. "I think I killed the mood." He could detect that Ted was nearly flaccid, which was a rare thing.  

"No, no... I'm just--" Ted shook his hand from side-to-side in the air. "I can be so insatiable, sometimes." He made himself snicker rather loudly. "I had a porn marathon one night--I think I nearly killed myself."  

Justin stood, in all his naked glory, brushing fingers through Ted's hair briefly, then walked toward the bedroom. "I'll use the bathroom first."  

"I'll clean up out here and follow." Ted finally stood to fold the blanket that had been around him and threw it back over the sofa. He put away everything on the coffee table, back in the right drawers. Then he picked up the used tissues to place in the kitchen trash can. He shut off the lights and was flicking off the last switch when he walked into his bedroom to find Justin just standing there, in the middle of the room, at the end of the bed. "You okay?" Ted was a bit more comfortable about his naked body in the barely lit room.  

"Yeah, I'm fine. I was waiting for you. I didn't wanna take _ your  _ side of the bed." 

"I don't really have one. Though when I'm alone, I usually sleep on the left side." Ted disappeared into the bathroom. He noticed that the toilet seat was lifted, then proceeded to direct his urine flow into the toilet bowl. He shook off the excess liquid, then flushed. He moved to turn on the faucet knobs to wash his hands. Ted went into the cabinet to find a dry wash cloth so he could wet it and rub soap over the material. He was going to clean off his chest and inner thighs, scrubbing in and around his cock and balls. He hated getting into bed with the stickiness all over him. He threw the dirty cloth into the laundry bin,then pulled down a second dry wash cloth to wet down and soap for Justin. When Ted walked out, Justin still hadn't climbed into bed, but the covers had been pulled back. "Are you sure you're okay?"  

Justin laughed lightly at Ted's concern. "I'm fine. I swear." He noticed the cloth in Ted's hand, then strolled over to take the material. Instead, as he approached, Ted bent to his knees and began to wash Justin himself. Justin had to reach back and catch his hands on the shape of the footboard on the bed frame as Ted wiped the dry sticky semen off his skin with as much normalcy as possible.  

Ted stood, softly slapping a hand around one of Justin's ass cheeks. "Come on. Get in bed. It's starting to feel chilly." He stepped back into the bathroom, only to throw the wash cloth into the dirty clothes bin, then shut off the light.   

Justin had finally climbed into the bed, laying on his back. He chose the right side. Ted sat down on the left side of the bed, swinging his legs up, one at a time. He reached over to the nightstand and brought over the remote control for the TV console on top of his dresser. He simply wanted to put something on to create some background noise. Justin reached down to pull the pile of covers over them, slowly covering legs and then thighs up to each others' waists. They lay side-by-side, arms barely brushing. Justin had thrown an arm back amongst the pillows, Ted was seated upright, back against the headboard and pillows. Justin rolled to turn off his lamp, Ted left his lamp on as the only illumination filling the dark bedroom, other than the glow of the television screen.  

Justin slunk down further, flipping onto his left side, hibernating under the warmth. He pushed himself back enough to be slightly invasive of Ted's side of the mattress. "Night, Ted."  

Ted was already mesmerized by the news, as he found a twenty-four channel to suit his preference of informational bites of the days happenings. "Sleep well, Justin." He set his arm up and around the pillows Justin was laying his head on.  

Justin felt the fingers comb through his hair, the light caress to his cheek. He closed his eyes and was immediately sound asleep, not really aware of how tired he'd been.  

About a half-hour later, Ted lowered the volume, setting the remote back on the nightstand and turned off his lamp. He relaxed on his own left side, back facing Justin, but their legs and bottoms brushed occasionally. Ted didn't fall asleep as easily as Justin had, mainly because his mind was preoccupied with some major decisions he would have to make shortly. He was growing accustomed to someone else in his bed, something he tried not to do while dating. It was too easy to lose that "someone" and go back to sleeping alone. He was attempting not to become too attached, for fear of the day Justin would leave, walk out that front door and never come back. A choice most of the men he had been with, lived with and tried to share his life with often did, eventually.  

Everything just took time, but Ted wasn't sure he had the patience anymore to put forth any effort only to be rejected once again.  

Hours before his alarm would go off, Ted was finally able to shut his eyes and find peaceful rest. If only to slip into a fantasy world where nothing went wrong and where he was at his most happiest.  

** ~&~&~&~ **

Ted was hot. Like in becoming overheated in body temperature. He never moved much when asleep, mostly sticking into his own position and often curling into his own body. Now, someone was trying to take over, combine their body with his.  _ Christ... _ he was near to sweating. He could feel something poking him, relentlessly.  There were slow, small thrusts being made toward him, wanting entrance and relief. He elbowed Justin to roll back over, getting him to lay on his back.  

Ted waited a few minutes to hear Justin rest back into slumber, the release of a heavy sigh. He turned over to follow, tucking one arm under Justin's head as it faced away. He lay his head along side Justin's, sending his other hand down the supine body to find the hardening organ. The legs naturally spread for him, the blond head twisting about to nudge with his own face. After awhile of slow stroking, Ted lifted his head, looked down and pressed a kiss to the sweet face. His hand moved about to circle the waist, five-finger spread over the back as the body turned into his arms, mouth opening and head tilted back. Ted couldn't resist...  

Justin was woken up by being thoroughly kissed; gentle and tender, at first... then deep, hard and passionate. Something he hadn't been expecting. Not even how tight he was being held to the warm body. There had been a hand on him earlier, trying to give him pleasure. He missed its presence and grip. Justin widened his legs, dragging Ted over him as he flipped onto his back again. Locking arms around the wide torso above him, he now rolled them to fall onto Ted's back. His legs were still spread over the waist below. He planted his hands on the bed, rubbing himself against Ted's body, their cocks squished between them.  

That didn't stop them from pausing in movement, simulating the act of fucking. Justin cried out, his mouth open wide over Ted's face as he came, hard, his body vibrating as he jumped off and lay down beside Ted. Ted was right behind him, fitting between his legs. Justin raised his legs, hooking his ankles around Ted's hips and back. Ted gripped his thighs and pounded away on his body, unforgiving in his need for an intense orgasm of his own.  

Justin unlocked his ankles, lowering his legs and turning over within Ted's grasp of his body to lay facedown. Ted held onto the slim waist, barely able to orderJustin to keep his thighs together, before he began to shove his cock tip in between the tightness of the upper thighs, near the lower curves of the ass. He rose to his knees, becoming like a wild man as he bent low to bite and lick at Justin's shoulders and across the blades to the nape of the neck. As he felt his pleasure rise, he gripped onto the headboard, growling out his climax. He jolted several times as he ejaculated, each time his semen getting thicker and in more quantity.  

" _... oh, gawd! oh, gawd!... _ " Ted wailed as he collapsed on top of Justin, then slid off to lay on the mattress. He felt a little ashamed at having shown such weakness at a time when Justin wasn't even aware of reality. Like he had taken advantage and never gave anything back, which was not his usual mode of conduct during sex. Ted was about to place a gentle hand on Justin's perspiring back, when he watched the body rise to prop upright on one hand. He raised up on his own left elbow to make sure Justin was all right. It was then that he noticed that Justin was getting to his knees and stroking himself to another orgasm... or two.  

They weren't as intense, but they needed to be spent. Justin tumbled face down onto the bed, shifting over to merge his body with Ted's, seeking comfort and a  caress, maybe a kiss. Ted obliged, nudging his face with Justin's to kiss the forehead, burying his face into the sweet-smelling blond locks. There was one final shudder against Ted's body, before he splayed his hand over the back, then down to the ass, soothing over the moist, heated skin.  

"No idea where  _ that _ came from." It was a lame apology, but Ted felt it needed to be said.  

Justin had crossed his forearms over Ted's upper chest, letting out a short snicker. "It's okay." He was still a bit out of breath. "I liked it. I liked it more than I thought I would." That was true... and he wanted to do it again, in another few minutes if Ted was up to it. He threw a leg over Ted, climbing on top, hands planted again on the mattress. He pecked kisses along the sweaty skin, sweeping his nose along the throat, using his face to push at Ted's. Justin kissed the bearded jawline and chin, biting lightly until he reached the mouth with the lowered bottom lip he was nipping at, for attention.  

Ted reluctantly put up a hand to stop the actual kiss. "... please..." He begged softly. "... another kiss from you like before..." He shook his head. "I can't promise--" Ted wanted Justin to be aware he had almost fallen over the cusp of not giving a fuck about fucking him. "I  _ need _ the rest of my sleep."  

Justin bent his right arm, placing his head on it, high above Ted's face. "Meet me for another 'lunch' tomorrow..." His eyes glanced at the time. "... later today..." He tucked his hand into the dark curls of the chest hairs, playing over the pert nipples.  

Ted snatched the hand, pressing a soft kiss to the inside of the palm. "I don'tknow, Justin." He couldn't promise he would have the free time. Brian could be back and he would have to behave. He also couldn't swear he wouldn't try to take things further between them into  _ actual _ sex.  

Justin kept his face near Ted's, blue eyes flying over the shadowed features. He was finding Ted looking quite attractive and -  _ dare he say it?  _ \- sexy in the near-darkness. "I won't be able to stop thinking about you. About us." He tucked his face into Ted's hair, near the left ear. "It's a no-brainer day of school for me. If you don't want to meet, I thought I'd stay hom-- _ here _ ..." His lips smiled against the cooling skin, finding Ted's grin rather wide, as well. "... in the bed -  _ naked _ ..." Justin soothed his fingers under Ted's chin, touching the growing beard. "I'll put in some 'training hours' with thirty-three of your oldest friends." He was tracing the lines around Ted's face as it turned toward him. He couldn't help giggling at the pure joy lighting up in Ted's eyes.  

" _Mmm _ ..." Ted spun them in bed, both laying on their sides, facing one another, but Justin's legs tight about Ted's body. "... though I don't condone skipping classes regularly, I suppose  _ one _ day wouldn't be so bad." He kept his lips an inch away from Justin's open mouth. "Though the idea of you here -  _ naked _ ..." He had to "stress" that fact. "... and I could walk in, at any time, and just find you..." For a guy with weird  perversions like Ted had that was like finding a pot of gold at the end of a beautiful rainbow.  

Justin still liked the idea of the second "lunch" better, but to fulfill a few more of Ted's fantasies was something he strived for. To see the utter "glow" and happiness on Ted's face. The way the eyes lit up at something he said or did, it was something Justin kept wanting to do.  

They merged their brows, laying on the same pillow, both sighing heavily in a odd sense of peace and satisfaction.  

** ~&~&~&~&~&~&~ **

Ted was in the middle of a particularly great masturbation session when the knock sounded on the door to his office.  _ Dammit! _ He couldn't recall if he remembered to set the lock before he started.  

" _ **Hold On! I'm just--! ** _ " Ted untucked his hand from his loosened trousers and tried to minimize the window on his computer screen he was currently linked to.  

Whomever wanted in didn't seem to care, simply busting through the closed paneling.  

It was only Brian. " _** Here you are, Teddy! ** _ "  

Ted was stunned to see Brian in the flesh. "You're  _** here ** _ ?!?" It was fairly late enough in the day to figure Brian wasn't going to make it in again. Third day ofbeing "sick".  

"Yup!" Brian smirked, rubbing the palms of his hands together as he headed to the center of the floor, shoving only one hand into his pocket. "Sorry. I had a few, uhm... 'things' to do this morning." He let one side of his mouth quirk upward at the near slip of his words.  

Ted's eyes immediately went to the bandage around one of Brian's hands, up to his mid-forearm. The velcro-ed brace was tucked beneath a wide jacket sleeve, but Brian was holding it tucked to his side, as if he may have torn his shoulder tendons, as well. "Wha--? Are you alright? What happened?"  

Brian looked down at his injured hand. "Nuthin'." It was a dumb excuse, but he couldn't go into too much detail. He would be here all day, and it was half over anyway. "I came in here for two things." He held up two fingers of his un-injured hand.

"Yes?" Ted raised both dark eyebrows. 

"Are you going to lunch today?"  

Ted almost choked on his next breath. "Uh... I wasn't planning on it." He furrowed  his brow. "Why?"  

"Take one." Brian cleared his throat as he moved to stand behind one of the two chairs flanking the front of Ted's desk. He reached out to grab the back of the chair to lean on. "A long one." He scratched at his scalp, averting his head. "I don't want to see you back here until 3pm." Brian rolled over his un-injured arm to glance at the time. He nodded as if to make sure he had enough time on his own to do what he needed to get ready for the late afternoon client meeting. "I'll need you to crunch the numbers for Berman's account." He rubbed at the side of his nose. "You know how he gets when he can have solid results spelled out for him."  

"Yeah, yeah..." Ted was a bit stunned, unable to speak. "Are you  _ serious _ ?" He looked at the time clock on his own computer, down at the bottom right corner. It was nearing eleven in the mid-morning.  

Was Brian on drugs? Or was this even the real Brian Kinney in front of him?  

Ted was noticing a few items of interest on Brian's body, especially with how new and fresh his suit looked, as if he had purchased it this  _ very _ morning. It really didn't look to be custom-fit to the rather trim, muscular frame. It almost looked like someone else's clothes. The thought reminded him of the other day when he and Justin had traded their outfits for the day, but then he frowned, not knowing how to feel about thinking about his Boss'... uhm,  _ boyfriend _ ?  

Brian found something interesting to stare at outside of Ted's slim windows. "Don't make me ask you twice, Schmidt." He strolled over to the view, shrugging one shoulder. "Leave now, for all I care." He rubbed over his face a couple of times, as if to clear his mind, then turned to face Ted. "You wouldn't happen to know where Justin is, would you?"  

"Justin?" Ted gulped, then laughed outright. "Why would  _** I ** _ \--?" He reached up to touch his chest, dropping his hand as he glanced quickly at his computer screen.  

"Never mind." Brian looked down, his hand tracing the sill ledge to wipe off the light layer of dust. "It's not important." He looked back out, again. "But if you  _ do _ see him, when you're out an' about..." Brian swiveled to look at Ted as he made his way back across the floor to the chairs. "... tell him I need to talk to him. I told Honeycutt the same thing." In fact, he had just gotten off the phone with him only minutes ago.  

"Oh, okay..." Ted thought that sounded rather ominous, like there was a serious discussion needing to happen. Probably why Brian had been "out sick" for so many days. "... will do." He could sit upright, but only slanted to the left as the stiffening erection made it impossible to sit comfortably. He was attempting to make it look purposeful that he was leaning over his desk so awkwardly, writing on some papers on his desktop. "Anything else?" Ted lifted one lone eyebrow in perplexity, finally looking up from the legal pad he was pretending to jot down some words and numbers on.   

"Yeah, but... if I say something to you, I don't want you to get the wrong idea."  

Ted stopped writing, holding the ends of the pen in both of his hands, still slanted to the left. He crossed his right leg over his left knee. "Wrong idea?" He chuckled nervously. "About what?" God, he hoped Brian wasn't going to ask him too many intrusive questions.  

Brian's hand had been on the door knob to turn it, but now he was leaning on the paneling, staring at the floor. "That advice you gave me, about seeing your 'friend'--the one who--"  

Ted tried to recall the last conversation he had taken with Brian where he might have given him any type of advice, then his eyes went wide with stunned curiosity. " _You saw Cole? _ "  

Brian smirked, lifting his chin as he nodded slowly. "Turns out, we knew each other in high school. So he, uh... we've been talking for awhile." 

"But he..." Ted knew that Cole had a specialty in the kind of "therapy" he doled out. The idea that Brian had even considered and then had actually gone to see him...  _ whew!..._

"I know, Ted, but  _** I ** _ didn't participate. I did go to see him at his other job and, well..." Brian bowed his head on a secret smile that he tried to hide with his un-injured hand. "... he's a little different from when we were 15-16 years old." He raised his eyebrows rather comically, knowing that comment was a mild explanation.  

"I'd say." Ted laughed rather loudly, shaking his head. "He's at  ** The AfterDark VIP ** room almost on a regular basis." He set his left arm on the chair to bend and rest his jaw on. "So you--?"  

"Like I said, I was  _ there _ , but as an  _ observer _ . I didn't join in. I met up with him, after one of his 'performances' and we just--" Brian shrugged one shoulder as if it wasn't all that interesting, which had scared him how easy it had been to talk to Cole and then open up to him with a certain vulnerability. "... we got to talking."  

" _Hmm _ ... after all those years."  

Brian put out a hand to ward off any more of Ted's oddball advice. "Don't. Cole's form of 'therapy' was enough."  

Ted agreed with a nod of his head. "I did tell you he's a little unorthodox." He got to wondering, from the stories Cole always told him. "Did he, uh... 'help' you with your problem?" It had unnerved him to have Brian confide in him, in that moment, so the advice had been given without any thought that Brian would actually pay attention to him and listen.   

"We'll see." Brian pushed off the door to reach for the handle again, turning it slowly. "I just wanted to -  _ unofficially _ \- 'thank you', at this point." He felt kind of weird coming to Ted and talking to him in private about this, like they had some kind of friendly closeness between them. He opened the door to cross the threshold and close the door behind him.  

"Well...  _ unofficially _ ... you're welcome."  

"Don't let it go to your head." Brian pointed toward Ted, behind his desk. "Back at three. Hear me?"  

"Yes, Sir." Ted saluted in Brian's direction as he disappeared beyond the closing of the door, but then found it opening back up a little for Brian to poke his head around.  

"And... send me the link to that porn you were watching before I walked in. It's usually good for a laugh." Brian waggled his fingers at Ted's blank stare, finally shutting the door on a solid lock of the hinges.  

Ted fell face first on his desk surface.  _ Christ! _ Who knew what Brian had picked up on in the room... the overall odor of hypo allergenic aloe vera lotion, the fact his Kleenex box was closer than usual or that his garbage was practically full with white wads of tissues...  _ God Damn!... _

He went back to slouching in his chair, his right hand shifting his wireless mouse on the pad to reopen the window. His online account at  ** ClubXTC.com ** was now overflowing with "private" videos from  ** urmysunshine - ** _ Justin's quickly made account early this morning _ . It was a pornier version of  ** YouTube ** . Justin had asked if Ted had a digital camera, saying it was for a "school project". Always the sucker, falling for any sob story, Ted had taken out the camera and spent some time explaining to Justin how to use it.  

Awhile ago, Ted had shown Justin - _ on his laptop back at the condo _ \- the different things he would use off the Internet to masturbate to. Little did he know how quickly Justin would take down that information. Justin wasn't using the camera for a  _ school project _ , but for his own personal use, making videos all day of his dildo "training sessions". He had been posting them throughout the morning, cluttering Ted's  ** ClubXTC ** account with videos, filling his Inbox with "alert" messages to check out the private videos "someone" had wanted him to look at. Ted hadn't done much work since he walked in a eight this morning.  

The first couple of videos made his jaw drop in stunned shock, not fathoming that this was  _ actually _ being sent to him. The way Justin "played" for him--it almost made his heart skip a beat. Then came the sudden arousal, the need to touch himself as Justin jacked off. He was good. In fact, he was better than good. Justin was tremendously sensual to himself, which made it all the more tantalizing. It wasn't until the third or fourth video that Justin began to say Ted's name... in different inflections and tones, as he was cumming. Yeah, okay... that was when Ted had really felt his erection growing, needing to masturbate.  

He clicked the mouse along the video toolbar to rewind a few minutes before he had been interrupted...  _ Justin was working that cock inside of him, facing the back of the sofa... one hand gripping the cushions tight, unable to let go as he leaned back in pure ecstasy, the other hand shoving the eight inches deep inside his rectum, crying out the more he thrust outward... _ Ted was back to being hard again, this time not caring about whether someone came through his door or not. His trousers where sent down to his ankles, his boxers at his knees and his cock exposed to the cool air-conditioned air of his office...  _ Justin pounding his body against the cushions, draping himself over the back of the sofa as he felt his orgasm exiting his body... _ Ted proceeded to finish himself off to a final climax, too... cumming harder when he heard his name being gasped out loud, in the confines of his condo...  

Once the video was over, Ted stood to rearrange himself, pulling up his boxers and slacks, zipping up and redoing his belt. He tucked in his shirt, then picked up his cell phone. It felt weird to be calling his own home phone. When no one picked up, Ted simply left a voice message to anyone listening in the room, then hung up to grab his suit jacket, his coat and car keys.  

He wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth and refuse Brian's offer to leave. Certainly when he had what was waiting for him at home.  

** ~&~&~&~**

Justin was still in the living room, taking a break to drink some Gatorade and grab another bottle of water. He was going into the bedroom to make a pit stop in the bathroom before he started again. He heard the phone ring, then the machine turn on to pick up the message being left...  

_** "I'll be coming home for lunch..." ** _ Ted didn't even try to correct himself this time.  _** "... keep up the good work... don't stop on my account..."**_

Justin smiled sweetly as he heard Ted's voice fill the condo and he moved to the machine to replay the message to make sure he had heard the voice the way that it had sounded. He didn't want to assume too much and make another "fool" of himself over a guy.  _ Damn... _ he could listen to that easy slip of "home" over and over again. He pinched his bottom lip and couldn't stop the smile on his face as he moved back over to the living room area.  

There were a few more dildos left on the coffee table. He didn't know if Ted would take his time or rush over. Justin decided not to film this one, but to be in the middle of fucking himself when Ted walked through the door. He had to time it right. Kneeling in front of the coffee table, he brought over the large lotion bottle and began slicking up the next dildo. He had been thinking about the next position to masturbate in and thought it was the right choice as Ted would walk through  that door soon. Hopefully, Justin would be in the middle of his arousal and maybe Ted could join him.  

He slammed the suction side of the dildo down on the wooden surface, then quickly stood. He reached around to prepare his hole, his eyes zeroing in on the size of the rubber cock; his mind kept wandering, thinking about Ted's own size and how much bigger it was compared to the ones he had used up until now. He felt his cock stiffening, not for the dildo, but for Ted. He swiveled around, directing his spread cheeks to impale himself slowly on the erect cock. It filled him gradually, making him close his eyes and begin to moan, hands shaping his neck and upper chest. The further he lowered himself, the more he cried out.  

Justin had no idea of the time, so he really wasn't paying attention when he heard the key in the lock and the paneling opening. He had brought his feet up to rest on the ledge of the coffee table, bouncing up and down as he flapped in mid-air, leaning back on his hands.  

Ted quickly shut the door, not wanting any of his co-tenants to see inside. He quickly shed himself of his coat, then his suit jacket. He moved to kneel in front of Justin, his hands grasping the bare feet. He smirked when Justin finally opened his eyes to stare directly at him. Justin almost felt like tearing up and sobbing, sending his legs about Ted's waist and putting his arms around the chilled body to his warmth. His hands came up to tangle fingers in the dark brown locks, burying his face in the neck as he kept pumping on the dildo. Ted started spanning his hands over Justin's back, then sent his lips over a shoulder, down the biceps and over the upper breastbone. He kept his mouth on the collarbone, licking at the U-shaped notch under the throat.  

Justin was shifting his hands around to work at undoing Ted's tie, loosening the knot and starting to undo the buttons of the long sleeved shirt. Finally, he simply pulled apart the lapels roughly, sending tiny buttons around the room as he merged their bare chests together. He sensed Ted rising, but Justin had no idea he was trying to bring him along. The feel of the dildo popping out of him made him jerk against Ted's body. They fell back against the entertainment unit, Justin gripping onto the top shelf and Ted holding on tight to Justin's body as he carried them over to the sofa. He spun to plop down on his ass, letting Justin straddle him as he reached out to stroke the erection poking him in the stomach. In minutes, Justin came, embracing Ted ridiculously tight as he called out his name and sagged against him, laying his cheek on top of Ted's head.  

Ted soothed the backs of his fingers over Justin's chest, using his ruined shirt's cuff to wipe up the semen. He felt the nudge of Justin's face against his, then turned to meet the waiting lips. At the start, the kiss was soft, barely there... but then their secret desires for one another took over and lips broke apart to meet again but roughly and biting with tongues extended.  

They were  _ ready _ ...  _ more ready  _ than they ever had been before.  

Justin pulled away, one hand clutching the back of the sofa cushions. He stood with wobbly knees, chuckling when Ted helped him find his equilibrium. "I'll meet you in the shower." He did a quaint mock curtsey, then spun around to make his way into the bedroom and into the bathroom.  

Ted heard the shower turn on. He leaned back, hands wiping up and down his thighs. He had come to a shocking decision on the way here, one that he hoped Justin agreed to. He didn't know why he still had doubts, but they were there. He climbed off the sofa and went to lock the front door, turning off the lights on his walk toward the bedroom. Ted undressed, feeling himself growing harder every second more he waited to head into the bathroom.  

The last thing to take off were his boxers. He had them off once he saw the silhouetted shape behind the shower curtain. He shoved aside the plastic curtain to make room so he could climb in. Ted pulled the curtain back, bringing Justin's sleek, soapy body against his chest, his erection fit between the small gap of inner thighs. He reached around for the wash cloth and soap. "Brian's looking for you." He bent to kiss the shoulder, the back of the neck. He replaced the soap, then lathered over Justin's back and over his ass.  

Justin braced his hands on the tiles in front of him. "...  _ mmm _ ... I don't care..." He whimpered and swallowed some water when Ted started rubbing over his crack and the split to his rectum. " _... fuck... _ I'm sore, but I want  _ more _ ." Justin reached for Ted's forearm, wrapping the limb about his waist. He brought his other hand up, behind his head to grab for Ted's face. "... I want  _ you _ ..." He was pushing into Ted's hands as they scrubbed away.  

Ted hugged him close, nuzzling the wet locks. "You want the last dildo?" The one he had told Justin he had spontaneously orgasmed to, the twelve incher.  

"I do... or..." Justin spun within Ted's arm, getting him to drop the washcloth and took both of his arms. He pinned Ted to the tiled wall, offering his neck to kiss - to do  _ whatever _ \- and then he started humping Ted's right thigh, reaching down to take the throbbing slick cock in the dark pubic hair.  

Ted secured one arm around Justin's waist, holding him high and still. "... stop--stop... let's get out of here... no more walls..." He wanted to lay Justin down on the bed, properly start foreplay and maybe...  _ just maybe _ ...  

They shut the water off, stepping out of the tub. Ted grabbed for a towel to help Justin dry off. As he walked closer, Justin kept trying to caress and kiss him, touch his face.  

Ted swatted Justin's backside with the towel. "Go! Get in bed!" He knew he wouldn't have to ask more than once. Surely not when their eyes connected in the room and they shared a mutual smile of contentment--of both of them reaching a huge decision of how to progress further in this-- _ whatever _ they had together.  

Ted remained behind to dry his own body, trying not to glance at his reflection in the mirror. He didn't know what to feel about what he was considering doing. He strolled out of the bathroom, letting the towel fall to the floor. 

Justin had pulled back the covers, leaving the bed one smooth surface. He was seated on the mattress, but as Ted approached he rose to his knees. Ted pulled open the night stand drawer, taking out lube and a strip of condoms. He threw them on the bed, near the pillows.  

"Not that we have to use them. But if this feels like we'll--"  

" _I want you. _ " Justin repeated what he stated in the shower, waddling closer to the edge of the bed.  

"Yeah, well... everybody always wants something." Ted mumbled out as he let Justin grab him about the waist to pull him near.  

"I need you, Ted." Justin tilted his head in a thoughtful manner, letting an easy smile slip out.  

"Don't." Ted placed a soft touch to Justin's chest. "You don't need to butter me up to get me aroused." He flourished his hand down to show how hard he was already. He used his chin to show Justin he wanted him to move back so he could get on the bed, too.  

Justin backed up, holding out his hand. "Come here... to me."  

Ted had gotten on the mattress by one knee, then pulled the other leg over to sit down on his calves. "... no pressure..."  

"I know." Justin tugged Ted upright to stand on his knees.  

Ted's arms were about Justin's waist, Justin's arms were around Ted's neck, resting on the shoulders.  

Justin nudged their heads, then dipped in for a kiss. Funny how it was as shy as any first kiss would be. He spoke these words against Ted's mouth. "Let's lay down... get used to each others' bodies..."  

As Ted was lowering with Justin, he looked over at the digital alarm clock -  ** 11:45am ** ... plenty of time to "get to know" one another pretty well, as if they didn't know each other from the last few days of their sexual antics.  

This was different, quite monumental and neither man was making it less of a deal than if it was their first times in bed with another man...  

** ~&~&~&~... TBC...~&~&~&~ **

 


	4. Chapter 4

They lay embracing, holding tight and strong, kissing for the longest time. Then they mutually masturbated...

Justin was on his back, first, letting Ted kiss and caress him. Then came the tentative feel of a tongue on the tip of his cock. He arched his back, begging to be sucked off. The sight of Ted swallowing him whole made Justin cum too soon, but Ted didn't get angry or make fun of him. He simply rolled Justin over to kiss and bite at the ample ass cheeks, then spread them apart to expose the puckered hole. 

When Justin saw Ted grab for himself, he immediately thought this would be  _ the moment _ , but it wasn't. Ted was merely stroking his length to hardness, rimming the hole and sending Justin into a different realm of pleasure. 

Next was Ted's turn, who actually held Justin to his side as he lay on his back, then set Justin free to flow down his body. Justin tried, but Ted's cock was just too big to swallow whole. He sucked enough of the length to get Ted to cum several times. Ted flipped over to lay facedown, Justin complied with as much effort as he could muster. He didn't think his rimming skills were too special, but they seemed to send Ted off into ecstasy. 

So they lay there... naked, sweaty and semen drying on their bodies. Ted still facedown, Justin alternating between his right side, facing Ted, or on his back to smile up at the ceiling. Odd to glance over at Ted "Theodore" Schmidt and be able to say that there was someone out there who was just as good as, if not better than, Brian Kinney. 

Justin scooted over, arm and leg over Ted's body. "... you sleepy?" He bent his other arm to set his head down on. 

"...  _ mmm _ ... a little..." Brown eyes opened to look across at intensely staring blue. "I'm at the age where I need time to conserve my energy." He twisted his head over to look at the alarm clock. It was now close to one in the afternoon. 

Justin let his fingers dance over Ted's back, along the spine. "You don't have to do everything first, Ted." 

"I'm not really..." Ted could feel the need of the fingers to explore over his ass, maybe slip between his cheeks to his anus. He rose up on his elbows. "... uh, ready to be fucked by you." He didn't feel like explaining himself. 

"Ready?" Justin was chuckling softly. "I'm not that--" He wasn't understanding what Ted had to get "ready" for. 

"It's more of a  _ mental _ thing, Justin." Ted dragged over a pillow to lay his cheek on and look over at Justin. 

"Tell me." Justin realized there was a bit more to this issue than just the sex act alone. "Maybe we could--" 

Ted turned his head to rest his chin on the folded plushness and stare at the head board. "Can we just drop the subject?"

"Sure, sure..." Justin rubbed Ted's back, soothing in small circles. "I'm sorry for pestering you." He bussed his lips on the bunched shoulder then rested his chin against the upper biceps. He closed his eyes, turning onto his left side to face the wall. Justin wasn't tired, per se, but he was a little exhausted. 

Ted dropped his head in shame, then brought his body upright to sit behind Justin's curled body, hovering above him. His hands were planted on the mattress, one near Justin's curved back, the other where Justin's arms crossed as he huddled into himself. Ted bent first to nuzzle and whisper a sweet apology onto the right ear. His hand smoothed a path up and down the back. Ted dropped to nip and kiss the shoulder joint and biceps. Justin rolled over to his back, reaching out for Ted's right forearm. 

Ted cleared his throat as he began to explain something to Justin. "Sex is as real as two people can get. It's not as easy for guys like me... Emmett or Michael to just coldly go through motions and _ not _ feel  _ something _ . Not all men are like Brian. And I mean m-e-n, not boys who pretend to be men." 

"Like me?" Justin knew how some of the group felt about him. He wondered if Ted felt the same. He certainly never took the time to chide Justin for his age nor did he belittle him at any time. Justin expected it, though, simply because he was used to it from Brian. He felt the bed shake as Ted situated his body on top, sliding open Justin's legs. 

"Hey..." Ted grabbed for Justin's chin, lifting the head. "... I wasn't trying to--" He shook his head and sighed. Maybe it sounded like he did, but it wasn't like he was trying to tease him like Brian probably did. "Well... when you're giving all the 'Brians' of this world more of a chance than us lowly regular folk." He touched his own chest, but he meant everyone  _ like _ him, and a majority of his friends. "We don't like to gloat, but you'll learn far more how to be a human than just being a 'gay man'." Ted reached out to cup the side of Justin's face, his thumb playing over the puffed out bottom lip. He dipped to kiss, once, and hard. "You're so much more than just a homosexual." He sloped his hands from shoulder, down the biceps, then along the forearms to grasp the fingers of the open hands. 

Ted had replaced his hand with his own face, Justin was turning his into the side of the cheek, his lips grazing the beginning coarse hairs of a stubble. "I feel it." He slowly arced into Ted's body above him. "I've learned more these past few days..." His lips trailed down the jawline into the chin and neck. "... than I ever have with  Brian. Mostly about that 'guy' you were telling me about." Justin didn't expect the hands to imprison his wrists to the bed, restraining him from movement. He opened his mouth in simple pleasure of a possible rough side to Ted. 

"What 'guy'?" Ted wasn't expecting to feel so jealous, but it came to him in an instant, making him pin Justin down to the bed. 

Justin furrowed his brow, averting his head and trying to hide the smile that wanted to creep out on his face. "... uh, 'Justin'--I think his name was." He didn't know how, but he wriggled out of the bind of the hands to reach up to cup both sides of Ted's face, rising to kiss a straight line down the face, from high forehead, down the slope of the nose to the waiting lips. 

Once the kiss broke apart, they smiled and shared a laugh, both reaching for the lube. They kissed quick at the hilarity, then split the tasks. Justin opened the condom packet while Ted inserted his slicked fingers. He helped Justin sheath his length, then went back to pinning the wrists to the mattress again. 

"Lift your legs, high around my waist." Justin obeyed as Ted raised a bit to watch the tip of his erection disappear inside the gaping hole. He glanced down at Justin's face, watching the dark blond lashes against the pale skin, the flush to the cheeks and that adorable way Justin had of biting his bottom lip. Ted inched in as delicately as he could, watching Justin's body resist his full entrance. " _... honey,... c'mon... open your eyes... _ " He released the wrists. " _... please... trust me... _ " He cradled the hips, sliding down to raise the bottom off the bed, seeing if that helped any to make it more comfortable. " _... let me in... _ " His lips were speaking against the cheek, close to the open mouth. Ted could still feel the tight barrier preventing him from complete insertion. 

Justin opened his eyes and proceeded to blink slowly, trying to focus. He brought his legs to his chest, Ted slid in even further. Justin cried out and clamped his hands down on the single bed sheet under him, latching on for dear life. He nudged his face with Ted's, wanting the mouth on his. "I don't know what's wrong. I thought I was ready." He was heavily breathing, his heart racing with some fear he might not be able to go through with this. He actually couldn't have what he wanted...  _ most _ ... Justin pushed his head back, neck straining as if in serious pain. He could feel his heart literally breaking in his ears. 

Ted planted his knees, beginning to slowly pull out when Justin brought out his hands to grab around his bare bottom. 

" _ Don't! _ " Justin begged, out of breath. "... don' move... jus' lay here..." 

"Honey..." Ted kissed the face, then pet the sides of the profusely sweating face. "... if this is too painful, I'd rather--" He felt his own face grabbed roughly, his mouth taken to be kissed into silence. The hands around his head were shaking with such nerves, near fear. Ted wrinkled his brow with deep concern, then reopened his eyes to stare below into blue ones under him. "...  _ what's wrong? _ " He tilted his head,  bringing up a hand to rub the back over Justin's face. "... talk to me, please..." 

"... tell me, honestly..." Justin sniffled, clearing the lump in his throat. "... is this... what real 'love' is?" 

Ted was rendered speechless, unable to do much of anything but close his own eyes and lean his brow on Justin's forehead. "... don't ask me things like  _ that _ ..." He could feel tears billowing behind his eyes, emotion choking him to quiet. 

"I want to know...  _ please _ ..." Justin grabbed for Ted's biceps on either side of him, holding on with such force. "... I don't--I love-- _ have loved _ Brian..." He swallowed with some difficulty. "... but the sex was never like this." 

"It's only  _ me _ ." Ted made a frown-y face which made Justin smile a little. "But I'm not  _ him _ ." 

"No." Justin shook his head, arms about Ted's torso, pulling him closer to his chest. "... it's me... I'm not who I thought I was supposed to be." 

Ted looked down between their bodies, what space was left for him to watch and make sure things were fine as they remained still in movement. "You'll be over me." When he raised his eyes, he let out a sad smile. Ted nodded his head when Justin shook his again. "They always are. I'm good for one night stands... an' short term relationships. I'm not  _ that  _ guy." 

" _ What guy? _ " 

"The 'forever' kind." Ted cleared his throat, averting his eyes. "I'm just temporary, until someone better comes along." 

"... no... no... not to me you aren't. Especially not now." 

"Now that sex is involved?" 

"No. We've shared so much more than just sex. At the start, you were the only one to show an inkling of worry about me. Like you  _ actually _ gave a shit." Justin furrowed his brow with curiosity. "How did you know?" 

"Your eyes..." Ted began to touch the things he was mentioning. "... your body language..." He let a hand roam down Justin's frame. "... your smile..." His hand came up to trace the top and bottom lips. 

"... you know my 'smile'?" Justin had never felt like crying in bed before, his heart near to bursting. 

"I've been where you are and it didn't end well for me." Ted shook his head, blinking his eyes slowly as he tried to wipe that memory from his mind. "I just think the world needs more Justin Taylors than they do Ted Schmidts." 

Someone was actually thinking more of  _ him _ than their own self, it was such a refreshing change of pace to feel. The truest sensation of being cared for and protected. Justin was now smiling broader, with a better reason for tears to be clouding his vision. He scraped the back of his hand over Ted's cheek. He tucked his arms under Ted's armpits, pulling him near, merging their bodies. "...  _ I need you _ ..." Justin now knew what that word meant, rather than saying it to get a reaction. He really  _ felt _ it. "I've never been more serious." 

"I know." Ted's eyes were concentrating hard on how much different Justin's features were becoming, what he could see shining out of his eyes. "I 'see' that now." He brought up his hands, thumbs playing at the corners of the watery blue eyes. "Stop crying, you'll give me a complex." Ted gently rolled his hips, his mouth catching the guttural grunts. 

Justin felt the fullness inside of him, the rocking action making him desire a more deeper penetration. Ted gave more, even without asking. He began to increase his thrust, watching Justin take every inch of him. Ted reached between their bodies, stroking the cock laying on Justin's stomach. 

"... make me cum for you..." Justin whispered into Ted's ear. 

"... yeah?... are you gonna cum for me when I ask you to?" Ted slid his mouth down Justin's face to kiss over flushed skin. 

" _... yes... _ " Justin let out breathlessly. 

"Not one second more or less?" Ted nipped at the upper chest, across the breast bone and nipples. 

Justin seemed to become more aroused by the talking, low and vibrating between their bodies. "... no... never..." 

"...  _ gawd _ ..." Ted gasped as he felt the walls clench him tighter. "... you're so beautiful..." To finally be able to say the words and mean them in the very moment, he felt a bit freer, confident in his control. Certainly when the one laying under him was receptive to his comments made. 

"... you make me  _ feel _ beautiful..." Such a heady sensation to change from wanting to be beautiful for someone rather than being wanted for the way he looked. 

"... helps when you're not ugly." Ted frowned with some wonderment, to actually watch Justin come apart under him was much more arousing than heexpected. "...  _ why do you want me? _ " 

"Because..." 

"... 'cuz -  _ why _ ?

"Because no one else will." Justin cried out on a release of breath. 

Ted began to pound away faster. "...  _ who do you belong to? _ " 

"...  _ you _ ..." Justin groaned out, tilting back his head to offer his throat. 

"Wrong." Ted grabbed the blond hair at the back of the head, biting and licking at the elongated neck offered to him. "...  _ who do you belong to? _

"... I don't know..." 

"... say 'nobody'... you belong to no one and nobody... not even to me..." Ted growled out that last portion, shooting his first load inside the condom. He kept thrusting, even as he felt his body weakened. "... don't cum until I say so..." 

" _... ted, please... ah, gawd... fuck me... faster, please... more.. _ ." When he got no return action, Justin was worried. "...  _ teddy? _ ..." 

"What?" Ted couldn't take the time out to listen to much else but mostly Justin's grunting, each time he entered him. 

"... I jus'-- _ I love you _ ..." 

Ted closed his eyes as he felt the next series of climaxes hit him, in succession. "...  _ cum for me _ ..." He growled out again as Justin released his own orgasm, body tightening and anal muscles clenching, painfully milking Ted of every last drop. He fell on top of Justin, Justin continuing to counter-thrust... his body always craving more... 

After a few minutes of silence, filled with quick breathes, Ted pulled out with ease, making quick work with getting rid of the soiled condom. He shifted off Justin, then moved to his side of the bed, landing on his back. He could only stare at the ceiling, with one arm thrown over his face as he tried to absorb everything that had just happened, with those three little words being stated, so easily off pretty lips... 

He didn't know why, but he started to cry. At first, they were lone silent tears, then they gradually grew into full-fledged, uncontrollable sobs. 

When he found his sapped strength once more, Justin crawled over, enveloping his limbs as best he could, around Ted's hunched body, pulling him into his arms. "...  _ ssshhh... oh, my poor, poor teddy _ ... what have  _ we _ done to you?..." He tried to kiss away the steadily falling tears, seeking words of comfort people had given him, in times of need. He kept drawing a blank, feeling that he couldn't do much else but hold Ted. 

Ted didn't know how to answer, or how to apologize. He simply buried his face in Justin's chest and let himself weaken, allowing Justin to comfort him how he saw  fit. It was endearing if not somewhat pathetic. "I'm sorry... you don't deserve this. Me... a grown man, blubbering over you. I'm not sure I really know  _ how _ to love. At least... not well. I can't--I haven't for a long time... been capable of loving myself very much..." 

"... your recovery?" 

"Part of it. I just--I've never been able to last in a loving relationship. Not even in my own family. I remember my mom and I--we used to be inseparable. Since she stayed home and Dad worked." 

"Your biological one?" Justin swept back what was left of Ted's bangs, pressing his lips against the temple as he leaned his chin on Ted's forehead. 

"Uh, no... sorry... I meant my step-dad. I called him 'Dad'... well, because he was there to raise me most of my life, practically. But at some point..." Ted shook his head in confusion. "... my mother--she just 'checked out' on me. She wasn't the same." 

"All this time." Justin could feel a sudden sense of guilt. His Mom had never left his side, not even when she learned of his homosexuality. He just knew how scared she was for him, which he understood. So why didn't he want her in his life? "Have you even asked her  _ why _ ?" 

"... no, not really. My parents generation was a form of the age-old 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell'. You kept things in the family. Then, if things got really bad, spouses kept the darker secrets between them, in order to keep a functioning happy home." Ted began to rub his hand over Justin's forearm around him, along his torso. 

"Does your mother know you're gay?" 

"Yeah. She hasn't told Dad... uh, my step-dad. But my  _ real _ father knows." 

"So..." Justin found this rather interesting. "... you're not really a 'Schmidt'?" 

"No." Ted had to chuckle, so many kids had mispronounced his last name on purpose as a mere taunt. He had hated it for many years before he just came to grips with it. 

"I like it, though." Justin cleared his throat, lifting his head, furrowing his brow. "What's your middle name?" 

Ted shifted down, able to relax back against the slight curve of Justin's body as he lay on his right side. "...  _** Oliver ** _ \--after my grandfather, my mother's father..." He had absolutely no more "connections" to his biological father, except in looks and eye color. 

"I like it too." Justin couldn't help the smile spreading over his lips. He loved the  way Ted let him cuddle him. Brian would've been fifty feet away from him the minute he was touched. "It's a strong name. So is 'Theodore'. Has anyone ever called you 'Theo'?" 

"Once... in, uh, summer camp. Oh... and my piano teacher, Mrs. Chalmers." 

Justin was startled by this information. "You can play piano?" 

"Meh...  _ barely _ ." 

"Mom got me clarinet lessons. I didn't last more than six months. I wasn't any good." Justin hadn't been disappointed by it. 

"...  _ mmm _ ... maybe we should form a band, called The Mediocres." 

They both dissolved into heavy chuckling, both more interested in savoring the moment of each other... simply touching, caressing, wrapped about one another in the aftermath. 

"I wasn't lying before." Justin interrupted the silence. 

"Huh?" Ted was lost in space. 

"I've loved you as a good friend. I do like you, more than I should or is good for me. You've always been more kind... nicer to me despite my, uh... hang-ups." Justin knew he didn't have to explain what was wrong with him. "I have to admit, though, I had--" He couldn't help smirking with the thoughts running through his mind, of finally being able to tell Ted everything that had been inside his thoughts over the years. "I have had a slight 'crush' on you." 

Ted almost choked, then went slightly paler. " _** What?!? Get the fuck outta here?! ** _ " He wanted to swat Justin, but that would be in poor taste. 

"... no, no...  _** I'm serious! ** _ " Justin pulled back to look down at Ted, now laying on the mattress and pillow under his head. "You reminded me of this boy I used to know in grammar school. The other kids called him 'Einstein'... 'Poindexter'. He always wore expensive, proper clothes to school -  _ public school, no less _ . Like suits and trousers, sport jackets, sweater vests and loafers with an array of bow-ties. He could've been your son." 

"God... poor kid..." Ted swallowed to think of any child actually being burdened with his "looks" and slight characteristics. 

" _** I ** _ **** liked him." Justin brought up a hand to swirl his fingers through the dark chest hairs. This was nice; not truly like a Bear, but enough to make him like the silky feel, want it against his skin again. "He always had these  _ candies _ . He'd give me some; peppermints and cinnamons... even caramels." He lowered his eyes in sadness, instant sorrow washing over him, wondering a  ** What If ** scenario. "Then they  -  _ my parents  _ \- they shipped me off to private school, to St.James. I never got to see him again." 

Ted could detect a genuine depression over the loss, more like grief, though. "You recall his name?" Not that he could be jealous, but it was nice to know the little things. It told you who they were as people. 

"Phillip Keller." Justin sent his hand down to the abdominal wall, over the chunky waist line. He had no idea how much he really wouldn't care about how another man looked without his clothes. Justin had simply kept to the ones Brian attracted, which were usually beautiful and waify...  _ just like him _ . He hated to think what Brian would do if he put on some pounds. 

"Do you wonder where he is now?" 

"No... because I know where he is." Justin flipped over, then slid down to lay scrunched to Ted's side. 

"Oh... why not? Where is he?" Ted hoped it wasn't anything like what Chris Hobbs had done, but on a smaller scale

"The year I was placed at St. James - eight grade, the year before high school... Phillip had enough of all the bullying and he hung himself in his bedroom with his favorite leather belt." Justin stared up at the ceiling, then sniffled turning over to his side again to huddle into Ted. He felt the ease of the arm come about him, nimble fingers in his hair. He closed his eyes and savored the sudden change in comfort. He knew with time, he would get better at this and be able to reciprocate. 

" _ Dear God _ ..." Ted secured his left arm around Justin's body, lifting him into his chest. "... you've led quite a young life, huh?" As he let his arm loosely rest along the broad shoulder blades, he quietly wondered what "scars" were still left under all that abundant blond hair. Were there even scars left over? Or was Justin still as perfect as the day he was born? Ted had never been curious enough, or brave enough, to ask Justin about the days after his bashing. 

"I'm not proud of how I handled myself, before and after my attack. I let the fear eat at me, then I got cocky. And then I got vengeful. None of which was healthy for me." 

"I kept wondering, every time I took Blake back -  _ this last time especially _ \- was I simply thinking I wasn't worth anyone's patience or time? Like I'm hard to love, harder to hold." 

"I think we all wonder, when the one we want doesn't want us back the same." Justin soothed his hand down Ted's arm, grabbing his hands, threading their fingers as their palms lay together. "Did you really love Michael?" 

 "I did, at first. Purely innocent, like a crush. I admired him. So young, beautiful... and deeply committed when in love. Who doesn't want  _ that _ ?" Ted shrugged one shoulder, watching Justin's hand blend with his own. "Then I got this crazy, obsessed, stalker vibe thing that was really unattractive, pathetic and... embarrassing." 

"Is that how I look, do you think, with Brian?" Justin was asking honestly. 

"... Justin..." Ted really didn't want to delve into history of Kinney with Justin in  _ his _ bed. 

"It's okay." Justin let go of Ted's fingers, then pat the side of the rib cage his hand was near. "I think I've always been aware I'm just a temporary 'fix'." 

"For Brian?" Ted raised one lone eyebrow in bewilderment. 

"Yeah.

"Why? Do you think he's just waiting around for his moment with Michael? Wasting time with you?" 

"I think 'something' already happened." 

"With what?" Ted let out a heavy sigh of discomfort. 

"They must've had a fight... and Brian's sulking." Justin could already feel Ted attempting to get up and draw his body away, most importantly take away their combined warmth. 

Ted rolled his eyes, then made a sudden move to leave the bed. He felt his forearm being snatched, pulling him back to sit. Justin slid up behind Ted, wrapping his arms about him, locking one hand around a wrist. 

Justin rested his chin on the dip of shoulder, looking at Ted's profile. "You really have to go now?" It was amazing how when given the right light, the perfect moment... someone so ordinary and dull, by some standards, could become so damn-fucking attractive. 

"It's almost two." Ted glanced sadly at his digital alarm clock, mocking him from a few inches away. "I should think about another shower and getting ready. Well... dressed back into my clothes from before." 

"Is there any way I can convince you not to leave just yet?" Justin rubbed his hand over Ted's stomach, trailing up to tweak his nipples, then licking the column of neck, every couple of beats kissing skin. 

Ted couldn't help the need to spread his thighs and offer himself into Justin's capable hand. He leaned back, letting someone else take over foreplay for once. It  was quite arousing and exciting. "God-damn... Brian's gonna kill me..." He twisted his body to place his knee on the bed and crawl toward Justin, as Justin slinked back onto the pillows near the center of the mattress. Justin flipped over onto his stomach, laying face down on the bed. He reached for one condom, keeping the lube for himself. Ted brushed his body over the pale flesh under him as he made to situate between the rapidly spreading legs. "... he'll serve me my testicles on a platter..." 

"Not before I have my fill of them." Justin was upright, on his knees, as Ted conformed to his back. "I'm not any safer, either, I think." He cried out as he felt Ted bite his skin along his spine. "It's fine with him if I fuck everyone, just not anyone he considers a 'friend'." 

"Brian's not my 'friend'. And I surely won't be one after  _ this _ ." Ted grabbed Justin's hips, sliding in with ease this time. He didn't know why this made him so happy. 

It was on his tongue to tell Justin the pat response of " _** I love you, too ** _ " or that he felt something like it. Or even that he could eventually deeply fall head over heels. But for the first time, Ted simply wanted the sex, allowing the other person to do all the emotional work. 

He was tired of giving his heart, giving his all. Letting men in who only ended up hurting him... rejecting him... leaving him because they thought Ted deserved better than them. He hated to inform them, he wasn't deserving of much... if anything. 

Who  _ was _ Theodore Oliver Schmidt? And what - _ who _ \- did he deserve? 

** ~&~&~&~&~&~&~ **

Ted's mind was drifting as the boardroom started to empty. He numbly watched Brian walk their client, Mr. Berman, out the back glass door of his office. Ted turned in the chair to find Cynthia trying to clear off the massive table on her own. " _** Oh, shit! ** _ " He planted his feet down to push out of the chair. "Sorry. How rude of me, huh?" He tried to laugh off his nervousness. 

Cynthia smiled sweetly. "Well, when you open your own business, it gets to be typical you have to do everything yourself. Plus..." Her smile widened, if possible. "... Brian 'schmoozes' better than I do. 'Grabby-Hands' Berman doesn't get to pinch my ass, or pat it, when he's with The Boss." 

Ted was a little outraged he had never noticed Berman's advance on Cynthia. "You must be grateful for him - Brian - sometimes." 

" _ Love to hate him, hate to love him. _ He's one of the most honest bosses I've ever worked for. I'd trust him with my life... and my family's. And, surprisingly, he'd give you the shirt off his back, if you needed it. Not many think he can be that charitable." 

"I  _ know _ . I do the account books." 

"Jerk. You know what I mean." 

Ted tried not to roll his eyes. "Yes. I'm familiar with the recanting of Saint Kinney... from Michael."

"Whatever, Mr. Grinch." 

"Uh... does he have anything scheduled the rest of the afternoon?" 

"Other than dinner reservations with Michael?" 

Eyebrows rose in mild shock. "Dinner? With  _ Michael _ ?" 

"Yeah..." Cynthia giggled almost like a schoolgirl, then flipped her blonde curls over a shoulder. "... isn't it adorable? Brian actually has a 'date'?" 

"It's Michael. It's not a 'date'." 

"Oh... do I detect a bit of jealousy, m'dear? I beg to differ." 

"Well..." Ted shoved his shaking hands into his trouser pockets. "... being that I also try not to look directly into the Sun... uh, no... I tend to not meddle in the affairs of Brian and Michael." 

"Then... you haven't  _ heard _ ..." 

" _ Heard _ ? Heard- _ what _ ?" 

"Uhm..." Cynthia bit her bottom lip as she watched Brian circle the outer cubicles of other employees, then was about to make his way back into his office, through the first glass door. "... you might wanna ask Brian, yourself. And, no... Brian was going to leave early." She quickly darted on by, slipping past Ted to the door first, so she could hold it open for Brian to enter. 

"... thanks..." Ted muttered as he rubbed at his chin. He paced from the table back to Brian's desk, one hand tucked into a pocket. He stopped for a bit, crossing his arms and leaning back on the glass desk, his eyes downcast. 

Brian shut the spring-action door as Cynthia departed. "Cynthia seems to think you needed to talk to me." He didn't even bother taking his old boardroom chair, he went right behind his desk. Brian had become comfortable with holding his arm tight to his side, where his hand injury was still bound. 

"I do." Ted pursed his lips, then twisted to rest his left hip on the desk edge, almost facing Brian. "What's going on with you and Michael?" 

Brian set his good arm on the surface of the glass. "Same as always. None of your fuckin' business." 

"...  _ mmm _ ..." Ted nodded his head, having expected that type of response. "Do you still need to know where Justin is?" He stuck his tongue in the inside of his cheek, scratching a finger on his face. 

Brian's face went completely blank, devoid of emotions. "Did he call you?" 

"Nah..." Ted shook his head, his eyes and head averting to the side as he spoke in one single breath, fearing the wrath that would follow. "... he's been staying with me the past few nights, and when you let me go home for lunch, I finally fucked him." He bent low, hands fisted and knuckles splayed on the desk, as if he was daring Brian to challenge him. 

Brian sputtered out a loud laugh, leaning back, and slightly rocking, in his desk chair. He wasn't noticing Ted's joking smirk. In fact, Ted never broke his stoic character. "Oh... you were being  _ serious _ ?" 

That was almost as bad as the normal sarcastic response. 

" _** Jesus Christ! ** _ Does it take a fuckin' nuclear bomb to go off to make you do something that's  _ not _ completely for you own benefit?" 

Brian set his elbow on the chair arm, chin resting in his hand, fingers over his face. "I'm gonna take it that now you've become a 'champion' for Justin's cause, not Michael's." 

"Michael never needed me, not like--" Ted regretted how passionate he was about this point, especially since he wasn't even about to let Justin know how much he cared, or  _ could _ care. The less Brian knew, the less ammunition he had to pin against him. 

Brian sputtered out a snort of snickers. "You think  _ Taylor _ needs you?" 

"Please..." Ted slowly blinked, opening his eyes to look directly into Brian's face, eyes never wavering. "... just let him go. He serves no purpose for you other than another hole to fuck, to feel all self-important that you can be the 'puppet master'. Make some unsuspecting young man your own personal fuck toy." 

Brian was startled by Ted's intensity, but he didn't show it. Any sign of weakness would leave him vulnerable, even to Schmidt. "And you told me  ** I ** __ might need therapy." 

Ted held out a hand, palm out to hold back Brian's sharp wit. "I'm not doing this with you anymore. This isn't a game-- _** it's a fuckin' life! ** _ A life you could very well destroy, if you're not careful." Though the desk was huge, he didn't realize how  easy it was to slide over the floor. I caused Brian slide back his chair. "...  _** sorry ** _ ..." Ted mumbled out, but couldn't seem to find the decorum to pull the entire desk forward again. 

"And- _ what _ ? He jumps directly from  _ my _ bed into  _ yours _ ? Isn't that  _ exactly _ what you're here to call me out for doing?" 

" _** No! ** _ " Ted's fist slammed down, shaking a few of Brian's supplies and frightening Brian again. For now, he would back away from the desk. " ** I am NOTHING! like you! ** We both might have Michael in our lives... and we're gay men, but that's  _ it _ ! I... am  _ different _ . I have a capacity to love... and you  _ don't _ ." He kept using his index finger to point in the air toward Brian. "I'm able to give my heart... my mind and my body... and you're nothing more than a walking cock..." 

"All right... ** enough! ** " Brian grabbed the edge of his desk to stand. " _** I get it! ** _ " He held out both hands in his defense. 

Where was all this anger coming from? It surely wasn't from one lunch hour of fucking Justin... 

"No... I don't think you do or ever will." Ted folded his arms over his chest, squinting his eyes at Brian. "Did you really go to the therapy sessions with Cole to take what he said to 'heart'? Or did you simply let him blabber on and on... and you just do whatever the fuck you want?" 

"What is your problem? A few hours in blond boy's ass and you're the fuckin' Holy Messiah? What are you--his 'Daddy' now?" 

"I am more to him than you'll ever be." Ted lifted his chin with pride. He was nearly tempted to tell Brian Justin "loved" him, but even  _ he _ didn't trust that word. "Even if this doesn't end well, he'll think of me fondly. You'll be nothing more than disdain, frustration and regret... _ a big fuckin' heartbreak _ ..." He spun on his foot and tried to exit. 

" _** Hey! ** _ " Brian was moving hurriedly around his desk, rushing to the door to block Ted's path. He bumped his arm, accidentally, which hindered his pacing. 

Ted twisted from the doorway. " _** What!? ** _ " 

" _** Get the fuck back here and sit down! ** _ " Brian was trying to keep his cool, since the door was wide open. 

Ted only stared, over a shoulder, then turned to keep walking. 

Brian sprinted to follow. " _** Get back here... sit and calm the fuck down... or I'll fire you! ** _ " He thought that last threat would be the clincher. 

A few gasps filtered the huge room. It was tough to yell and not hear  echoesbouncing off the high walls. Even Cynthia was on alert, especially since she had left them in pretty good spirits in Brian's office. 

" _** Don't bother, Kinney... 'cuz I quit! ** _ " 

Jesus, Brian felt the quick flutter of his heart. He'd never seen Ted like this. Not the intense passion for another man, but his irrational anger boiling over. " _** You can't quit 'cuz I fired you first! ** _ " 

A couple people snickered, finding it humorous. Neither man paid attention to anyone around them, focused on each other and how annoyed they were becoming with the other. 

Brian had longer legs and before Ted could move toward his office door he reached him, grabbing Ted under the arm by the biceps. 

Ted tried to push, and slap, Brian away. " _** Don't! ** _ " His voice cracked, like that of a little boy who didn't want to be touched by the punishing parental figure.  _** "... get offa me!... don't touch me!... you can't bully me anymore into-- ** _ " Ted could feel himself getting out of control, his heart beat in his ears... his skin sweating profusely or at least it felt that way. He could hear his name being called, a tight grip on his neck, but he closed his lids tight. 

"...  _ whoa, whoa _ ...  _** Ted?!... Ted?!? ** _ " Brian safely backed Ted up against the square pole in the center of the huge floor space, a hand cupped at the nape of the neck. " _... teddy... look at me... open your eyes and focus... it's Brian... _ " He tried to snatch under the chin, get Ted to look directly into his eyes, but the head was snapped back. " _... come, on... focus... it's me... Brian... _ " Brian hushed his voice to a private level, between them. He swallowed hard when watery brown eyes - _ almost like Michael's  _ \- looked up at him desperate for answers, ones he knew he couldn't give. 

Ted reached out with his fist, only able to clench Brian's shirt and tie into his grip. "... you think you can do it... all those years... jus' flip the switch to OFF an' it goes away." One solid tear fell, accompanied by a sniffle. "... then one minute you're with someone... someone who could really love you despite - _ everything _ ..." That last word was whispered almost secretly. "... but you can't..." Ted shook his head. "... you can't speak... you can't tell anyone because it's 'our secret'... and if you tell, you'll... we'll get in trouble... and the love will go away... jus' vanish..." He could barely speak now, tears escaping freely. "... POOF!!... like a cloud of dust..." 

Brian cupped the side of Ted's neck to bring their foreheads together. " _... god... I'm sorry... _ " He didn't need anyone to tell him what Ted was talking about. 

It was as if for a moment in time, one second lingering, they shared a similar past... seriously crappy, fucked up childhoods... 

"No..." Ted sniffled, wiping under his nose and over his upper lip. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean an--never mind." He sighed, leaning back on the post. "I'll be out of my  office in--" 

Brian released Ted, still keeping himself close by, but tucking his good hand into his pocket, the bandaged one dangling by his side. "... nah... get in my office, Ted." He motioned with his head, eyes still zoned in on Ted's features. "We  _ need  _ to talk." 

That was glaringly obvious. 

"Am I still fired?" Ted nodded his head, pushing off the wall. 

"No, you never were." Brian clamped a hand on Ted's shoulder, squeezing tight. "... idle threat--like I do..." 

" _ Mmm _ ... figures..." Ted smirked with one side of his mouth. "... what would you do without me, anyway?" He cleared his throat, not looking at anyone watching him as he easily strolled back into Brian's office. 

Brian only had to catch Cynthia's eyes to know  _ she _ had known about  _ this _ \-- _ this personal history of Ted's _ ... _ dammit... _ He signaled to her, then moseyed on after Ted's disappearance. 

" _** Okay, everyone!! ** _ " Cynthia spoke out loud, clapping her hands. " _** Show's over! Let's get back to work! ** _ " She was trying to control her own heightened emotions as she walked over to the coffee bar to heat up some water for hot tea. Silently, she wiped at her eyes with her shirt cuff, then sniffled.

**~~ &&~~&&~~TBC...~~&&~~&&~~**   



	5. Chapter 5

Ted was seated on the couch, leaning back on the cushions with both arms over his head. "God... how humiliating, huh? Guess I can't rewind that moment."

Brian turned a free-standing chair around to sit facing Ted, then crossed a leg over a knee. "So...  _ who _ hurt you?" He rest his injured hand on his thigh.

Ted blinked quickly up at the ceiling. "My father... my biological one..." He waited for the outraged sounds but he almost forgot who he was talking to. Nothing ever seemed to phase Brian Kinney. "My mother was beside herself. Distraught."

Brian swiped at some imaginary lint on his slacks, keeping his head bowed as he let Ted simply talk out the last of his rage. "Who else?"

Ted sprouted his head upright so quickly he almost broke his neck. How the fuck did Brian do that?  _ Christ... _ "My step-dad. So, immediately  _** I ** _ was seen as the problem child." Ted pointed to himself then folded his fingers together over his stomach. "My mother held me at fault for all the 'bad' touching." That got Brian to look up and over at Ted, staring intensely. It was strange to see a certain kind of "anger" boiling under his features, as if Brian might be feeling the emotion for Ted. "No sex... but some self-pleasuring in front of me, trying to get me to touch myself.  They would caress me, enough to get me in a state of arousal." Ted closed his eyes and raised both eyebrows as he frowned. "Like that makes it less immoral and disgusting." 

"I bet it's one of the reasons your mother feels guilt over you being 'gay'." Brian didn't like this. He didn't like knowing that he could've been wrong about Schmidt all this time, writing him off as just another pathetic loser who needed to get out of his way. He didn't feel like wasting his pity on a man who may or may not feel anything for him, either. Hard to tell when the only reason they were in each others' lives was based off Michael. Brian thought it was enough to care about Michael, and no one else. Then came Honeycutt and Schmidt; he couldn't spend too much of his time on people who weren't going to be worth his time, if they didn't return the favor once and awhile. He didn't know how to explain how he felt or why he felt certain things about Justin. That just completely boggled his mind, which was why he needed to cut ties quickly and fast. 

Ted shook his head. "I know it's a cliche, but statistics actually show more straight men are pedophiles... molesters and rapists." He scratched at his scalp, rubbing a hand over his sweating forehead, then smoothing his palms down his trouser legs. 

Brian cleared his throat, switching to have his ankle shift to lay on the knee. His bound hand grabbed for his ankle. "What's been going on in your life to make that 'switch' come ON again?" He recalled some of the words Ted used to explain what was on his mind during his ranting outside in the public room of the offices. 

Ted stared dumbfounded, not really fathoming why Brian was asking and with that particular tone to his voice. Like he truly wanted to know. "You _ really _ wanna know? "  

"I'm asking." Brian lifted his chin up in a prideful manner. He wasn't a total tyrant or control freak. He  _ did _ care to an extent. He hated knowing he owed Ted a lot. He had been there during Brian's cancer scare, but Brian had cleared that slate earlier by giving Ted a substantial form of income. They were -  _ somewhat _ \- on an even level, but he couldn't help feeling Ted's role in his life was a bit more profound than simply handing out a job. Ted had kept his secret and taken him to appointments and let him be sick afterwards, still not spilling the beans to Michael. That was one thing Brian expected to have happen, surely not Justin being the one to let the cat out of the bag with Michael. "... as a 'friend'..." It pained him to say this, mainly because he knew Ted didn't think of him in any capacity but as an adversary to Michael and a constant thorn in his side, bane of his existence. Knowing what he knew now, Brian couldn't help the increase of guilt felt. 

Ted was quiet, his mind racing back to his second "lunch" with Justin and how incredible a moment it had been for both of them. A moment of pure connection and bonding, not just sex but true sharing of bodies and emotions, feelings. Even if Ted hadn't said much, simply using actions as his "words", Justin saying most of everything... he couldn't help feeling what he felt about  _ what _ was said. "He genuinely believes he loves me." Ted knew he wouldn't have to say the name. It was obvious who he was talking about. 

"Who? Justin?" 

Ted snorted a laugh, expecting Brian to follow suit, but when he glanced over at him there was a serious look of concern and concentration on the handsome features.  _ God Damn... _ did Kinney ever have a bad hair day or a spot of mustard on his tie or... a pimple on his perfect skin? Why, oh why did he always have to look so--? "What can we believe, from anybody, when we're fucking?" 

Brian shot back in his seat, his leg falling to the floor, feet planted solid.  _ Damn... _ Teddy sounded pretty cold-hearted there. The words sounded like something  _ he _ would've said. "That..." He shifted in the chair, one hand grabbing the edge of the chair to sit more upright, not slouching. "... is some kind of  _ fucking _ , Schmidt." 

"Excuse me?" Ted thought it a personal jab at his expertise in bed. He narrowed his eyes on Brian's face, but paid more attention to his body language, like there was a bit of fear in his manner. He had seen it out in the outer offices, when he exploded on Brian. Ted knew about Brian's past, his childhood. He had been privy to some pretty heated arguments between Brian and his parents, heard about some of them too. Initially, at the start of most fights, Brian had a reflective retort, where he looked like he wanted to take a step back and walk away or cower and protect himself. It wasn't until he knew where the other person arguing with him stood that Brian would actually begin to fight back. 

Brian hooked his good arm around the back rungs of the chair, leaning slightly in the seat. "All that time I was with Justin -  _ in bed, or out _ \- I never heard the words  ** 'I love you' ** ." Or at least he never paid attention to what Justin said, most of the time his face buried in a pillow to even see his mouth move, except for the noises and cries of passion as he plowed into him. Justin was a rather vocal bed partner, Brian typically covering his mouth to muffle the sounds. He could've muttered it against his palm...  _ jesus, _ it was like the last five years of his life had just been rewound and found rather--he  _ had _ been, kind of, a jackass. He could almost forgive Justin for stepping out on his own and finding some place else to rest his pretty blond head. 

Ted let the wide smile creep out before he covered it with his hand, rubbing over the lips. "Really?" He liked knowing that. He wondered if Brian would like to hear what else was different between them, from Justin's own estimations. 

"Scout's honor." Brian never even raised his fingers to do the "salute". He had never been a Boy Scout. 

Ted sat up, then scooted forward. His feet spread apart, he rested his elbows on his knees, threading his fingers together between his thighs. He kept his head bowed as he spoke. "Look... I'm not naive or a fool. I know our minds can play tricks on us. In the moment of sex, we're all a bit... naked and defenseless. We feel safe, contented... so we open up and we try to vocalize what we feel. Put emotions into words at time when we're most vulnerable with each other, as human beings. We  automatically assume it's 'love', but do we truly feel it?" He honestly looked at Brian, hoping for some kind of reciprocal look on his face. None came, of course, just some intent gazing with those unblinking hazel eyes. "Do any of us know what 'love' is? Especially when those who love us hurt us... or bring harm to us?" He watched Brian's throat move on a hard swallow, the dark honey-brown head needing to avert in another direction. Ted eyed the way Brian's fingers played nervously with his tie. 

"I don't know, Ted." Brian puffed out on a heavy sigh. "I've been trying to figure  _ that _ out for years." 

"Eh..." Ted snickered, one side of his mouth raising in humor. "... when you learn the truth, give me a heads up."

Hazel eyes went back to staring over at wide brown ones. " _ Do you _ ?" 

"Do I- _ what _ ?" Ted was still a bit stunned by Brian's cool and calm attitude. He thought for sure his balls would be sitting in front of him for fucking Brian's... uhm,  _ whatever _ Justin was to him.

"... l-o-v-e him?" Brian spoke slowly, as if Ted went a bit retarded.

"Justin?" Ted blanched at Brian's unwavering glare. He better answer... or else.  _ Fuck!  _ They had come this far. Why stop now and plug up the overflowing come-to-Jesus meeting? "I don't know  _ what _ I feel." He  _ did _ know, he simply didn't want to let Brian know too many more of his secrets. "I can't even 'love' myself... not even 'like' who I've become... who I am..." When he gazed at Brian, he never looked away.

Brian looked down to the floor, his features working as he thought aboutwhat to say and how to say it. His own relationship with Michael was changing, re-emerging as something more than what either of them expected, but what they had wanted for quite awhile now. "It _ does _ help when there's somebody beside you, who loves you... unconditionally, no matter what."

Ted could tell by the way Brian looked down, and away, going quiet and contemplative. " _... Michael... _ " He let out a long breath, nodding his head in understanding. "Since we're opening up here, can I ask--?"

"No."

_ Uh-oh... _ there went the "wall", back up in place.

Ted had to laugh. It was funny, and typical Brian. "That's what I thought." He sat back on the cushions, folding his hands over his lap to look down at his twiddling thumbs.

Brian sat forward, one hand fixing his jacket and trying to fix the tightness of his collar around his throat. "It's not in offense to you... or Emmett... the Girls or  Debbie." He wanted to include everyone who would care to know, if they were curious. "We just -  _ Michael and I  _ \- we need new ground for ourselves..." And for everyone to "butt out" and let them be, for once, without interference.

"Is Ben still there?" Ted swung his right leg over his left knee, hooking the tangle of his fingers over his right knee.

"Maybe." Brian shrugged his one good shoulder. "If I behave and don't step out of line."

Ted almost choked on his next breath.  _ What... in the world had happened?  _ " _ Wow _ ..." He was a bit startled by this mode of talking, like Brian was becoming a little obedient to Michael's wishes. "... you're gonna try to 'woo' him away from Ben?"

Brian couldn't keep the smirk from slipping out. "I may already have. My recent, uh... 'antics'..." He cradled his injured arm to his chest. "... didn't sit well with Bruckner."

Ted couldn't help noticing how Brian was speaking while holding his arm in a peculiar manner to his body. "Did you punch him? Is that why your hand is in that brace?" His chin jutted out to gesture to the arm.

"No..." Brian stated succinctly, his eyes fondly staring down at his hand, flexing the fingers a bit. "... I broke my hand to get out of the handcuffs."

"Wait! Wha--?!" Ted's right foot hit the floor and he sat upright in shock.

Brian decided now was the time to stand up and put the chair back where it belonged. "You can leave now, Schmidt."

"You're gonna drop a massive bombshell like  _ that _ and leave me hanging?"

"Unfortunately... yes." Brian walked around to head behind his desk.

Ted sighed heavily, pushing off the cushions to stand. "... and what about Justin?" He still hadn't heard one word about what Brian was willing to do to handle the situation now.

" _ That _ I can tell you about." Brian threw down the folders he had picked up. "I wanted to speak to him, let him down gently... easily...  _ whatever _ ..." He waved his braced hand in mid-air. "He'll need a place to stay, if you're interested and willing to take him in." His one reason for talking to Justin was to tell him he couldn't stay at the loft any longer. One of Michael's  _ requests _ of him, to earn his trust back, and to start their endeavor toward their new relationship.

Ted placed palms together, like in prayer, then motioned to Brian. "Thank you." Then he pocketed his hands. "This is for the best. I can't--" One hand came back out to adjust his tie. "I realize I'm not you, but I can give him what he needs." He bowed  his head in silent assessment. "For however long he--" Ted gave up sharing more information with Brian. He had already laid himself open wide enough to be ashamed, no sense in going further. "... I don't know."

Brian picked up his pen, tapping the tip on the desk surface. "You  _ are _ worth it, Ted... to some _ one _ ." He pointed in Ted's direction, barely visible. "Don't forget  _ that _ . I couldn't run my business without you." He cleared his throat, rubbing at his temple as if it made his head hurt, wishing he hadn't had to say the words out loud.

Ted nodded, but then smiled with some good-natured teasing. "Liar. But I know what you're saying." He twisted his body to face the door he would soon exit out of. "I feel equally as uncomfortable without you too."

"Leave early, if you want." Brian thought that was a nice "gift" for the kind of day Ted had.

Ted lowered his chin to his chest, feeling mildly touched. "Thanks, Brian." He was aware of how alert the rest of the office would be as he walked out. He took a deep breath before he pulled on the door handle, then stepped over the threshold to walk a straight bee-line for his own office.

He never looked up once or acknowledge anyones' waves or smiles of encouragement. 

Ted had stared that Big Bad Boss down and threatened him rather outspokenly and  _ still _ hadn't gotten fired. In their eyes, over the last few days and counting today, he was a  _ lone hero _ in every way imaginable... a "champion" for the thousands of unheard voices too afraid to speak out and speak the truth. He was human... and he was real, but he was theirs... and they were proud. 

And he never even knew... 

** ~&~&~&~ ** ****

When Ted got back, his small dining table had been set up with two place settings, dinner was on the stove and Justin was laying face down on the couch, a bit off-center as he sketched out on one of his tablets in three different colored pencils. Ted slammed the door shut and Justin twisted his head to smile over at him. 

"Hey..." Ted lifted his head in peaceful recognition, glad to be home and out of the real world and all its suffocating difficulties. He slid out of his coat to hang on the hook near the door. 

"Hiii..." Justin rose upright, rubbing his palms together as he set down his pencils on the section of cushion beside him. "Soooo... how  _ bad _ was it?" He had heard nothing but Ted's mutterings about how he would be confronting Brian and then how Ted may, or may not, get served his ass on a silver platter... or his testicles, whichever Brian grab for first. 

"Uhm, well..." Ted tucked his hands in his trousers pockets, holding back the open lapels of his suit jacket. "... he  _ knows _ , but he still wants to talk to you." He went to take out all the items in his pockets to set them down near the phone on the breakfast bar counter top.

" _** Why?! ** _ " Justin threw his hands up in exasperation, while pushing off the sofa to walk around the living room set to enter the kitchen and tend to the last few minutes of dinner. 

Ted splayed his arms along the ledge of the counter, heaving a sigh of frustration. "Because it's the decent thing to do." He thought it was rather honest of Brian to want to speak to Justin, face to face. But he did suppose he would be the same way in the throes of heartbreak. He slid out of his suit jacket, one shoulder roll at a time. 

" _** Reject me to my face!? ** _ " Justin was pulling down two plates and moving to a drawer to take out two sets of silverware. He was setting them in a pile on the counter. " _ Wow... what fun! _ " He shook his head in mild annoyance. He wasn't sure how he would feel seeing Brian in person, even though he knew it needed to happen. Anytime Justin tried to stand up for himself, he was made to feel like what he felt didn't matter, simply because he was young and didn't know any better. 

"It's a part of life.  _ It _ happens." Ted's voice became a bit tight and hard. "You are no more immune than I am." He touched his chest to show how difficult it had been for him to take Blake's rejection of him, not once, but twice and then a third time. Each time was more horrendous and embarrassing than the last. "You'll be fine. I'll walk you through it." Ted would've wished to have  hadsomeone by his side, cheering him on while his life slowly crumbled under him. He wondered how he would've coped, would he have never slipped into certain temptations in his life, if he had just talked things out, turned to one of his friends when he was in need? The idea of watching Justin crumble in the same manner did  _ not  _ sit well with him. 

"I'd rather just agree that we're over, and have that be it." Justin grabbed the stack of plates and utensils again, walking to the table to set everything down. "No more." He was being rather forceful with the placing of the ceramic dishes and the silverware, his emotions forefront at the moment. 

Ted rolled up his undone cuffs to his elbows, loosening his tie. He could see the dishes Justin had out to contain the food being prepared. He was willing to help, then carry everything to the table. "You're things are still at the loft." Not to mention all of Justin's clothes. "You'll have to see him  _ sometime _ ." He turned to see he was still talking to Justin's hunched back.  _ Oh, christ... _ this was one thing he didn't want to happen. For Justin to get overly emotional and break down. "It's better to get the awkward stuff over before it festers." 

"All right." Somehow being said from Ted's lips, it sounded like the best thing to do. If it was Justin alone, making decisions, he would probably refuse to see Brian and simply leave with his stuff. He let his shoulders sag as he turned to lean a hip against the table. "And he-- _ Brian _ \--did he seem...  _ okay _ ?" Ted still hadn't mention how Brian had reacted to the news. Justin watched as Ted turned to feel at his crotch and find that -  _** yes! ** _ \- his balls were still intact as was the rest of his body; he brushed a hand over his brow to exaggerate his relief, which made Justin loosen up and chuckle lightly. 

Ted snorted out a laugh as he carried over one of the covered dishes to set down in the middle of the table surface. There was already a small wooden bowl of a prepared salad, with matching wooden bowls. Ted had forgotten he had that set, buried somewhere in his cabinets. "As nonchalant as one like him could be." It had shocked him how easily Brian had taken the information. 

Justin moved over to grab the last dish to then take a seat at the table, next to Ted's right. He had made a pitcher of iced tea, two lemon slices on the rim, leaving out two clear glasses with ice cubes inside. "He didn't tell you anything more about Michael and him, did he?" He pulled his chair closer to the table. He took off the ring around the cloth napkin to place the material over his lap. 

"Nope." Ted was doling out the salad with the tongs in the two bowls, having to stand to do so. Then he looked over the selection of salad dressings Justin had taken out of his fridge. "I can't really care." He sighed as he sat back down. "I've got my own problems to deal with." He had watched Justin lay that cloth napkin over his thighs, thinking how "classy" that was and rather uncharacteristic of a typical young man his age. But then he had noticed a few times that there were moments he could detect the "old soul" inside of Justin's body, often warring with the strange invasion of youth. 

" _** Problems?! ** _ " Justin let one eyebrow raise in confusion, hoping he wasn't one of those "problems" he had to deal with. 

"Yeah..." Ted folded his arms on the surface of the table. "I, uhm..." He scratched absently at his head. "I've been thinking about going back to therapy." Clearly, his breakdown in front of the employees at Kinnetic had shown him he needed  _ something _ to curb the emotions and feelings churning inside. Maybe  _ that _ was his problem. Going from one relationship to another without the benefit of fixing what was broken within him, in order to make sure he was right to be with anyone else. Could explain why he kept making mistakes with men, or choosing the wrong ones who could've cared less about him. The more detached, and aloof, the men were to him, the more he seemed to want them, want them to want him... desperately, like an ache that could never be satiated. 

"Really?"  _ Jesus...  _ Justin hoped he hadn't spurned this decision on from what they had talked about in bed this afternoon. "Is that part of the recovery process?" He thought Ted would've had that part over with by now. It made him feel sad that Ted had let it go for some reason, or for some _ one _ . 

"It's supposed to be, but I backed out when Blake and I got together again." Ted swished his head from side-to-side, not proud of what he had done to himself. Probably why he and Blake hadn't lasted this time around, most likely for the last time. "I had conflicting counselor minds." He tapped the side of his temple. 

"Oh, that's right. He's a drug counselor now, huh?" Justin had never paid much attention to Blake with Ted, which he regretted. He was almost seeing a potential for Blake to return, sometime later and for Ted to be as gullible as the last three times. It had stunned him only because of how he knew they had started, Blake having nearly "killed" Ted. He shuddered inwardly, not imagining the man beside him  _ not _ full of life and present in his world. 

"I don't know what he's doing now- _ now _ . It's been four months." 

"Tell me about it." Justin's tone sounded a bit bothered by the notion of the mere mention of Blake's name. 

"What?" Ted had to put down his fork in order to look across at Justin as he wiped at his mouth. "Was that a jab at my  _ fucking  _ techniques?" He didn't hear any complaining during their time in bed. 

Justin smiled with some shame, not meaning to talk about their sex life at the table during dinner. They were alone and it was important to mention. "You  _ do _ fuck with an intensity." He reached out to place a hand over Ted's wrist, rubbing over the dark hairs up the forearm. " _ My _ kind of intensity." He smirked out of one side of his mouth. "Like a, uh..." Justin brought his hand back to his body, biting at his thumbnail. 

" _... desperation... _ " Ted filled in the missing word, having been told that plenty of times. Although usually it was made to make him feel inadequate or quite pathetic, which seemed to make it easier for the men to leave and/or reject him. 

"Sort of." Justin took a sip of his iced tea, swallowing. He picked up his fork to swish the salad around his bowl, before eating. He stared down as he spoke to Ted. "You don't want me to leave." 

"Yeah..." Ted sighed in some easement. He almost wanted to apologize for the uncomfortableness he may have placed Justin in the center of. "... that would be kind of  _ desperate _ ." 

"It's nice, though." Justin tilted his head in peculiarity. "For years, I've been fucking with the fear I'll be  _ asked _ to leave." He turned to look at Ted with a small smile on his lips. 

Ted shared the smile, then cleared his throat, feeling like he may look odd defending Brian. Justin was working off a place of anger right now, and that was never a good thing. "He's a good man, Justin. His priorities are askewed." It was a nicer way of telling Justin that Brian didn't truly care about him like he had wanted him to. 

Justin nearly choked on his food. He took a quick gulp of his drink. "Did you two suddenly become best friends?" 

"No." Ted chuckled deeply, shaking his head emphatically. "That's still only Michael's area of expertise." He didn't want Justin to get the wrong idea of where his anger had come from with Brian. "I think one of the reasons I do, kind of, feel dislike, and jealousy, is because I _ do _ understand him. We..." Ted motioned between a distant image of Brian to himself. "... might not have much in common, but our upbringings were almost similar." 

"Oh...  _ wow... _ " Justin knew some things, but not everything to do with Brian's past and childhood. "... really?" 

"Not  _ that _ similar." Ted wiped at his mouth, wondering what exactly Justin had been told. Probably only surface things to shut him up, to get him to stop asking questions. Brian did have a tendency to get impatient when people nosed around in his personal life. Just because he fucked Justin didn't place him above those he entrusted with his privacy. "I was never beaten, but I was abused." Ted stopped at that added, extra word that tended to turn off everyone. 

Justin could barely swallow his next bite of salad. "...  _ no, Ted _ ..." He shook his head slowly to decline the need for Ted to reveal too much. "...  _ don't _ ..." He wasn't expecting an instant revelation, or to watch Ted go through such a traumatic moment all over again. He had seen what it had done to just let out some of the little pieces of information this afternoon. 

"But I do, honey." Ted leaned over to soothe a hand over Justin's thigh. "I wouldn't be alive for thirty-seven years without it having molded me into... well,  _ me _ ." 

"You don't have to go into detail." While Justin was touched by Ted's sentiment, he really didn't care about knowing everything right now. Not while things were so good, at a steady pace, heading in a direction he never expected. "What I know is enough."

"Will it be?" Ted lifted one dark eyebrow in curiosity. "The real me? The one you professed to love a few hours ago, this afternoon." He watched Justin bow his head in somewhat shame. "Who is  _ he _ ?" He really wanted to ask someone that question and get a true, honest answer. "Why  _ do _ you love  _ him _ ?" 

Justin didn't have an easy answer. He would have to think about it a little longer, but he knew a good one was there, maybe several to choose from. "Ted..." 

"Tell me." Ted took a drink of his own iced tea, then put aside his empty salad bowl to starting going for the main meal. "I  _ really _ want to know." Justin was finishing the last of his salad. Ted took the half-empty bowl to stack it with his. "If you really want to do  _** this ** _ with me..." Ted waved his hand between their chests. "... you've got to know all of me. Even the darker, scarier parts." 

"That's not why I--" Justin had to admit  _ those _ parts on Brian were what had attracted him. But on Ted, they seemed wrong and out of place, near heartbreaking. "Okay... maybe I was too quick to say 'love' too soon." He had never said the words to Brian in bed. That was something to be celebrated. "It's a habit I need to break." 

"Why?" Ted tilted his head in perplexity and some confusion. "Just 'cuz I was curious and asking? If you don't know why, right now, then why did you say--?"

"... because..." 

Ted nodded his head. It was exactly what he and Brian had talked about. "... 'because' it was something to say in the heat of the moment." 

Justin was becoming a little frightened, because this was usually where Brian got increasingly frustrated with him and left the room, leaving the meal cold. "I felt...  _ some _ thing." 

"Well... I  _ was _ fucking you." Ted's eyebrows wiggled in a teasing, humorous manner, which Justin wasn't expecting as he let out a rather loud spurt of laughter. Ted joined in with a broad grin. 

" _** Stop! ** _ " Justin playfully kicked at Ted, under the table, with his bare foot. He left the foot nearby, resting on top of Ted's loafer, brushing lightly against the cotton sock and warm ankle. "You're being mean." 

Ted sat back in his chair, arms folded over his chest. "Justin, even __ _** I ** _ don't know when to use the word appropriately. How the hell am I gonna tell you any different?" 

Justin sat back in his own seat, as well, his fork playing over the food on his plate. "This is  _ nice _ ." He meant the simple words. But he had always had an ease and strange companionship with Ted. It was good to know that sex didn't change who they were to one another. It didn't make Ted feel superior over him and he never thought he wasn't guilty of failing, doing the same stupid mistakes. "You're the  _ one _ person who would appreciate my cooking." He had found that out a few years ago, and had sometimes wished he could be invited over to Ted's place to cook for him. Over this past week, he had made dinner for Ted almost every night. It felt comfortable and right, like he was contributing to the daily living routine and not just taking up space in Ted's home. He could count the numerous times he always felt welcome, never like he was in the way. So much different than with Brian at the loft, where Justin worried the one day he would show up and the locks would be changed and his shit would be stuffed into boxes, left outside the huge metal door. 

"I doubt that, but...  _ okay _ ." Ted was one person who could certainly appreciate a great meal, but more than anything he never let anyone go by without knowing what they contributed was worthy of praise and support. 

Justin saw the bow of Ted's head, concentrating on his food and possibly drifting away into his mind. "Ted...  _ teddy _ ..." He brought up his hand to place over Ted's on the table. "... don't be mad or upset... please..." 

"I'm not." Ted took his free hand to cover Justin's and squeeze in reassurance. "It's just been a very odd, and long, day for me." 

"Well... we'll finish up dinner. Do the dishes and clean up the mess I made, put the leftovers away... and keep up the conversation and witty banter, then the rest of the night is up for grabs." 

Ted rolled over his wrist to glance at his watch. It was nearing seven in the evening. "Em might be ready to go out." 

"... then _ we'll _ go." Justin felt the ping to his gut to be pairing himself with Ted. He had been a "we" before, but this was the first time it ever gave him a good, happy feeling.

"Eh, I don't know..." Ted pushed around the vegetables on his plate. "... watching you prance around with other men." He didn't know if he could take watching Justin tonight at Woody's or Babylon after the day he had. 

 "... but I'll always come back to you..." 

"You could also slip down to the backroom, without my knowledge." Ted had that happen before with a so-called "boyfriend". 

"What if I'd rather be here, with you?" Justin spoke out without lifting up his head or looking over at Ted. 

Ted snorted, shaking his head at the utter bewilderment he was put under. "I'd say you'd need your head examined." 

Justin snickered softly, finally looking over at Ted's profile. There was something so true about that comment. He wished he could tell Ted about his own "problems" that seemed to be arising. "Is there  _ anything _ I can do to make this easier for you?" He felt so deeply that he was willing to do anything to make this work between them. 

"Huh?" Ted had been in his head, contemplating a few things on his own. He wasn't used to someone caring too much or really willing to be invested in his welfare and sanity. 

Justin wanted to say it again, because glancing into those wary brown eyes made him want to scream to the high heavens how he felt. He understood the fears, though, which was why he toned down his emotions. " _** I  ** _ _ care _ , Ted... I  _ really _ do." 

"I know." Ted became quiet and introspective, because he could sense the feelings Justin was having, like he could when they had been fucking. It was a heady rush to actually be able to control someone's emotions, have them bend to your will. He just didn't know if he was willing to suffer the consequences when things went bad or Justin found himself growing tired of him, wanting to end... _ this _ , between them. "I'm sorry I was so rash before." 

"Hey..." Justin gave out a self-deprecating laugh. "... I'm used to it. I got tough skin and an even harder head." He literally "knocked" on the side of his head, getting Ted to smile from the side of his mouth in a bit of a smirk.

The adorable look of bashfulness that crossed over Ted's face again made Justin's heart squeeze tightly. 

** ~&~&~&~ **

They were seated on the couch, watching television. Ted had satellite hook-up, so he had plenty of channels to choose from. He surfed a bit, until he found something on the History Channel that interested him. 

"Do you mind?" Ted motioned with the remote toward the screen as he glanced at Justin from the side of his right eye. 

"Nah..." Justin shook his head, curling into himself in the fetal position he had been laying in for almost an hour now. "I was gonna go finish my school project, but..." He blinked slowly, yawning. "... I'm almost ready to fall asleep." He was tucked in the corner of the couch, to Ted's right, laying on his right side facing out, his arm resting under his head. 

Ted brought down the blanket that was over the back of the sofa. Justin had bent his legs, keeping the bare feet from touching the side of Ted's thighs. Ted was attempting to innocently take a foot, but he was rudely kicked away. 

" _** What?! Ow-ch!! ** _ " Ted chuckled, savoring his hand for a few seconds of stinging. "I thought you'd be more comfortable if you stretched out your legs." He gestured over to the lone chair. "I could go sit over there." He twisted his head around to the left of him. "Or sit on the very end here, on the cushions." 

"No... no..." Justin sighed, feeling bad for being so cruel. "It's fine where you are. I thought you'd tickle me, that's all." He didn't know if he wanted to admit how sensitive he was to tickling, even the merest of threats. 

Ted almost let his jaw drop, staring at Justin as he twisted a bit toward him. "Do I  _ look _ like a 'tickle' person?" 

"No..." Justin went to shove Ted with his foot, but when he saw Ted going to grab for his feet he pulled back. " _** Yes!! ** _ Uh, no... yeah--maybe." He was almost about to giggle, which was his first reaction to tickling. Justin tentatively brought his feet back out, which Ted took both and draped them over his thighs. As he rubbed up and down the ankles and calves, Justin would shift, adjusting to lay on his back, not realizing he was moving over Ted's crotch area. Placing his hands on his chest, Justin stared at the TV, then back at Ted to see the dark lashes blinking slowly, mouth parting in pleasure, sometimes biting to quell noises. Justin moved his feet to pull his legs backward to sit, then discovered what he had been doing. Justin was quick to hop on his knees, sitting beside Ted. 

Ted leaned back, allowing Justin to untuck his shirt, open his trousers. As Justin shuffled to the floor to get to his knees, standing upright, Ted lifted his bottom so the material of trousers and boxers could be slid down to his knees. Justin hefted himself onto the coffee table, sitting across from Ted as he stretched his legs so his feet were placed in the groin area, the soles brushing the erection building, little toes tangling in the pubic hair. Ted arced back, thrusting out, hips jutting toward the motions of the feet. It was like a synchronized movement, both of them dipping hands below to touch themselves. Ted came first, then Justin stood to lower his slacks and underwear to sit back down and jerk himself off to orgasm. He quietly came, making tiny agonized sounds and breathing deeply. 

Ted sat forward to fully remove his clothes from the lower half of his body. As Justin shed his own clothing, he went to sit astride Ted's lap, pulling at the shirt collar, undoing tiny buttons all the way down to slowly spread open the lapels and show the t-shirt underneath. Ted raised his arms so Justin could pull at the bottom hem, at the sides of the t-shirt, to lift the material off his torso. Justin bent to press a lingering kiss on each shoulder, letting out a soft cry as Ted had strength enough to send him bouncing on his back to the cushions, looking as if he would fuck him right here as Justin's legs spread wider. Justin's throat caught, back arching off the sofa to situate himself comfortably. But what Ted did was move to open the drawer under the coffee table to bring out the lube and see if he had stored the condoms on  _ this _ side. There were hidden drawers all around the table; some held books and magazines, but they were sex-related. 

Ted brought out a collection of dildos instead, knowing Justin would suffice with this choice, for now. There was always time, during the rest of the night for sex. Justin flipped over onto his stomach as Ted slid down further on the cushions. 

"I want  _ it _ . I'm ready for  _ it _ ." Justin had been thinking about that massive dildo Ted was fond of. He thought he had prepared himself enough to earn the right to use it. 

This time, Ted was on his knees on the floor, his hand moving up the back of Justin's legs to caress over his back and down the sides. He leaned over to press kisses in as many places as he could, following his hands. One hand slid down the lower back, the middle finger slipping down the crack. Justin cried out, muffled into the pillow, thrusting out and opening his thighs. A fingertip played over the puckered hole, then almost inserted inside. The fake move caused Justin to pant and grab onto the plushness under his head, biting down hard. 

Ted got up, lifting Justin's left leg, so he could sit down. That leg was placed over his thighs, Ted was now able to reach the bare ass cheeks. The tight entrance opened and closed in anticipation, Justin was working his inner muscles. Ted slicked up his fingers, spreading the lubrication over the anus before he penetrated with just his index finger. He slid his body against the highly sensitive skin to hover over Justin's, moving his finger in and out as he brushed back the sweaty blond hair, bending to whisper close to an ear. " _** Whom ** _ do you belong to?" The fingers in the blond strands were starting to pull tighter, yanking the head backward. 

" _... ugh, fuuuuck... _ _ no one _ ..." 

"Good.  _ Remember that _ ." Ted kissed down the exposed cheek to the neck, nipping and licking. "Don't forget." His fingers stopped holding so tightly, this time just ruffling the locks playfully. He sent his left arm to tuck under Justin's collarbone and upper chest, pulling him to his chest in a slight hug. 

Justin held onto Ted's forearm as he canted back onto the hand, the fingers increased to two and sped up. "... _ yesss, yesss _ ... more... please..." Once the fullness was at three and then four, Ted pulled out, watching Justin's legs quiver and his ample ass shake. It was tempting to forego the dildo and just fuck him, but there was something infinitely more pleasurable to fulfill Justin's deepest desire to have him bend to his will. Well, it was already working in his favor at this point. 

There was going to be a mild explosion happening under Ted soon... and he couldn't wait. While he let Justin wonder in frantic anticipation, he broke apart from Justin's body to open the drawer again. He put the collection of dildos back, then brought out the one in question. It had taken Ted an entire week to fully stretch himself over the rubber cock. He couldn't help but want Justin's moment to be more comfortable, less frightening and painful then his had been. 

Ted reached back to bring over some extra pillows, so he could place them under Justin's hips, raise him up from the cushions. He didn't forget to keep caressing over Justin's skin, every so often fondling the testicles and reaching under to gently stroke the dangling erection. He had never had someone lay their complete trust in his hands; it was daunting, surely, but rather invigorating. Justin was receptive to whatever he wanted to do, which was a refreshing change in a lover. Someone who didn't know what gave them total pleasure, so they were willing to do  _ anything _ to seek it. Ted watched Justin lower himself down on the pillows then bring his legs up to rest on his knees, push out his backside. 

The cheeks spread of their own will,  _ want _ ... the entrance widening with each flex of muscles. Ted took the tube of lubrication and squeezed it out over the split, letting the cool liquid cake the crack to pool at the anus. He heard the breath being sucked in, then caught the cute way the eyes closed tight, bottom lip being bitten... and the dildo hadn't even been introduced yet.  _ Jesus... _ Ted smirked, Justin was as bad as he was concerning sex and fucking, the mere idea setting them off into outer space. He brought up his hand, using the top to rub the lube up and down the crack, eying the way Justin pushed back onto his hand. Ted cupped both cheeks, bending low to press a kiss at the upper curves, rubbing both thumbs down the split, to push into the rectum...  _ oh, yeah... _ Justin was more than ready... 

Ted picked up the "monster", coating the length with lube and went to kneel behind Justin. He leaned to his right, against the sofa cushions, so he could balance himself. He wasn't sure he would last throughout this moment. Ted could already sense the orgasm building within, ready to pour forth once he jacked off quick enough. That didn't seem fair to Justin to do while he was suffering his own mild torture. Swallow nervously, he soothed the rubber over the crack and anus, making Justin grow a bit comfortable with the coolness of the strange object before insertion. Ted promised himself once he saw any trace of pain or discomfort, any sign of blood seepage, he would stop. He placed the bulbous head at the opening, then slowly inserted. He reached a point where he stopped, feeling the "barrier" on his own, Ted knew what he should do next. Once he knew Justin was fine, which he was, he began to stretch his own body over Justin's, aligning his own groin with the flat surface of the dildo. Ted's own thrusts would control the moment and he could hold Justin like he wanted. 

As Justin felt the arm come under and around him, he sucked in a breath, only because he hadn't expected to be surrounded by Ted's warmth, as if it was his own cock penetrating him. 

"Open..." Ted commanded into Justin's left ear. 

" _... unghh... _ how..." Justin's voice cracked at the end word. 

"... push out... don't clench..." Ted knew what Justin was doing, the same as this afternoon when they had fucked. That was also a reason for Ted choosing to lay prone over Justin, and embracing him close to his chest. 

The minute Justin relaxed the tension, the ridged dildo went in further on its own. 

Ted didn't even have to push, with very little pressure. He buried his face in the blond hair at the back of the head. " _... oh... god... _ " 

" _... oh, my gawd... yesss, yessssss... _ " Justin was ready for the thrusting to begin, canting back against Ted's body. 

Ted knew he was leaking pre-cum, most likely, but he didn't care. As he pushed against the bottom of the dildo, it disappeared into the rectum, an inch of the cock and the nutsack left. He was scared to keep thrusting, but Justin was pushing out the rubber. What else was he to do when Justin made little noises for more? He continued to push himself against the dildo as Justin's body expelled the rubber. Just like everything else with them, there became a rhythm, an even pacing. 

Justin turned over, laying on his back, within Ted's arms. The bottom of the dildo now rested on the crease of one of the sofa cushions, allowing for Justin to use it for leverage as he fucked himself, with Ted above him. Justin grabbed for one of Ted's hips, gesturing for him to come farther up his body. Tucking the pillow behind his back, Justin was sitting up slightly in order to take Ted's length into his mouth, sucking and licking at the building erection. He lowered his hands to the outer thighs, reaching around to slide between Ted's own ass cheeks. Justin's hands gripped tight as he felt each tiny thrust into the heat of his mouth.

Ted ejaculated on a loud cry, trying not to slip off the sofa. His hands reached out to hold onto Justin as he unloaded everything inside of him, for the moment. He knew there would be more, later on. He shuffled his legs back down to lay over Justin, between his spread thighs, lowering for an open mouth kiss. Tongues met, and warred... Justin gasped as he felt his climax peaking. Ted sent a hand down, between their bodies, to jerk on the leaking cock until Justin let out a series of orgasms under him. On his last jolt, Justin expelled the dildo, letting it fall out of his body and lay awkwardly on the sofa. 

Justin tightened his legs around Ted's waist and hips, hooking his ankles around the backs of the knees. They kissed and simulated fucking one another by keeping their cocks between their bodies as they simply jutted in synchronization. They came together, quietly, holding tightly onto one another as they flipped onto their sides, Ted's back against the cushions. He lay higher than Justin, letting him cocoon himself into his chest and enveloping arms. They were both spent, weakened and never wanting to let go. They heavily breathed, their abdomens bumping in tandem, their skin sweaty and sticky from each other's semen. After awhile, their eyes closed in near sleep... mindlessly caressing each other into slumber.. .  

They slept for most of the evening on the sofa, waking up with some hunger pains and thirst. They got up to walk naked into the kitchen to forage food and drinks, then wandered into the bedroom. The planned to have a pseudo-picnic on the sheets... every once and awhile, feeding each other. 

Justin was stretched out, the wrong way, on the mattress, laying on his back, head on a pillow he had brought down. He couldn't stop smiling from what Ted had told him earlier. "I still can't believe you stood up to Brian like that, and in front of all his employees." 

"Yeah, well..." Ted was using a pillow as his "table", munching on fruit - a pear and some grapes. "... it's not as gloriously awesome as it sounds." He didn't go too deeply into the talk he and Brian had in the office. Especially not where Brian seemed to be coldly tossing Justin rudely into Ted's hands. Interesting thing being, Ted wasn't upset by the prospect of such a heavy responsibility. It took his mind off how crappy his life ordinarily was... and it was keeping him from being so god-damn lonely. 

"You don't mind?" Justin scrunched his face up, thinking Ted was shouldering a lot of responsibility with taking him into his home. 

"Mind  _ what _ ?" Ted spoke with food in the side of his cheek. He really didn't understand what everyone thought was such a big deal. A pet would be more of a hassle than Justin was. 

"Me staying here until I find my  _ own _ place?" Justin tapped one foot against the head board, popping grapes onto his mouth. 

"Wha--?"  _ Well... that was dandy. _ A few days with Ted and Justin was ready to conquer the world, independently.  _ What? The Fuck? _ He couldn't even fathom Justin being a nuisance, like Brian always made him appear to be like. "You're actually going to look for an apartment of your own?" 

Justin cleared his throat, popping a few more grapes into his mouth. "I belong to no one, but myself. Like you said." 

_ Christ... _ great moment for Justin to start paying attention. "I know that's what I  _ said _ ..." Ted scooted backward, resting with the pillow behind his back, lengthwise. "... but how will you--" He crossed his ankles and shook his feet, alternately. 

"Duhhh... my art work." Justin rose on one elbow, turning to his side as he wiped at his hands of the grape stems back into the plastic container. He brought his foot up to rest against Ted's leg. "I think it's about time I see about selling my canvases." He was piling crackers and cheese with cut meats onto a paper plate. 

Ted grabbed for the water bottle to toss over to Justin, keeping one for himself. "But..."  _ Damn... _ he hadn't even had a chance to really take care of Justin before he was ready to venture out on his own. That should be a "good thing", because it was a mature decision to make in order to grow up, but...  _ still...  _ _** c'mon ** _ _... _

Justin thought it was cute how Ted was ten seconds from pouting about him possibly leaving. It made his heart lurch with excitement. Ted hadn't come out to say he could stay here, it simply worked out that way. And Justin didn't take up too much space, not even in this small, cramped condo. "I can't be a twenty-something, starving artist forever. One day... I'll be thirty, and no longer  _ hungry _ ..." He wiggled his eyebrows, hoping to see Ted smile once during this conversation. 

" _** Gah! ** _ " Ted rubbed both hands over his eyes. "Thirty...  _** shit! ** _ I know it's been seven years for me, and  _ oh-so-long ago _ ..." He folded his arms over his middle, looking up at the ceiling. "Let's see... I'll be, at least, nearing fifty." He made an "cranky old guy" face, muttering something about  _** "damn kids" ** _ and  _** "when I was younger, we-" ** _ ... which sent Justin into giggles, rolling around. Then Ted slapped a hand to his face in mock shock. " _** Yikes! ** _ I'm, like... the creepy old gay guy everyone talks about." 

"Haven't you always been?" Justin teased as he kicked out gently with his foot. He quickly used the pillow he had been resting on to block the smaller ones being thrown at him, for being a smart-ass. " _... sorry, sorry... sorry.. _ ." He was snickering while apologizing. "... you left yourself wide open there." It was easy to poke fun at Ted, but it never felt  _ that _ good or hilarious. Until Ted joined in on the hilarity by playing along like he was now. 

Ted was spry, suddenly hovering over Justin laying on his back. " _ Hmm... wow... _ " He held his left hand in mid-air, turning it around as if its structure fascinated him. 

"What?" Justin wasn't paying too close attention to Ted's other hand, the one that relentlessly started tickling him up the rib cage. " _... accghhh!... _ no, no... don'... please, no!..." He was trying to flip over and claw his way off the bed from Ted's cruel antics. He was stuck between laughing, near-sobbing and fear that he would melt into another orgasmic puddle under being touched like he was. That was the other thing about being tickled; it gave Justin a bit of a warm feeling inside his belly. Justin didn't know where  _ that _ reaction culminated from, but that's the way it was with him. 

Ted was curled behind Justin, keeping his arms locked about the slim body, holding on with a simple embrace. "... please..." He niched his chin into Justin's shoulder, turning to look down at his flushed face.  _ Aww... poor thing. _ "... give yourself some time. Don't--don't rush into anything. A place of your own is a  _ huge _ responsibility." He cleared his throat, not wanting to sound all paternal or nothing. "If you're already in debt, then it'll just fuck with your credit." 

"Oooo...  _ add some numbers, teddy _ ..." Justin groaned on the close of his lids as he sent a hand down between his thighs, as if to jack off. " _ Accounting _ really makes me horny." He licked the circumference of his lips, rolling his eyes as if in orgasm. 

They mutually chuckled, arms wrapping tighter about one another as they settled into an odd cuddle, way-off center of the bed and laying in the wrong direction. 

"I'm serious. You can stay here as long as you need. I _ like _ the company." Ted moved to kiss along the back, resting his cheek on a shoulder blade, rubbing a hand down the bare biceps. "... I hate--I don't enjoy the quiet." His lips brushed over the nape and lower neck into the hairline. He felt Justin shiver, as if chilled. "... or the dark, much." That was when they would come seek him out... his  _ fathers _ ... which had led to leaving, at least, one lone lamp on or the TV illuminating the room. 

Justin reached back to caress over Ted's face and jawline. "Me, either." His dislike was for a whole other reason. It was simply because that's when his parents would rage and fight one another. The minute the kids were in bed, they would be at one anothers' throats. Fighting with each other as if they were both in the right, voices getting louder, echoing up the stairs. "I like to have, at least, one light on...  _ somewhere _ ." He did that for Molly, when she came running into his room and curled up with him under the covers. _ Sheesh _ ... where had  _ that _ memory come from? It had taken a lot out of him to even forget it all. 

"See how your paintings do, then invest. I'll help you work out your finances." 

"PIFA will be much harder to deal with. Tuition will be going up soon, and all." 

"Look for a scholarship or another, uhm... generous sponsor." What the hell did one call what Brian had done? "I'd help in that manner, but I can only be a credible reference. My finances aren't at an upper-class level." 

Justin rolled over within Ted's arms, looking up at him with half-lidded blue eyes. "My mom did say there was a savings account, for me, she and Dad had started when they had me." He rubbed at the side of his face, tiredly. 

"Well, that's a good start, right there." Ted bent to kiss the shoulder, soothing his nose across the collarbone .  

Justin reached up to cup Ted's shoulder to hold him back. "It might mean I have to talk to my Dad, as well." He didn't know how to explain where the relationship with Craig Taylor was at. His father wishing Justin was dead and Justin wishing he didn't have such a prick for a father was pretty close to exactly where they were, for the moment. 

Ted brushed the backs of his fingers over Justin's cheek. So much life and youth... the beauty alone always took his breath away. "I'll go with you, if you have to see him." Funny, how he could deal with other's fathers, but  _ not _ his own. Either one of them. Both of them alive and well, as far as Ted knew, or his mother would allow him to know. 

"You  _ would _ ?" One dark blond eyebrow rose, arms reaching up to grab the torso above him. He stretched one leg out to pull Ted in, over him fully. "... thank you..." He soothed over the nape and up the dark locks. "... that's so sweet of you." Justin leaned upward to brush lips over skin, then kissed the corner of the mouth. 

"Are you sore?" Ted asked in pure curiosity. 

"A little. It's barely there anymore." Justin could feel his ass clench in anticipation of more, of finally feeling Ted move inside of him again. It's what he wanted in the first place, but was still afraid to ask, or request, not wanting to be too demanding. 

"We don't  _ have _ to." 

"...  _ mmm _ , but  _** I ** _ want to..." Justin didn't think he had to say how badly he wanted Ted, it was fairly clear. 

They managed to clear off the mattress and prepare themselves separately before they came back together in the same position, laying the right way. They kissed slow, with eyes wide open... nudging faces, sliding cheeks together. As Justin held onto his bent legs, rasing his backside... Ted was able to insert himself in without a misstep. They kissed again, passionately and a bit rougher, savoring each other to silently convey they  _ both _ were still present in their bodies, although things might get a little violent and raunchy. 

** ~&~&~&~TBC..~&~&~&~ **


	6. Chapter 6

When Ted's digital alarm clock went off the next morning, the Snooze button was hit as the bodies stretched and entangled... 

" _... mmm, jus' 5 more minutes... _ " 

...  ** five ** became  ** ten ** ...

" _... jus' 10 minutes more... _ " 

As they curled about one another, they were trying not to laugh, started kissing... then Justin grabbed for the hidden lube under the pillows and a condom as he got to his knees to sit astride Ted's hips. The alarm went off, both of them moving to reach for the button but managing to wipe out everything that had been on the night stand, including the annoying, buzzing alarm clock... now on the floor and fully out of range. 

They weren't really talking, just going through typical motions of their mornings... and it was easy to tune out the alarm once they had become highly aroused for one another. 

Justin bounced up and down on Ted's cock, leaning back on his hands when he felt the intense orgasm hit. Ted had cum already, having shot into the latex, deep inside the hot rectum. Justin still continued to move, as did Ted, both reveling in the feel and sensations of the other. 

Justin moved upright, reaching down to caress Ted's chest and sides. Then it happened... he spasmed, as if in sheer joyous pleasure, his inner muscles clenching Ted's length hard... then Justin was slumping over, laying limply on the burly chest as if to curl into the warm body for comfort and cuddling. 

The strangest thing was that Ted didn't realize Justin had genuinely fainted on him, going completely "black" for a minute or two, before he regained consciousness. The second Justin had come out of his trance, not telling Ted what occurred, he simply secured his arms tighter about him... scared of what might be chasing after him for the future. Justin hated to think of the worst case scenario. 

Justin knew these "episodes"... was extremely familiar with the blacking out and not remembering a few catches of time in his daily routine. 

Justin kissed Ted's neck, burying his face in the dip of shoulder. "Don' go. Call in sick." He just couldn't stand Ted leaving him and  _ something _ happening. The not-knowing scaring him more than anything. 

"I wish I could, honey..." Ted soothed over Justin's back, up and down the curve of the spine. He really wished he could, but he had to tip-toe carefully around Brian until he knew things were better or back to some sort of awkward contentment between them. "... but I can't. Brian would, literally, have my balls." He nuzzled his face into the side of Justin's, inhaling his natural scent. "You can join me in my shower... have breakfast with me, walk me to my car." His hand rubbed over the backside soothingly. "You really need to go back to your classes. I won't have you failing  _ because _ of me." 

"Just a few more seconds here... please..." Justin huddled into Ted's arms, mumbling the words against his skin. 

"Oh-kay..." Ted shuffled them upward, his back against the headboard as he cradled Justin close to his chest. "... you all right?" He couldn't help feeling that  _ something _ had happened, but  _** what? ** _ ... he didn't know. 

"... fine... I'm fine." Justin locked his arms about Ted's neck and hid his face, willing tears not to surface, and emotions not to choke his throat. He might end up confessing everything about what was going on with him otherwise.

Three whole months with out one "episode". What had triggered them  _ this _ time?

Justin thought he wouldn't have to worry about his head injury anymore. His yearly neurologist appointment had put him in the clear. Justin held onto Ted a little bit stronger as his mind wandered, thinking back, and trying to pinpoint exactly what could be wrong with him... hopefully before he had another attack... 

** ~&~&~&~ ** ****

Though Brian knew -  _ and possibly Michael _ \- they didn't want to make anything public to an extent where people automatically assumed they were a couple. Meals at Liberty Diner meant sitting apart, but they could still touch one another under the table, with their feet. 

There was one time, Michael made a quick pitstop to pick up take-out and he sat in the booth with everyone to ask how they were doing. As Emmett rattled on, Ted and Justin were so stiff and still on their side, attempting not to turn and look at one another... or barely touch. It was even more arousing for them to force themselves to avoid each other. 

Ted offered Justin a lift back to campus. Justin accepted a little too readily, too eager. In the PIFA parking lot, they "took care" of one another in under ten minutes. Justin wasn't even late to his next class. 

Woody's and Babylon were both easy and hard. Justin turned down every guy that tried to make an advance on him, but the moments simply looked as if he was rejecting them because he was still in love with Brian, feeling heartbreak and loss. Ted did get to dance with Justin, but he wasn't a true "club kid" like Emmett and Justin could be. Normally, Michael would've been keeping Ted company, but not now that Brian and Michael were working things out. The Dynamic Duo was back to being completely focused on one another. 

Ted didn't mind watching Justin from afar as long as he was by himself or with Emmett. Even on an innocent exchange of words with Brian, while he held Michael, incensed Ted into anger. Justin kept insisting on inviting Ted down to the backroom on the sly, but Ted still wasn't confident that he would be enough. And he really wanted to avoid any comparisons between him and Brian Kinney, as much as possible. 

Ted would offer rides home to everybody, Justin included. He was usually the sober one, since he was still in recovery. Justin would, naturally, be the only one left to take up Ted's offer. An inebriated Justin was a helluva lot different than a horny, aroused one... and not quite as appealing. Ted would allow the kisses and fondling but would draw the line at sex. Occasionally, Justin would take poppers or "E", probably from Emmett or someone Brian had trusted. Then Ted  _ definitely _ didn't want sex. It wasn't ever erotic for him to take advantage of a weakened partner, no matter how willing the partner was. 

Back at the condo, Ted would get the water, undress Justin down to his briefs and cover the naked body with a blanket. Justin would sleep on the couch until he sobered. It wasn't often that Ted went directly to bed. He would stay up, watching Justin to make certain he was all right. Ted would go to bed once he knew Justin was calmed, deeply asleep. He would wake up with a warm body laying next to him. Sometimes the arms were around him, other times the body simply huddled close to contain heat. 

The days they didn't go out and stayed in, they thought they had developed a routine of sorts. Until the day Ted walked through the front door, having had a not-so-great day at work. All he seemed to want was Justin, naked and ready for him. They didn't eat dinner until late, having fucked in six different positions, in six different places, and none of them _on_ the bed. Once they ate, they went to bed, sapped of strength and exhausted. They woke up the next morning to fuck again, Ted grabbing a quick breakfast out the door. 

Justin was able to get most of his belongings out of Brian's loft, but refused to take up any of Ted's dresser drawers or closet space. He was choosing to live out of bags and suitcases. His intentions to find a place of his own were very true, just the choices being slim to none. It appeared like Justin would have to sell more than one or two canvases to live in a one bedroom, with monthly rent and utilities. Not to mention needing to feed and clothe himself. 

** ~&~&~&~ **

It was a random weekday night. Justin on the sofa in the living room; Ted seated at the dining room table, a stack of unopened bills one one side, with the ones he was opening -  _ and paying  _ \- on the other. 

Hooking an arm over the back of the cushions, Justin found a lull in the television he was watching to speak to Ted. "I'm going to start a job at the art gallery downtown." He was working on a sketch on his tablet, with just one pencil. 

"Are you sure?" Ted glanced over in curiosity, elbow bent on the table to rest his chin on. "Would you--you're still keeping your part-time position at the Diner?" 

Justin nodded his head. "The weekends and holidays, when they're short-staffed. Of course the gallery job will be priority, since it's full-time." He set down his drawing pad on the coffee table, climbing to his knees to rest on the back of the sofa. 

"You get a 401K and health benefits?" 

"Uhm... I guess." Justin pushed off the cushions to make his way out of the living room to head into the kitchen to grab a drink. "I just kind of jumped at the wages they were willing to pay me." 

"Lindsay's reference helped?" Ted simply twisted his head to the left now to look over his shoulder at Justin near the fridge. 

"Oh, yeah..." Justin shook his head at how Lindsay had come to his rescue. "... _ immensely _ ." 

"I'll call her." Ted stared down at his tabulations and check book, with the check register nearby. "See what the deal is." He poised his pen over a blank space on his paper. "What bank do you have an account at?"

"Eh..." Justin sat down in the chair beside Ted, watching the hand with the pen, ready to write. "... used to be the Bank of Mom and Dad..." He set down the bottle of juice to hide his smirking. "... then it was transferred to the Brian Kinney branch." He knew the humor was in poor taste, especially when Ted was paying his own bills, looking over his own money situation.

Ted was a bit dumbfounded, but clearly not too shocked. "What did you do with your paychecks from the diner?" 

"Cashed and spent them." 

"...  _ fuck _ ..." Ted rubbed a thumb between the frown lines on his forehead. 

"What?" Justin knew he should be more cautious with money, but when he was being "taken care of" by Brian and never given the responsibility to know why expensive things were bought or when money showed up out of the blue... he didn't understand why _ he _ was to blame. "Was that wrong of me? It was never much anyway." 

"Well..." Ted sighed heavily in frustration. It really wasn't Justin's fault, except he should've wanted independence from the get-go. Most teenagers did. "... someone should've opened an account of some kind, in your name, so you could have been building an established equity." He couldn't even place any blame on Brian, since this all should've started right when Justin was being given an allowance from his parents. They should've taken an initiative to make him smart about money, instead of making it available to him, whenever he wanted or asked. "You  _ have _ been filing your taxes?" 

"Uh, sure." Justin's father had made sure he kept filing or knew how to file taxes, making it seem more important than breathing. "Online, since I was 'single' with EZFile. I never make enough to count."

"That's good, though. There's a record of you filing, at least. The IRS won't be after you."

"And that would be a bad thing?" Justin frowned with some concern, only because Ted looked truly relieved.

"Uh... a very bad thing. It's what they finally caught Al Capone for."

"Who's Al Capone?" Justin knew, kind of, since he really did like history, but only certain parts of it.

"Never mind." Ted didn't even want to get started. "Have you thought anymore about your parents?" He folded his arms on the surface of the table. "If you want the independence, you might not be able to do much with PIFA each semester. Cut down to a class, here and there."

Justin was taking a drink when he started shaking his head, holding out his hand for Ted to stop. He swallowed, then spoke. "I've already decided."

"Decided? What have you--?" Ted could tell with the way those blue eyes evaded his face. "You're quitting? You're actually thinking of throwing in the towel?"

Justin set down the bottle pretty forcibly. " _** It's expensive, Ted! ** _ " Weren't they  _ worried _ about money? Isn't that  _ why _ they were talking now?

"Honey, I'd beg to differ." Ted knew the laughter was in poor taste, but the way Justin spoke about PIFA was... a little sad. It was a glorified trade school - _ college level  _ \- that had a more specific route for its students. "Harvard... Yale...  _ those _ are expensive schools. PIFA is--" In the long run and in Justin's mind, the school was an expensive prospect when you had no money of your own to speak of. "... okay, it IS a specialty school, so there are some costly things. But you're there for a  _ reason _ , you didn't get in because of GPA or transcripts and good looks. It may have been Brian who helped you get in the doorway, but you  _ are _ there because of your art work. You owe your own conscience to tough those last few years out." Ted turned in the chair to face Justin directly. "If you can't apply for grants or scholarships, then spread your classes out. Nothing says you have to have  _ everything _ done by the time you're twenty-three. Just... gah, don't just give up." Over the table, he reached out to place his fingers over Justin's hand resting there. "That's no way to--"

"All right... all right... I won't-- _ sheesh _ ..." Justin threw off Ted's gentle touch. He wanted to be annoyed; he hated how calm Ted was about everything, though he did get worried about the future a lot. Especially Justin's future. "You're almost as bad as Brian was about this." 

Ted twisted back into the chair the right way, not willing to hear about Brian right now. "This really should've been done before you relied on others to take care of you. But it's a whole other deal when they make you  _ totally _ dependent on them." He wanted Justin to know he shouldn't have stayed where he wasn't being treated fairly or given a chance to grow and mature. Having more sex than Ted, on any given night, wasn't a sign of maturity. 

"Is _ that _ how you feel about me being here?" Justin was a little curious to Ted's feelings on him living in his home for this long. They hadn't even established what "this" was yet. 

Ted turned only his head to look at Justin. "How do you  _ think _ I feel?" 

"Well..." Justin stretched out his feet to curl them about the legs of Ted's chair. "... you don't yell at me -  _ like, ever _ \- and you don't leave the bed, if you can help it. You eat my cooking... an' you--you're surprisingly satisfying in, and out, of bed." He pushed his feet against Ted's thigh, feeling the hands lift them to the lap to rest on. 

Ted didn't massage the skin, he sat back and relaxed his hands on the ankles and lower calves. "I harbor no illusions, Justin. I'm not--this doesn't have to  _ be _ anything." He was gesturing between them, whatever they had begun together. Ted hated to put a "definition" on it and call it something Justin wasn't ready for, or still too young to comprehend. 

"But this is growing into  _ something _ . Something I never thought I'd want--with you." 

"Look..." Ted swiveled around again, this time spreading Justin's feet to lay on either of his thighs. "... I'm not going to put pressures on you to define who we are to one another." He was resting his forearms on the calves. "But what I won't have is dishonesty and secrets. I'm not your father or your keeper." Ted leaned back to have his hands shift up and down Justin's legs. "There are  _ no _ rules except to treat me with as much respect and kindness as I've shown you." 

"Ted..." Justin wanted to sit upright, put his feet on the floor, but Ted wouldn't let him go. 

"But I, also, want you to know that if you're in  _ my _ bed, there's  _ no one else _ ." Ted was pulling Justin closer, along with the chair, to his side. "If that's not something you want to agree to then the sex stops here." He pointed his index finger down, meaning business. He wasn't about ready to play the games Brian played with Justin. "If you want to keep us going, I'll take care of you--without limits." 

"...  _ teddy, no _ ..." Justin was grappling for Ted's hand on him, but he kept moving away too fast, not letting Justin sit in the chair. "...  _ c'mon _ ..." He was leaning back on the slats, his hands now gripping the sides of the seat. Did it matter that all he could think of now was Ted fucking him or some kind of sex being had between them? 

"No. See, I'm done with the romance and the bullcrap of - _** Are we a couple? Should we 'date'? Please be my boyfriend... or else ** _ . I'm not delusional to the appeal of a warm body in bed with guaranteed sex." Ted knew he was saying a lot, more than he ever had before. It sounded like "rules" to his ears, but he knew they would be different than what Brian had doled out. He pointed that index finger to his own chest now. "Just know __ _** I ** _ __ have boundaries and lines you can't cross. I won't kick you out, if you stray, but you won't be invited back into my bed." 

Justin was smirking, only able to shuffle his legs. "Are you done?" 

"Uh, yeah... I think so." Ted lifted up a lone dark eyebrow. "Are we going to have a problem with any of this?" 

"No... no, we aren't. That's because it's exactly what I want and need." Justin was able to yank his legs out from Ted's clutches, dropping quickly to his knees. He worked on undoing the pants to get them open. 

Ted was quicker, standing to let the material fall to his ankles, getting out of his shoes and kicking out of the pant legs, one at a time. In his underwear, Ted latched onto Justin's arm to spin him around, back to chest. They both lowered the elastic band of the Khaki shorts Justin was wearing to find that he hadn't bothered to put on briefs, which made things even easier for them. Ted bent him over the glass dining table, knocking over the chair Justin had been sitting in and making the structure of the table shake. Ted used his own pre-cum and saliva to slick up his length, then squatted to spread Justin wide and tongue fuck him with some sloppy rimming. Justin stroked himself rapidly, orgasming quick in short spurts onto the floor, his legs and feet. He lay on the glass surface, an arm curled under his face; Ted found his pants again to take out the condoms he carried with him now while pulling down his boxers in a frenzy. The second he was sheathed in rubber, Ted was impaling himself on Justin, latching onto the clothed shoulder and jack-hammering away. 

He watched Justin closely, never having paid attention as much as he did in _ this _ moment. Justin didn't look like he was simply enjoying the act of sex and pleasure. He truly appeared as if he _ liked _ the fact it was  _ Ted _ inside of him. Ted slowed to an even pace, pulling Justin backward to lay against him as he walked them to a nearby flatter surface. He could now lean and thrust out, but Justin was doing most of the work, himself. 

As Justin reached back to hook his hand on Ted's neck, he felt the rise of another orgasm. His other hand soothed over his own belly, playing in the blond bush of hair to find the erection throbbing. "...  _ uhhh-uhhh _ ... I'm gonna cum for you, again... are you there?" 

"Almost. Don't let me... hold you back..." Ted could get off on the simplest of things, and watching Justin cum was one of those things. 

"I want us to..." Justin rested against Ted's chest, counter-thrusting onto the thick cock inside him. "... cum together. I've imagined it..." He let out a forced cry, biting his bottom lip to keep from being too loud, feeling the fullness engulf him. "...  _ ugh-uhh _ ... but we've never..." 

"When you climax or feel it building to a point, clench you muscles." Ted's hand gripped the back of the blond head, roughly tilting it backward to his shoulder to speak into an ear. "I'll be sure to do something." 

"Oh-kay..." The tiny ends of Justin's hairs were tingling, making him almost peak in ecstasy as Ted kept tugging on the blond strands. 

It really didn't take Justin long to reach his second euphoric moment. "...  _** oh, gawd! ** _ _ ... _ _** Ted! ** _ _... m'teddy _ ..." He clenched tighter than he had expected to and could actually feel Ted's intense release course through his system and out into the flimsy condom. 

Both spent, Justin weak in Ted's arms and Ted just as weak, they slumped to the front of the stainless steel fridge they had leaned on. They fell to the floor, sitting like they had been standing. Ted lay his head on Justin's back and head; Justin was rubbing over the two arms about him. 

"I want that...  _ again _ ..." Sadly, Ted had pulled out, but Justin could feel the sensation of that cock still inside him. "... but next time..." Within Ted's embrace, Justin spun to face him, legs thrown over the right thigh. He raised his right arm to set it around Ted's shoulders. "... I wanna go  _ bareback _ ..." Justin dipped his head to brush his nose tip over an ear lobe. He buried his face in the moist dark hair, inhaling the odor of musky, store-bought aftershave, wintergreen mint from the Tic-Tacs usually being sucked on and Ted's own natural scent. 

"Justin..." Ted leaned his head backward, closing his eyes as he settled his arm over Justin's legs. 

"I'll do  _ whatever _ you need of me, to feel I'm not putting you at risk." Suddenly, Justin wasn't so proud of all the men he had fucked before Ted and the times he may or may not have been conscious of what they had done together. 

" _ Mmm _ ... that's sweet..." Ted rubbed over Justin's bare bottom, opening his eyes to stare down at the wet lips. "... but raw sex is normally for people into kinks and those who are... well, in a  _ committed _ relationship." Brown eyes raised to wide blue. "You're not  _ either _ of those." 

"I will. With you." Justin wrapped his other arm around Ted's neck, wrists resting on one another. 

"You'll go  _ kink-y _ for me? Or you'll be  _ monogamous _ for me? Which  _ one _ ?" Ted brought up his hand to brush fingers over Justin's flushed cheek, wiping away some sweat... could be tears, who knew.

Justin bowed his head, staring down at himself, laying within Ted's arms. Such a different feeling to be embraced, almost cuddled, and to be able to "talk" to the person fucking him -  _ after being well-fucked by them _ . "Why can't it be _ both _ ?" 

"Because... I'm no fool. I didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday, kiddo." Ted sat up straighter, letting his legs stretch out under Justin. "You were just with Brian, faithfully cheating. I know you agreed to be in my bed and no one else's, but I know men-- _ gay men _ \--and you'll slip. We all slip one day. You'll be tempted, for a moment, and you'll want someone else." 

Justin hated when Ted got like  _ this _ . He almost had no defense to use. "I'm not like other gay men" He also wanted to say he wasn't like Brian, either, but that wasn't correct. He spent too long trying to emulate Brian to not have people notice. 

"I know." Ted soothed over Justin's hip and down his bare leg. "I hear you, honey, but I've seen you--at Woody's, Babylon... at The Diner... along Liberty Avenue. You're a Mini-Kinney waiting to burst forth." 

Justin was able to situate himself better, to straddle over Ted's thighs, facing him. "I'm not--" His arms were still around Ted's neck and resting on his shoulders. "I was only doing what Brian did, and seemed to want. I thought it would make him--" 

"... want you more?" Ted lifted both eyebrows in understanding. "Honey..." Both hands were roaming over Justin's back, coming up his shirt. "... you proved you're just like every other gay man looking for cock. Hell, even __ _** I ** _ __ know Brian doesn't want that." 

"He never said--" Justin dropped his hands, finding the drying latex-covered cock. 

"Brian never  _ says _ , he _ does _ ." Ted arched backward as Justin was pulling off the condom, rather delicately to keep the spilled semen inside. He watched Justin tie off the end like a pro. "If you were more cunning and had really wanted to get to know Brian, you would've understood that it was best to do whatever the hell you wanted." He kept dipping his head to catch those pretty blue eyes that refused to look at him. Ted knew he was speaking too much truth, but at least he wasn't rubbing Justin's face in it. "Actually, you really should've been more of a 'friend' to Michael, do what he's done for years." He laughed at his own comment. "Or  _ not _ done. "  

Justin scruched his features up in agony. "Why the fuck would I do something like that?" He let his folded arms lay loosely between he and Ted's chests. He still couldn't look him in the face, feeling shame and embarrassment. 

"Twenty years, honey. And he's  _ still _ got Brian panting after him." Ted shook his head in utter misery of how many long-ass years he had wasted running after Michael, doing much the same as Brian, but not as subtle--achingly ridiculous and obvious. "He's constantly getting jealous over anyone who shows an inkling of taking Michael away from him." 

"Brian isn't--" Justin was weakly shaking his head to disagree, but it was difficult. Especially when in the very epicenter of Brian's world one was often blinded by how much he _ truly _ cared for his best friend. That the feelings could very well be mutual. 

"eh, eh, eh..." Ted swished his index finger in front of Justin's face, letting his hands rub up and down the outer thighs of Justin's legs. "... I've known them longer than you. So, please... don't pretend you know better what's  _ not _ happening." He motioned to himself, turning the hand into a fist, banging hard on his collarbone. "My 'crush' on Michael has been a thorn in Brian's side for years. The mere idea, or whiff, of anything private or personal with Michael and I would set Brian off. I would be taken aside -  _ sometimes in the middle of Babylon's dance floor _ \- and given a thorough 'talking to'." 

"I never saw  _ any _ of it." Which was true, face-to-face, with Justin's own eyes. But there was a quiet knowing that resonated even louder than actual proof. Especially when Brian paced around the loft late at night, Justin would watch Brian fondle pictures of them on his dresser or find him wandering around the hardwood floors and staring into his Blackberry or catch him pondering the cordless phone on whether to call Michael or not. If that wasn't Brian pining for Michael then Justin didn't know how else to define it. 

"How could you?" Ted actually snorted out a loud laugh. "Brian's an all-encompassing planet with its own gravitational pull." He stared off to the side, crossing his arms over his chest, relaxing back on the fridge surface. He could feel the coolness on his over-heating skin. "In the group of us four, nobody ever sees Em, Michael or I--only Brian." He rubbed one hand over his face. "It's like a fuckin' law of nature." 

Justin sighed heavily, moving in frustration off of Ted to grab his Khaki shorts. 

"What? What's wrong?" Ted threw both hands up in annoyance at Justin's underlaying anger. Surely it couldn't be directed toward him. "It was what you wanted, and had, for almost five years." 

"I didn't want--" Justin shook out his shorts, lifting one leg at a time to put them back on and slide them over his sore backside. He closed his eyes, staring down at the tiled floor of the kitchen. God, this felt like someone being a "parent" to him, but in an odd way it sounded more like Ted really cared about what he had done to his life. Like how someone who truly loves you cares about your welfare and how really happy and sane you are. Justin tugged at the bottom hem of his t-shirt. "I already told you, I thought that was what Brian wanted of me." 

Ted rose off the floor, his shirt hanging low enough to cover his semi-erect cock. He bent to lift his boxers over himself. " _** Well! Fuckin' congratulations for being as stupid and idiotic as the rest of us poor saps! ** _ " He moved to pick up his pants off the chair and folded them nicely over his forearm. He raised his hand, thinking he still had on his tie, but it had been taken off hours ago, so he simply played with the buttons on his collar. "Get over your fuckin' self about him. He's over you." His voice was loud, but he wasn't yelling. "Get used to the fact that some people just  _ do not _ think you're the 'center' of their universe, like you feel about them." Ted was growing a bit frustrated, especially when Justin was choosing to be stubborn or obtuse--maybe both. 

"It--" Justin let out a long drawn-out breath. "It just hurts, is all." 

Ted closed his eyes.  _ God... _ he knew that kind of pain all too well. "Welcome to the real world, Justin Taylor." He smirked in a crass, rude way. "We've missed you." Then, oddly, he went to shake Justin's hand. "Take off your coat, pull up a chair..." He righted the fallen-down chair and patted the seat cushion. "... and stay awhile." 

" _** Gah! ** _ " With frustrations building, Justin loosely let Ted shake his hand, then with a small smile on his face he wandered away to comb shaking fingers through his hair. " _** Why--?! Why--why does this all have to be so damn hard?!? ** _ " He kept his arms along the side of his head as he bent forward. 

"Honey..." Ted set down his pants on the counter, walking over to grab onto Justin's dangling arms. "... if anything wasn't difficult to come by, we'd bore the fuck out of one another. It's supposed to build character and strength. It helps us know we're human. We bleed, we're breakable and yeah, it hurts like a mother-fucker... but we're here, and somehow we survive." He nodded his head on a solid bounce, swiping a hand over Justin's cheek as he took up his pants and walked into the bedroom. 

Justin had been gripping the ledge of the counter, at his back, his eyes clouding with angry tears. He shouldn't take out his anger at Brian on Ted, that just wasn't fair. He wiped under both eyes with the backs of his wrists, taking some quick breathes of confidence. God did he love Ted to distraction. He loved him for his honesty and his... fierceness in showing how much he did care. He loved his tenacity in letting Justin know just how stupid he had been all this time. What a fool Justin would be to let Ted go for men like Brian Kinney. Not to mention the awesomeness of the sex they always had...  _ whew! _ Yeah... a lot of revelations rolling through him at once. One being, he had forgotten how fresh in his mind Ted's recent loss of Blake had been.  _ Dammit! _ Justin followed behind, leaning on the bedroom doorframe. "Sorry... I forgot about Blake." He watched those hunched shoulders stiffen as Ted stood at the taller dresser. "I know I'm not the only one hurting here." He pushed off the wall to walk over and sit on the bench at the end of the bed. 

"Thanks." Ted kept his chin to chest, but twisted to acknowledge Justin's presence. He was slowly undressing out of his work clothes. "You're the first, and only, person to say that to me since he and I split." 

Justin stared in wild wonder. "Really?"  _ Wow... _ had none of Ted's friends even spoken to him once about the break-up? "I would've thought--" 

Ted backed up, once he had his button-down shirt off and was standing in only t-shirt and boxers. He could feel the dresser at his back. "Em's never been a 'fan' and--well..." He scratched at the back of his head. "... Michael and Ben were, you know..." Then he let out a self-deprecating laugh. "... and there's just no way I'd cry on Brian's shoulder." Ted let the air seep out of his chest, knowing he didn't have to say much else to explain why he just never said anything to anyone. 

"People care, Ted." _... well,  _ _** I ** _ _ care, _ Justin thought as he watched Ted sink into himself, trying to cower away and hide. 

"I know." Ted nodded, because he knew now, but he hadn't known then. "It's tough for me to let them in." He grabbed the hem of his t-shirt and pulled the material up and over his head. He wasn't expecting to feel the other body heat near him, or the hands trying to help him off with his clothes. Or the way those hesitant fingers played over his bare skin, getting lost in his chest hair. "I'll fail them and then..." Ted sighed, closing his eyes to the sensation of the hands spreading over his breast bone, one of the palms cupping over his heart frantically beating. "... there's disappointment... an' guilt an' shame..." 

Justin didn't lift his eyes, keeping them trained on the hesitant breathes Ted tried to breathe. It was a heady rush to know how much he could affect someone's actions. "You still go to recovery meetings?" 

"I try. I call my sponsor whenever I--" Ted rubbed three fingers over the left side of his forehead, feeling a pulsation of a possible headache. "But she just had her first baby." He was fluttering his hand in mid-air to brush off the treatment. "Been married less than a year." 

"... and you don't want to be a bother..." Justin nodded his head in understanding, because Ted almost didn't want to be a "bother" to  _ him _ , which was weird. Should be the other way around. "You know..." He crossed his arms at his back, sidling closer to Ted's warmth, lightly brushing their bodies together. "... one of the things I do recall, from my days following my coma -  _ something I never told anyone else _ ." Not even Brian.

"What?" Ted turned his head to the side, looking down at Justin's shape nearing him.

"How better it would be if I jus', you know..." Justin rolled his shoulders to put a nonchalant idea out there about disappearing from the world, when severe depression would set in. "... drifted away..." 

Ted furrowed his brow with some curiosity. "Like suicide?" He could barely mutter out the word without feeling a chill shiver down his spine.

"An 'accident', really. Trick the nurse to come in, make her fall, trip unsuspiciously... unplug a machine keeping me breathing, or alive." Justin kept staring off into the distance, a spot on the wall that seemed interesting. "Ask for too much pain meds, overdose... so many ways to die, so innocently without anyone being aware." 

Ted was nodding his head, keeping it bowed. "You wonder if anyone - _ someone  _ \- would care." He had known a deep depression like that, especially after he had hit rock-bottom being on crystal meth, then trying to make amends through recovery. "Or to notice." 

"So..." Justin finally raised his eyes in curiosity. "... you're familiar with that 'head space'?" 

"Yeah, we've met." Ted shook his head, unable to speak until he cleared his voice. "In my childhood, I used to think my abuse was only happening to me. But there were more children, like me, than I thought. Some had it even worse. So I gave life another chance, made some deals with God. I've given Him a lot of leeway; He's tested my faith. Not only in Him, but in myself, and the world around me. I'm still not there, yet." 

"It's better with company." Justin let one of his arms hang, grabbing for Ted's hand, bringing the whole forearm to his chest to hold. "Next time you need a meeting or feel the need to avoid your sponsor... call me, huh? I'll pick up, no matter where I am." 

Ted was laughing softly. "You don't have to do  _ this _ ." 

"Do  _ what _ ?" Justin was smiling and letting out a slight snicker. 

"Be  _ nice _ to me. I like you." Ted was able to stop himself from saying that  _ other  _ word. "I like having sex with you--having dinner..." He smiled out of one side of his mouth. "... jerking off to porn with you... watching TV..." 

"One of the things I never got to do with Brian was being able to be  _ in _ his life." Justin frowned, but in a rather off-handed, its-been-so-long-ago manner. "I'd like the chance, if you're willing." 

Ted swallowed the lumped emotions in his throat, his eyes going from sharp blue eyes to full, wet lips. He wasn't able to make much of his life too sexy or romantic, his expertise was humor. "I warn you, those meetings aren't very interesting. We eat a lot of junk food and mainline coffee or sodas. Mostly we stand up and drone on about similar drug problems." He reached out to grab onto Justin's shoulder joint and shake him a bit. "Are you sure you'd wanna subject yourself to--?" 

Justin was close enough to lean in to stop Ted with a soft kiss, resting his brow against the face. "... hush! I want  _ you _ ..." One finger played over Ted's features, tracing them lightly. "... which means I get every part of you... and you get every part of me." 

Ted walked Justin backward, the back of his legs hitting the bench as he sat down, hard, on the cushion. "I haven't--" Ted went to his knees, breathing puffs of air through his nostrils, reaching out to cup Justin's face. "I haven't been in a while. I'll need to check a schedule... or something." 

Justin couldn't prevent himself from bringing up his hands to caress the sides of Ted's face, playing with the short wisps of hair, along the side burns. "Are they online?" 

Ted was momentarily blank of any thought except kissing pliable lips again and then seeing what happened afterward. "Who?" 

"The recovery center where those meetings happen." Justin soothed a hand over Ted's chest to wake him up out of his "fog". 

"Oh, uh... yeah..." Ted scratched at his scalp. "... I think so." He closed his eyes to the feel of wayward fingers over his facial skin. "Blake often mentioned having a meeting with their 'webmaster'." He dipped his head into Justin's chest, pushing gently. 

"Ted..." Justin whispered into an ear. 

"Yes?" 

"Have you ever--?" Justin was petting the exposed side of Ted's face as the other lay in his other hand's palm. "This is gonna sound really random, but do you know the club, off Liberty Avenue, called The AfterDark?" 

"Yeah, why?" Ted wrinkled his brow in perplexity. 

"That..." Justin bit the inside of his cheek, not sure how Ted would react. "... was where I followed Brian to the other night." 

"The night you asked me to-- _ wait! _ " Ted saw the slight shake of Justin's head, he held Justin away from him by the shoulders. "No, it was the night you picked me up off Liberty Avenue, just happening to run into me and then we almost--" He pushed off roughly, standing with his arms folded over his middle. 

"What?" Justin furrowed his brow in confusion. "What's wrong?" 

"This whole time, you've been thinking that Brian was getting into S&M, didn't you? At The AfterDark?" Ted narrowed his eyes on Justin's face. " _ That  _ was what you were talking about the night we started this whole..." He did his usually gesturing between their bodies. "...  _ thing _ ..." 

"Well, yes." Justin tucked his hands between his thighs, crossing his ankles. "Uhm... he left the VIP room with this guy from the stage show - totally naked, cock bouncing around, leather cuffs around his wrists and ankles... and I think around his testicles." He cleared his throat as he looked up at the ceiling to recall exactly what had gone on that particular night. It felt so long ago. "They went down this hallway - _ Brian and this guy _ \- to a private room. I walked by the door and all I could hear was a whip and someone crying out-- _ what? _ why are you smiling?" He was a bit disturbed by the way Ted was holding his belly and using the dresser to keep him upright, before he fell down. "Are you--are you laughing at me?" 

The "joke" was really only one Ted would get, since he had something to do with Brian having been there. "No... no, it's nothing, honey." He put out the hand that had been over his stomach, ready to defend or explain why he was laughing. "But, sometimes, you sure do live up to your true haircolor." 

Justin picked up whatever was near him and threw it at Ted, it lopped him in the elbow. " _** Hey! That's not nice! ** _ " 

"Justin, please..." Ted wandered back over, grabbing both of Justin shoulders, tilting the face to look at him. "... listen to me. You've got the wrong idea about Brian." 

"I do?" Justin seemed taken aback by his mistake. "But... well, how... wha--?" 

Ted went back to kneeling, but this time he was only on one, with the other leg bent, foot planted on the floor. " _** I ** _ am the one who frequents The AfterDark. The man Brian was meeting -  _ has been _ _ meeting _ \- is a professionally licensed therapist." 

Justin completely skipped over the fact that he had thought something wrong about Brian, and more that he had missed something this profound about Ted. " _ You _ go to The AfterDark? When?" Ted hadn't been since they had gotten together, so far. 

"All those times you guys thought I bailed to go home early to jack off to porn..." Ted shrugged a shoulder at a time, not embarrassed to admit where he went. He had been doing it for so long, he thought someone would pick up on it. No one did, so he simply didn't mention anything. Nobody seemed to care. "... I went." 

"Ted, I--" When he thought it was Brian with the fetish, Justin had to admit he was a bit hesitant, if not somewhat scared, about the sub-culture. Once he started having sex with Ted, he didn't know how, but he wanted to introduce a little bit of the "play" he had witnessed on the stage. Justin hadn't known how to approach Ted to ask him nicely if he minded or considered bringing the "scenes" into their sex life. 

"I know. I'm amazed at myself as well." Ted let out a soft, stilted laugh. "I've taken to the culture rather well. I've always been curious, but now I'm not." 

"Do you have a VIP card?" Just like with everything else they had experimented with, Justin was hoping they could go together--make it something they had in common and did on their own, by themselves. 

"Yup... but I haven't been in awhile. I don't go often. Only when the mood strikes me. Or I'm having a difficult time of coping... you know..." 

"The person, uhm..." Justin wasn't sure whether it was really a "she" or a man dressed up as one. "... serving drinks gave me one for free."

"Ahhh... that must be Coco. S/he likes Blonds... and young men. If you were Jewish, you'd be a triple threat." 

"I wanna go." Justin made the statement flat out, with no qualms. 

"What? Justin..." Ted let out a snort, shaking his head. "... this isn't--"

"... Babylon. I got that. I checked it out. They have an amateur night. Like for couples who wanna--" Justin wasn't allowed to finish his comment. 

"No." Ted stated succinctly, as if putting his "foot" down. He twisted around to head back to the dresser, the old sign of the conversation being over and done. He was going to look for some pajama bottoms to wear to bed. 

"But... come on... we'll go together." Justin couldn't help his voice sounding like a earnest little kid, curious to the wild ways of the mean old world. "If we don't participate, we can still sit in the audience an--" He hitched back a bit on the bench, shocked when Ted came at him with an index finger raised. 

"I realize you're old enough now, but-- _** fuck! ** _ " Ted laughed to himself, running a hand over his hair. "... why am I even talking?" He looked directly at Justin, hands on his hips. "I said 'no'. End. Of. Story." He made to move away, but Justin's next statement drew him backward. 

" _** I thought you weren't my father! ** _ " Justin held his chin high, determined. "I'm going anyway, with or without you." He was able to stand, maybe fifteen seconds tops... before Ted snatched Justin's wrist and spun him around to face the wall, arm pinned behind his back. Justin cried out with startled pleasure, thinking Ted was about to rip his shorts off and fuck him. Instead, Ted simply held him to the flat surface of the painted plaster.

**~ &~&~&~TBC...~&~&~&~**   



	7. Chapter 7

 

 

"Don't..." Ted was pushing his face into the side of Justin's head, mouth directly at an ear. "... believe for one minute I won't be able to change your mind." He instantly had become someone else, someone Justin might not like to be around. He snarled his next words as if Justin were no better than dirt on the bottom of his shoe. "You think because you've mastered Babylon's backroom that you can even  _ contemplate _ being on that stage. What you don't know is... you were given a one night only Free VIP pass." He let out a mean, nasty cackle that vibrated through his chest and over to Justin's body he was pushing up against. "They give those to every new customers that walks through their doors. CoCo may have  _ liked _ you, but it was  _ just business _ ." 

" _... teddy... please... _ " Justin feigned a frightened, helpless voice, but he was spreading his feet wide, opening his inner thighs.

Using his upper body to hold Justin in position, Ted slid both of his hands down Justin's flanks to trail over hips and slide down the khaki shorts to let them pool at Justin's feet. Keeping him on the wall, Ted tucked a hand between, and under, to fondle the sack, rolling the testicles in his hand. He squeezed and tugged, just enough to make the craving for more course through Justin's body. Like Ted had been taught. "... you're nothing special in that club, except fresh meat they can't wait to pull apart... and make their own..." Ted was only pinning Justin with his meager body, but it was strong enough to hold him steady. "... who do you belong to?" 

" _... oh, god... lemme jus'... _ " Justin's body started quaking. He needed to touch himself or have Ted do it for him.

"I asked you a question... who do you belong to?" 

" _... n-n-no one... an' n-n-nobody... _ " Justin was finally freed from Ted's hold, he started stroking himself as his palm was braced on the wall for balance. He hadn't been able to distinguish between sweat and tears; he didn't care, he just wanted to orgasm and expel quickly. He eventually did... on the wall, the carpet and over his feet. Justin leaned on his right side, slinking down as his knees buckled from under him.

" _** Get up! ** _ " Ted yanked Justin to stand, having him walk out of his shorts completely and then threw him facedown on the mattress. He had one of his leather belts in his hand, starting to secure Justin's wrists behind his back. He kicked open the legs and proceeded to spank the ample ass cheeks with the flat of his palm. " _ That _ ... my curious gay friend... is a mere _ sampling  _ of what they'd do to you, on your own." He splayed his arms above Justin's head on the bed, shoving his groin into Justin's bare bottom. "Is  _ that _ what you really want?" 

" _... nooo... _ " Justin didn't want a random  _ some _ body... he wanted  _ Ted _ to weild this kind of masterful power over him. It was what he had wanted all along.

"Good." Ted filtered the fingers of one hand through the back of the blond locks, then yanked the head backward a bit roughly. Justin cried out in ecstasy, seeming to want more. "Finally get some sense into that simple mind of yours."  

" _... but I want to... with you... please... _ " It was an awkward position to be in, but Justin kept trying to thrust back into Ted's crotch, willing to fuck now. 

Ted sighed, burying his face in the blond hair he had been tugging on, inhaling the sweet scent of shampoos and gels. God, he could--he could very well do this and not think twice. But the guilt afterward would eat Ted raw. "... Justin..." The hand that had been pulling blond strands was now smoothing over the expanse of Justin's curved back, then moving down to soothe over the reddening ass cheeks. 

" _... please, Ted... _ " Justin loved the sensation of Ted's weight on top of him, pushing him down and holding him in place so he couldn't move. It was an even higher rush of euphoria to have his hands tied or kept apart from being able to touch, to easily connect. " _... th-this is exactly what I wanted... _ " Now he was attempting to shuffle from under Ted to offer out his backside, spreading his legs by lifting up high on the mattress. " _... spank me, again, harder..... then fuck me.... an' we can-- _ " Suddenly Justin felt the cold air condition breeze of the condo. " _... Ted?... teddy, wait... where are you going? _ " 

The bedroom door slammed shut. A second door closed, as well, which meant Ted had actually left the condo. 

For five minutes or more, Justin remained where he was, then climbed fully onto the bed, laying on his side with his arms still bound. He  _ had _ been scared, not expecting Ted to take to the Dominating role so well. Justin had a raging hard-on because of it, all over again--that spanking and the restraining with the belt, being half-clothed or wearing ripped clothes... it all fit a "scene" in his fantasies. Gradually, Justin relaxed, almost falling asleep. He opened his lids back up when he heard the front door open, then the slow creak of the bedroom door... 

With his back turned, Ted made quick work of shedding his clothes, letting Justin view flashes of his pale ass... the dark leg hairs starting from the under curve of the cheeks to fade into thickness along the length of the lower limbs. He sniffled, and unconsciously flexed the muscles in his backside as he bent to put on the flannel pajama bottoms, only. He coughed into a tight fist, keeping silent as he grabbed clothes for Justin, on the way over. " _... c'mere... _ " Ted waved Justin to come off the bed a little. 

Justin simply kept his upper body on the bed, while his legs were dangling off the mattress edge, feet touching the floor as the thighs spread. 

Ted loosened the belt, then gestured for Justin's dirty shirt, handing the fresher, clean clothes to him. "... get up and get dressed... then turn around and sit down..." 

Justin did, keeping his chin lowered and eyes downcast while he did what he was told. He liked it, he liked it more than he ever thought--being ordered around and made to obey. He was almost hyper-ventilating as Ted simply cupped his head, kissing the top of his blond locks. Justin closed his lids, looping his hands around the sturdy wrists. "There's no need to apologize." His voice was cracking with arousal and emotions, so he had to roughly clear his throat. "I, uh... get what you were trying to do." 

Ted ran his thumbs along the underside of the jaw, making the head shift upwards. "Were you frightened at all?" 

" _ Mmm _ ... no." Justin blinked slowly, blue eyes catching worried brown ones. "... not when I knew it was you." He let out a soft smile of assurance. "Even with my eyes shut." He rubbed the sides of his face in Ted's palms, wanting the touch and caress... some kisses, maybe.  

Ted kept Justin's eyelids shut with his thumb pads. He kissed the center of the brow, the tip of the nose and then lightly pecked the mouth. "You don't go there without me. Ever." He removed his thumbs to watch the lids slowly lift to have the eyes drift toward his own and stare intensely. "Hear me?" 

"... yeah-yes..." Justin reached out to grab Ted's waist. "Could we try a few things here? In small doses?" 

"Maybe." Ted wasn't too sure that wouldn't become another mess-n-a-half, since they didn't even know what they were doing together in the first place. 

"But..." Justin opened his mouth to complain. 

Ted closed the lowered jaw. "Dead issue." He pointed toward the side of the bed Justin had taken as his own. "Get back on the bed." 

Justin crawled backward, dragging himself over the cover and sheets to lay the wrong way, feet at the headboard. He used his toes to grab some pillows to lay his head down on. "You joining me?" 

"Yeah... I'll be back." Ted wandered out of the bedroom, leaving the door open. He returned with a set of DVDs. He put one into the DVD player hooked up to his TV in the bedroom. As he came back, he carried the remote into bed with him. Ted sat on the mattress, next to Justin's stretched out body. Setting down the remote, he leaned over to soothe a hand over Justin's bottom. "You okay?" Ted snatched one wrist, then the other to look them over, giving them gentle kisses on the inside. 

"I'm sorry." Justin choked out, again. 

Ted swished his head from side-to-side, shrugging one shoulder. "I realize this is like me stepping into another world, that I'm not myself." The hem of Justin's shirt had rucked up his torso, exposing bare skin. He ran the back of his fingers over the warm flesh as he went on to explain. "It's this guy I met, through some old friends. Radical therapy and I get to 'fantasy' role play. In conjunction with my recovery, I was feeling lower than low. That, uhm... particular 'head space' you were talking about." 

"Yeah, yeah... I get it. I do." Justin was soothing his own fingers up Ted's forearm, sifting through the dark arm hairs. "I know those meetings can't be easy." 

Ted brushed back the blond bangs, allowing his hand to comb through the strands at the back of the head. It almost looked as if Justin began to "purr", feeling relaxed and contented. "What? What is it?" 

"Huh?" 

"You heaved a huge sigh." Ted brought up his hand to brush over the chin and jawline. "Sounds like you might need to unload some burdens off your shoulders." He lightly massaged at the left shoulder joint. 

"Not now, huh? This is--" Justin rose up enough to curl onto Ted's lap, hug him loosely with one arm. "... this is so nice..." He closed his eyes at the bliss of feeling fingers massage over his aching scalp. 

"It is, isn't it?" Ted leaned down, nuzzling and nudging Justin to turn his face. He sent out a broad smile. "Mind if I hold you... if you feel like falling asleep?" 

"Would you?" Justin was already willing, and waiting, to crawl back into Ted's embrace. 

"Come on..." Ted latched onto one of Justin's arms to drag him with him to the head of the bed. "... come here..." 

**~ &~&~&~**

Justin woke up, sometime in the early morning. His head and heart pounding, his stomach not feeling too good. He made a mad dash for the bathroom, proceeding to upchuck everything he had eaten, and digested, over the last two days--well, since the last time he'd vomited.

Standing to his knees and hanging over the toilet bowl, attempting to expel whatever was left, the fourth time he kept coming up with dry heaves and gas pockets of air. His eyes were watery, hands shaking and his nasal passages were burning.

_Crap..._ the bad news would come sooner rather than later.

**~ &~&~&~**

Ted wasn't sure what woke him out of a dead sleep, but rolling over and finding the cold, empty space of where Justin usually lay made him sit upright in bed. "Justin!" He called out, knowing his voice would be heard throughout the condo. He slipped from under the covers, not knowing why he went directly to the bathroom, knocking on the closed door. "Honey, are you--?"

The lights hadn't even been turned on, or they had burned out. Ted flipped the wall switch, finding Justin asleep, resting on the tub rim as he used a rolled up towel as a pillow. One arm was across his lower belly as if holding in cramps.

"Oh, _jesus_... Justin?" Ted shook the body awake, regretfully. He could see dried tracks of tears on the washed-out face. " _... justin... sweetie..._ " He gently tapped the flushed cheek as he squat in front of Justin's limp body.

" _... mmm... teddy?_ " Justin shook awake, his brow frowning to wonder why lights were so blinding and he felt so chilled on the cold tile flooring.

"... hey, c'mon..." Ted was trying to loosely pull Justin upward, but he wouldn't budge. "... don't lay on the floor, you'll catch a cold." While level with Justin, he sent out a hand to wipe over the sweaty face, brushing back the moist bangs. "... come back to bed..." It was startling how familiar Ted was becoming with feeling another body laying next to him, how accustomed he was to having Justin lay close, trying to seek warmth or affection. When it was gone or not there, he actually ached.

"I can't." Justin shook his head, everything coming back to him. "I might throw up again."

"I've got a trash can, some pots or pans I can--" Ted could see himself being dragged down to sit on the floor. "Uh, oh-kay..." He folded his legs Indian Style, close to Justin. "Or we can sit here, for awhile, 'til the queasiness subsides." Ted watched Justin take the rolled towel and go from tub rim to his lap. The blond head, and its body, curled about him, closing lids to fall asleep or stop the world from spinning. Ted tried to find a restful position on the floor, leaning his back on the sink cabinet. He brought out a hand to rub over Justin's upper back and shoulders, with his other hand he combed through the blond hair, able to view a profile of the pale features. "What--?" He was barely able to ask what had been happening as Justin was interrupting him with an answer already prepared.

"I'm  _dying_ ." Justin had heard the word weeks ago, not letting it sink into his head until _this_ very moment. The moment he could let someone in on his health issues.

"Honey, believe me--" Ted soothed over Justin's expanse of back, down to the lower portions at the elastic band of the shorts. "Believe me, you only 'feel' like you're dying." He was smirking and speaking into an available ear.

"No. _I am_ , Ted." Justin wrapped himself tighter about Ted's lap, fingers grasping the outside of one thigh.

"Uhm... hold on..." Ted was shaking his head, a weird grin on his features as he tried not to take the words said seriously. One never knew with some people how over-dramatic they could be. "You wanna sit up and say that to me again."

Justin pushed off of Ted's leg, placing his left hand flat to the floor. He kept his head bent low, unable to look directly at Ted and those warm brown eyes. "The old noggin'..." He knocked on his own head. "... is faulty."

"Wha--? When?" Ted was trying to think back to when Justin would've been able to go to see a doctor, and that he wouldn't have felt the need to talk about what was going on with him. But then Ted realized that he hadn't really made himself clear on how much he _did_ care, so Justin would automatically think things like this wouldn't be of interest. Now Ted felt guilty those times he didn't step up and define who they really were, or at least let Justin know that things of this nature were important for him to know. "... uh, when did you go to a, uhm...?" He tried to recall the word for a doctor who specialized in everything to do with the head, mostly the brain.

"I've been having 'episodes'. Nothing huge, just _little_ things - _blacking out for a few minutes, almost fainting for no reason_. I thought--" Justin swallowed, shaking his head. "I had my yearly neuro-check up and I was fine." He became extremely quiet, able to hear his own breathing and Ted's. "... but months later, _things_ started happening." He frowned with the same confusion that had been plaguing him for weeks. "They went away, I was  _good_ . Nothing serious happened, but now they've started back up, again."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Ted was still clueless as to why Justin wouldn't think this important.

Blue eyes lifted to brown, begging for a certain forgiveness. "I didn't want you to worry." Justin quickly averted his gaze, then his head. Actually, he didn't want to chase Ted away. This was a frightening medical issue to tackle, even with Justin alone . 

"Justin... look at me..." When those blue returned and went steady, never wavering, Ted began. "... I know we've got this weird sexual connection, with an even odder relationship tacked on, but you wouldn't be here if I didn't care."

Justin snickered softly, eyes lowering to Ted's mouth. "You so _looooove_ me." It was his typical youthful way of taunting the other person, but he had a sense of truth behind the words. He could see it in Ted's eyes, the sadness that came forth as he joked.

"Not now. That's not--we'll talk later." Ted placed a hand around Justin's shoulder, rubbing up and down the biceps. "Okay, so these 'episodes' start back up and you- _-what_ ?" It ate at him that Justin could've been going off somewhere else, like a hospital, when he had thought he was at PIFA all day long.

"I called my neurologist. He wanted me to come in the next day. I went to his office and - _from the x-rays they took_ \- they brought me to the Emergency Room and, well... they gave me some heavy medication to combat the, uh... well, I guess it didn't help that when they took the x-ray I went a little out-of-it... so yeah... it was touch-n-go for a few hours."

"When?" Ted was growing frustrated, more annoyed with  _himself_ than Justin. His hand now grasping the shoulder. He didn't know what to say or how to even approach the subject of when/how Justin had done all this without making him aware. Justin had come back to the condo as if it had been a normal day. "So you've seen him, he did some tests... you had the beginnings of an 'episode', problem was diagnosed and now you're on some new medicines and _this_ is one of the side effects."

"No, well, yeah - _somewhat_. But _this_..." Justin shaped his index finger around his head, then to the toilet, meaning how he had been vomiting before. "... it means the meds aren't working properly. I mean--if I vomit, the medicine can't stay in my system and help my brain function-- or the pain to stop."

"You were in 'pain'..." Ted just couldn't understand the need to keep  _these_ kind of secrets, wondering when he could've become so oblivious to not know or even detect. Usually he would've been so "in tune" and catching things before the other person even spoke. God, what was wrong with  _him_ ? What was wrong with both of  _them_ ? "... and you didn't say?"

Justin felt so bad, but he really didn't know what to say to Ted's insistence he should've been told. Even though they  _had_ talked, plenty of times, they had never really established what or who they were to one another. "I, uh... I've got maybe three-to-six months before this could potentially shorten my life."

"You mean..." Ted dipped his head to catch Justin's gaze. "... _die_?"

"Uhm, yeah..." Justin averted his gaze, turning his head as he scratched at his scalp. "... before I die..." It seemed ridiculous now, to hear it with his own ears as Ted spoke the word, but... yeah, he should've said something to Ted and brought him in a little sooner.

"Like dead- _-die_ ?"

Justin chuckled lightly, shaking his head. Leave it to Ted to say something awkwardly funny at an inopportune time. It's what endeared Ted to him. "What other fucking way is there to die?"

" ** _Hey! I'm new here!_** " Ted was rubbing over his own chest, trying to gain some sympathy for possibly saying some stupid and incorrect things. He wasn't used to being given information like this every day. " ** _Bear with me, 'kay?!_** "

"Sorry... sorry... I jus'--" Justin let out a sweet smile, reaching out to touch Ted's cheek for a second. He let his hand drop to Ted's leg, cupping the shape of the thigh in the flannel pajama bottoms. "I had a long talk with Dr. Andrews. He rattled off some choices I had to make, but..." He bowed chin to chest, shaking his head. "... I can't afford the long-term care. I--I can't--I don't have the health insurance for any kind of surgery, to see if a better outcome is possible.

"Justin... honey..." Ted reached out to cup the sides of Justin's neck, hating that he kept lowering his head as if embarrassed or ashamed. He lifted the chin up high so he could look into those blue eyes, able to see a helluva lot more than what Justin was saying. "... you've brought me in when half the story is over. What the fuck has been going on?"

"There's..." Justin's voice cracked, so he cleared his throat. "... some  _new_ swelling in my brain... lesions blocking some blood flow."

" _... 'new' swelling?... 'lesions'?... jesus christ..._ " Ted loosened his hold of Justin's neck, wiping a hand over his own mouth and jaw. "I'm not following." He furrowed his brow with deep concern. He was sure he had randomly asked one day how Justin was, with his head and all. It had been during the night, laying in the aftermath of some great sex, both trying to catch their breathes. Ted's hand had innocently sculpted over Justin's head, flittering through the blond strands when he felt that old scar, over the area where the bat had hit. That was the one and only time Ted had asked about Justin's bashing and had been told everything was "fine". "Didn't you get a clean bill of health? How can--?" None of this was adding up to any kind of coherency.

"I don't know  _how_ it happened, but it did?" Justin pulled out his right hand, stretching out the span of his fingers. "Luckily it hasn't affected my hand, like it did before." He kept his head bowed, looking down. "I'm sure he may have told me some theories he thought about, but once I knew it was something with my brain again..." Justin swished his head from side to side, shrugging one shoulder. "... an' some possible 'trauma' having made it rejuvenate latent, hidden problems." He put a finger to his temple, trying to remember some of the words his doctor had said to him. "Like a delayed reaction to my attack..."

"Okay, uh..." Ted squinted a bit, trying to think over how Justin could just blatantly say he would die if there weren't some way to save him. There had to be options and Justin was choosing to see the easiest and less evasive. "... so what were your options again?"

" _Do nothing_ ... and let nature take its course."

"Which we won't do. Next?"

Justin wanted to say something, but stopped. "Some rather radical, intense drug therapy that could involve being bed-ridden or in a hospital setting for a long stretch of time."

Ted figured that was probably the most expensive and risky. That could be given further thought, but he needed to know the other ones. "Next?"

Justin sighed, feeling the queasiness subside as the heavy weight was being lifted off his back. Half the nerves he had been feeling were from not having told Ted right away. "Surgery. Which may or may not work, depending on what they find." He shifted closer to Ted. "Also, there's a 10-20% chance of irreparable cerebral damage."

"Meaning?" Ted really didn't need to be told, in too much detail. The brain was a tricky organ, he could only imagine what _might_ happen.

"I could have a stroke in the middle of the operation. Post surgery, I could have a seizure, my speech and memory faulty. Not to mention my overall physical appearance."

"That's a  _low_ percentage."

"It's still a  _possibility_ and... expensive. Especially if I need more than _one_ surgery." Justin sighed, letting his whole body sag. "Everything is so expensive... an' risky."

"Oh..."

"Look at me  _now_ ." Justin was frustrated with himself, wondering why things couldn't just be simple and easy.  _Take a pill... all better now_ . "He changes _one_ drug and I can't tolerate it." He heaved a sigh of exasperation as he rubbed a hand over his face, then wiped over an eye. "So I'm back to square one."

"You haven't made a final decision yet?" Ted had rested his forearms on his thighs, his hands playing with the string ties of his pajama pants.

"Uh, no..." Justin flicked his eyes from Ted's hands up to his face. Ted hadn't looked at him directly in quite awhile. "... well, kind of..."  

Ted simply raised his chin, eyes narrowing on Justin's face. "I'm not following." 

"Given my situation, and everything I _don't_ have - _unless I have oodles of money, time and patience_..." Justin lay his hand on Ted's knee, cupping the joint. "... which option do _you_ think I would choose?"

Ted could almost hear Justin's choice in his voice. He rested his hand on top of Justin's, squeezing the shape. "I told you already _that_ was not an option. You're not a quitter."

"I live here..." Justin stared at Ted, swallowing hard as he spoke. "... we fuck and share the same bed, but you don't really have a 'say' in my life." What hurt the most was that it was true. Ted had never staked a "claim" on him or made it clear what Justin was in his life to be considered important.

"What if I  _ did _ ?"

"Huh?" Justin wrinkled his forehead in bewilderment. He felt the lump enter his throat to actually be hearing those words he longed for.

"What if I said _something_ that would make you consider it _not_ an option?"

Justin pet his hand up Ted's thigh, resting at the meatier portion. "Ted, I'm not gonna force you to admit to feeling something you're not certain of yourself."

Ted grabbed for the hand, bringing it up to his mouth to kiss the skin. "... but what if I _ do _ ?"

"What?" Justin was watching Ted's kiss then hold his hand. The "little" things always pelting him in the gut.

" _Feel_ _**it** _ _._ " Brown eyes frantically gazed over wide blue. "I have for awhile."

"What?" Justin rearranged himself on his knees, pulling directly in front of Ted. They untucked Ted's legs, stretching them out lengthwise over the tiles. Justin slid in between the thighs, hands planted on the outside of the legs on the floor as he leaned into Ted's face. He lowered his voice to a whisper. "What have you felt?" After his last boat of nausea, and having vomited nothing, Justin had decided to brush his teeth. He knew it would make him feel a bit more  _normal_ , but he hadn't had anymore energy to step into the tub to take a shower. But at least his breath smelled minty, partly appealing.

"I don't know when it happened..." Ted leaned back on the sink cabinet, reaching out to grab onto Justin's arms. "... but that first 'moment' between us, outside Brian's loft..." He shook his head at his own shock at having an emotion course through him that  _**strongly** _ , that  _**quickly** _ . "... my feelings went deeper - _permanent_." One hand reached up to cup the side of Justin's face. "I wanted to ask you to come home with me, then and there."

Justin nodded his head, tilting into the palm around his cheek. "I wanted that moment to go on. I wanted you to take me away." It had overwhelmed him and made sleeping uneasy that night. To feel so strongly that suddenly, to want someone else that badly--someone who had been a good friend to him. He had ached when Ted had left. "To fuck me, feel you inside of me..." He closed his eyes to think about himself back then to now, especially knowing already how it felt to have sex with Ted. He brought out a hand to soothe over Ted's thighs. "... taking me, giving myself to you..." Justin couldn't think of anything better to do, late at night, when they were alone and in the privacy of the bedroom. No one else had to know what they did or what was done to get to where they wanted to be - with each other.

Ted watched Justin turn to the side, tucking himself against his chest and stretching his own legs out along with his right leg. "I don't blame you." He massaged the back of Justin's head, along the nape, playing with the end strands of blond hair. "That long without Brian an' getting constant mixed signals."

Justin rested his cheek on the side of Ted's head, feeling the soft hair brush over his skin. "I felt  _one_ with you... one of my 'episodes'."

"Wha--? When?"

"Uhm, I don't recall exactly, but it scared me and it got me to thinking." Justin wrapped his arm about Ted's neck and shoulders. His other hand smoothed over the t-shirt covering the torso he was laying on. "If I had to go - _sometime_ \- why not let it be when I'm at my most happiest, seeking the ultimate pleasure."

" _Whoa, whoa..._ " Ted snatched for the hand on his chest, grasping the wrist to hold Justin out in front of him. "... **_N-O!_** " He undercupped Justin's head, getting him to look him dead in the eyes. "It may seem like the _best_ idea for _you_ , but the man - _uhm... **ME!**_ \- who's fucking you..." He shook his head to silently convey it was a very, very horrible idea. Especially to do to him. "Not only would losing you be traumatic, but to think  _ **I** _ was the one who could've pushed you over the edge." Ted pulled Justin back into his arms, holding him a bit lower so now the head rested on his shoulder. "Christ, I have enough burdens to bear." He couldn't even fathom the thought, both arms tight and secure about Justin's frame.

"Sorry." Justin mumbled softly as he closed his eyes to feel the tightness of Ted's arms, a clear sign he felt more emotions than he was admitting to. "I never thought that far." He had known Ted cared, but now he knew _how_ much, which was something he hadn't been sure of before. "It's why I wanted to see what The AfterDark was about. Finding a satiation point  _without_ sex every time." Justin wasn't too certain that his incessant need for pleasure and sex hadn't contributed to some reaction in his brain. It surely wasn't the cause of the lesions, but it could've been the "trauma" his head had felt. "Maybe... or that it's not _always_ the answer to everything pleasurable."

"No." Ted was rocking Justin gently in his arms. He dipped his head to speak into Justin's face. "More 'no' than I've stated before. I'm not having your further demise, or death, on my conscience."

"Then..." Justin was reaching the end of his rope of choices or which one to choose. "... what do I do, Ted?"

"... _**we**_ do, honey, what do **_we_** do..."

Justin sunk into Ted's protective embrace, letting him hold him tight and safe. "... _mmm... what do we do, teddy?_ "

Ted still didn't have an answer.

**~ &~&~&~**

The next morning, Ted reluctantly walked into Kinnetic to try and drown himself in monotonous work. Hours later, when most of the morning was gone, he decided it was time to take a stand, stop procrastinating the inevitable. Taking care of Justin was top priority for him right now. Anything else before, during and after would come second or last. He really would've rather been home, not _here_. And the last thing he needed to witness was what he could see through Brian's office glass doorway.

_When had Michael arrived?_

Brian and Michael were kissing... and it wasn't like how Ted had imagined it would look. Feral and hot, ripping off clothes and pushing up against a wall. This was subdued, almost private. Brian in his office chair, Michael half-seated on his lap, with an arm around the broad shoulders as they talked, faces dipping close... and then mouths meeting, like the merest of brushes. Brian getting a "taste' of Michael as he went on-n-on with his storytelling, then Brian disrupting him with a caress to his cheek, then another smack of lips, hands shaping Michael's body. 

Normally, this would be a great incentive to stare, but it reminded Ted of Justin, which made him think of the situation they were in. Now the sight, of such tender love and care, broke his heart  and made him want to sob like a baby. Of course he knew Brian and Michael would never be like a typical couple, but more personal, invading each other's space... meshing foreheads, laughing with one another as they whispered into the other's ear. They had a language and ways of communicating that had once pissed him off. Now, he knew what it was like, yearning for more of his own, with an unlikely candidate... Justin... the ex-Hot Blond twink of five long years ago.

Ted knocked on the glass, then glanced away. Michael was the one who wandered over to open the door.

"Hey, Ted." A quick peck on the cheek, a touch to the other cheek and a squeezable hug.

" _... michael..._ " Ted could barely voice the name, then couldn't even find breath to say anything else. He allowed himself to be embraced, needing the attention, even if for a few seconds of time. Michael pulled away and step aside, expecting Ted to brush on in, instead he hesitated at the doorway. "... Brian..." Ted shoved both hands into his trouser pockets. "... we  _have_ to talk." He didn't want to dismiss Michael, but... after he and Brian's last conversation, he wondered if everything had to be kept on a personal level.

Michael didn't waver in his smile, looking hard at Ted as he spoke his words. He could tell something was on his friend's mind. He gradually turned his gaze to Brian, their silent dialogue of them wondering if it had to do with Ted's new, uh... "roommate".

Brian blinked slowly, resting back in his chair, swaying a bit as he threaded fingers over his stomach. "Ted, if you give me a few minutes, I'll--" He was gonna offer Ted a slot of time in another hour or so.

Ted kept his eyes averted to the floor and a side of one wall. He now knew he couldn't look at Michael, at all. " _This_ can't wait." He had to get over his fears and stand for what he truly wanted to have happen. How else was he going to be able to show Justin he was capable of handling everything coming their way?

Brian stopped relaxing, sitting forward and wobbling the chair to his desk with his feet. "Not even for a few seconds?" 

Michael still had that hundred-watt smile plastered on his face, that unwavering sensitive side of understanding to another's plight or nervousness. "... hey, hey... it's okay." He tried to reach out and lay a light hand on Ted's arm. "Brian, I should be on my way."

Brian pushed to stand, hands on his hips. "No, don't."

"Wait..." Ted closed his eyes, reaching out a hand to take the glass door paneling from Michael's clutch. He let it shut on its own spring. "... Michael, you don't have to leave." This was a snap decision and he hoped it didn't backfire in his face. Not the way he knew how Michael felt about Justin. He V-ed his arms in front of him, rolling his shoulders. "You might eventually find out soon, anyway."

Michael looked over at Brian, trying to see if he could decipher _anything_ from Ted's body language. Brian shrugged, shaking his head slightly. So Michael crossed his arms over his chest, tucking his hands under his biceps. "What is it? What's wrong, Ted?"

"Justin. It's Justin. He isn't... uhm, _good_."

"Well..." Brian interjected before Ted could find a semblance to continue. "... sounds like a personal problem, Theodore."

"No, wait..." Ted rubbed over one of his eyes. "... that came out wrong. Justin isn't 'good' - _health-wise_."

"What do you mean?" Michael was now facing Ted directly, with his back to Brian as if he could block Ted from view. 

Brian had rubbed over his jaw, then paced out from behind his desk to come around and sit on the side of the surface. "It's what they _warned_ him about, isn't it?" Both Ted and Michael looked startled over at Brian. "It's come back." Everyone had thought he had callously abandoned Justin during his time of being in the hospital, in the coma and then in rehab. Little had they known he had requested regular updates to make sure Justin made it through.

Michael neared Brian, softly punching him in the arm. "See... I told you he had a good reason." As if admonishing Brian for complaining when Ted knocked on the door, disturbing their privacy.

Brian put up a hand to push back another fist if it came his way. "STOP... with the violence. I've hurt myself enough for you." He was now wearing a shorter ace bandage around his hand, just because it remained sore and throbbing.

"Sorry." Michael soothed and kissed the arm. He positioned himself on the side of Brian, leaning back on the desktop, as well. "Go ahead, Teddy."

Hearing his nickname from Michael's lips made Ted nostalgic--ready for a rewind, back to when things were easier. He was feeling a little more comfortable talking, now that Michael had made him relaxed. "I need time off, Brian."

"Sick days are for _you_ alone, Ted." Brian kept his tone at an even keel, not wanting to upset Ted further. He wasn't sure that Ted even knew Justin had been having "episodes" and medical issues again. 

When Justin had come over to collect his things from the loft, Brian had made sure he was there, but in a capacity of only being there to talk. He kept his coat on, car keys in his hand and didn't make it seem like he would stay. He was headed over to Michael's house. Brian had caught Justin almost fainting in the bathroom, as they tried to discuss things, Justin getting more and more agitated in frustration as the conversation progressed. Brian couldn't tell if it was heat and exhaustion, anger and annoyance... or a penchant for being accident prone. Justin hadn't looked good and then he swooned, nearly slipping on the tile and clocking his head on the porcelain sink ledge. Brian found him kneeling on the floor, arm having stopped himself from completely falling. He demanded an explanation, because he wasn't ready for drama to be used in order to get back into his life. Justin reluctantly told him, but very little. Just enough to let him know things were being handled, or "dealt with", and Brian didn't need to worry. But he _did_ , only that Justin wasn't telling Ted a thing, keeping this a secret. Well... apparently it wasn't a secret any longer.

Ted heaved a huge sigh, rubbing at his brow. "So I'll call in 'sick'." He folded his arms over his chest, feet spread apart in a solid stance. "But there's personal days I can take."

"Yeah, when  _immediate family_ dies." Brian glanced away, wiping down his face. He shouldn't be angry at Ted, but he was. Not because Ted had Justin in his life now, but that - _although older_ \- Ted didn't know much about how relationships worked into being a real couple. He had known Ted for far too long and his awful track record with men; he knew Justin too. The image of them both trying to be anything remotely resembling "boyfriends" just seemed wrong and odd to him. But then people were saying the same things about he and Michael. It wasn't helpful that Ted had his own troubles, past and present, to deal with. If Brian let Ted go, he doubted he would ever see him again. "How long are we talking?"

"I have no idea." Ted squared his jaw tight, lifting his chin. "We won't really know until we get the tests done, weigh out all the options." He paused to look up at the wide pairs of eyes staring back at him. He knew why--he kept saying "we", as if he and Justin were a joined couple. He shouldn't care about what they thought and he didn't. "An', uhm... we see what we do from there. It's more waiting than anything." Ted furrowed his brow as he thought back to earlier today. "Iff the situation I witnessed this morning was any indication, I need to go part-time or consider working from home. But I can't be here, if he's--" He interrupted his own comment, finding himself running out of steam. He had no idea he would be  _this_ tense since finding Justin on the floor of his bathroom, hearing the words  _**"I'm dying"** _ from a healthy-looking twenty-two year old. Ted moved a little toward Brian's huge glass desk, having to use the tabletop to balance himself on, with leaning on his right arm, fingers holding him upright. He tried to adjust his tie, feeling hot and about to choke.

None of this seemed fucking fair to Ted and he wished he could rage, shaking a fist to the sky. But what if he blew a chance to make peace with his own sense of God? He hadn't had an amiable relationship with his spirituality in years, didn't know if he wanted to renew any faith or seek a redemption for a past indiscretion he hadn't been cleansed of. All Ted knew was that Justin was an  _innocent_ and deserved to live a long and lasting life. He would gladly trade his for...   


Michael quickly moved to Ted, one arm wrapping about the hunched shoulders. "Hey, hey... it's all right." He tucked his face into the side of Ted's left cheek. "We're here for you." He said the "we" out of habit, even though Brian didn't look too happy. Brian had climbed off the desk when Michael had come over to Ted, Brian's back was now facing them both. "And for Justin. Whatever you'll need. _Both_ of you." He finally lifted his head to glance over at Brian. "Right, Brian?" It was no matter of agreeing, it was just what  _would_ be done.

"I can't." With his back still turned, Brian was shaking his head, hand over his mouth. "I'm sorry, Ted."

Neither Michael nor Ted had expected Brian to say "no" so quickly, and then apologize for it.

"What?" Ted raised his eyes, narrowing his gaze on Brian's profile.

Brian finally spun around, staring across at Ted. "I'll give you the flexible schedule that you want, but I _need_ you. This is a crucial time. We're almost into our second year." It was a desperate attempt to save Ted from himself and that damn sense of needing to always "save" the men in his life he loved or  _believed_ he loved. "I need you on my team."

Ted and Michael glanced at one another; Michael was unable to voice any reaction except a soft look of regret and a soothing hand massaging over Ted's back. Michael drifted away, wandering into the area of the boardroom. This seemed like something more between Ted and Brian, on their own terms. This was  _Brian's_ business and Ted was  _his_ employee. Michael really didn't want to rock the boat, but he _did_ want to say some things. He could wait, knowing how to handle these situations whenever Ted and Brian were both being stubborn and butting heads.

"Well..." Ted let out a forced chuckle and smile. He really shouldn't be surprised, but he was. "Justin will be quite shocked to know how easily disposable he is, was and always will be to you."

"But he's not _mine_ to deal with any longer. He's _yours_. You handle  _it_ ." Brian cleared his throat, keeping his voice staunch and determined. "You handle  _it_ , however you see fit, but you don't bring any of  _it_ here--to the workplace." He crossed his arms at his back, locking fingers. "You can leave early today, or leave now, but I'll be expecting you to be on time tomorrow morning." Brian pointed toward Ted's direction. "Get your personal shit straight, Ted. I'll need to know your schedule by the end of the week."

"God..." Ted didn't have to lean on the table anymore, he was upright and tugging on his suit jacket. Anger was keeping him from losing his balance, showing any vulnerability. "... you can really be a selfish, heartless jackass when you want to be." He narrowed his eyes on Brian's averted face. "I would quit, but I wouldn't give you the satisfaction."

"I wouldn't take your resignation." Hazel eyes stared blankly at fuming brown. "I, also, refuse to fire you, just so you can collect unemployment."

"This..." Ted rolled his shoulders, one at a time, adjusting the knot of his tie and flicking at some shirt buttons. "... was a waste of fuckin' time." He turned to his left, looking over at Michael standing at the boardroom table. "Michael, I'll see you-- _whenever_." Who knew when Ted would have any free time.

Michael called out Ted's name as he went for the glass door's handle. Ted paused, half in half out. "You'll be in your office?"

Ted cleared his throat, lifting his chin up with pride. "I  _can_ be." Brian hadn't defeated him. He could do  _this_ \-- _every_ thing,  _any_ thing--for Justin.

"Then I'll come see you after I'm done here." Michael tried to soften his expression, his features conveying to Ted that they could talk about whatever was on Ted's mind, whatever he'd need to get off his shoulders. "Okay?" He gave out his typical friendly, warm smile of reassurance that things would be fine. 

"Yeah... fine." Ted left with no big emotional explosion, almost a deflation of sorts.

Michael leaned back on the boardroom table surface. " _Well..._ " A lone dark eyebrow lifted in slight curiosity.

Frustrated, Brian stood across the room, feet planted apart, in front of his desk. "Don't say it." He twisted around a little to back up to the glass surface.

"What?" Michael held out both arms, in his own defense. "What could  _ **I** _ possibly say to you--a grown man..." He motioned between them, then rubbed his palms together."... that will change your mind?"

"That I owe  _him_ ."

" _Owe_ _**him** _ ? Who? Ted... or Justin?" Michael wrinkled his brow in confusion, not sure what Brian was trying to get at. This was one of those "important" things they had hashed out in their therapy sessions together. "If it's  _Justin,_ what the fuck do you _owe_ him?" He sighed and swiped a hand over his face. "Brian, have you been able to sit down and tabulate everything you've already done for  _him_ , and what you've been given back in return?" Michael nodded his head as Brian averted his head on a huge sigh. Brian _did_ know, but he was still thinking he had some amends to repay. After all, the massive guilt over the bashing was consistently bothering him. At some point, Brian needed to live his own life and not carry someone else's burdens. "You're tapped out. Your wealth of giving is drying up. It's someone else's turn now. Or maybe...  _he_ finally needs to become self-reliant... or self-sufficient... one of those."

Brian snickered awkwardly, combing one hand through his hair, watching Michael approach him. " _Both_ would work." He put his brow into one hand, rubbing hard over his face. "It just pisses me off." His hands gripped the edge of his desk, fingers going tight, knuckles going pale red.

" _What_ does?" Michael stopped nearly an inch in front of Brian. "That life goes on... and shit happens? Or..." He gazed intently into wide, worrisome hazel eyes. "... are you wishing you could take Ted's place? Swoop in and be someone's personal super hero of the day?"

"I am _not_ getting dragged back into his life." Brian wanted to get _that_ made very clear to Michael.

"I'm not expecting you to." Michael smiled, trying to show Brian he wasn't angry in the least. "Nor do I want you to do something that obviously upsets you to a certain degree."

Brian still worried that the slightest misstep would put him in a situation where he was taking five steps back instead of advancing forward with Michael where he wanted to go. Where they  _both_ wanted to eventually end up. "I'm focused now. I'm committed elsewhere." He pointed to Michael's chest. "To you. We're working on _us_ , making _us_ work."

"Would it be a distraction for you?" Michael tilted his head, narrowing his eyes in wonder. "Confuse you?"

"No..." Brian shook his head, then let out a stilted snicker. "... but it would still keep me as some type of viable 'option' in  _his_ eyes." He didn't want to take a chance Justin would fuck up his shit again.

Michael thought it was kind of cute how hard Brian was trying to behave for him, taming himself in the process. "It's okay to say his name, Brian." He reached out to pull at Brian's shirt, fix the tie to align with the row of buttons down the chest. Brian wasn't a true business professional-- _no tie clip_ . He softly chuckled at his "rebel" still existing under all this conformity.

"I know." Brian bowed his head, looking down at Michael's hand on his chest. He really would've liked him to do more than just touch his clothes and fiddle with his tie. "I just deal with my anger better if I can't put a 'face' on him." He raised his eyes to look at Michael as he heard that adorable laugh under breath. He reached up to cup the side of Michael's face, a thumb pad skimming over the bottom lip. "He's just _someone_ in my past, who needs to remain there." 

They mutually dipped in to kiss, breaking apart to keep their brows together. Michael's hand went down Brian's flanks, then around to his back. Brian's hands rubbed up and down Michael's biceps to his bent elbows, then back to rest the wrists on the dip of the shoulders. Brian's fingers played in dark wispy locks; Michael tucked his fingers in the back waistband of Brian's trousers.

" _One day..._ " Michael nodded his head as if he knew this for sure. "... you'll be able to be around  _him_ and not get so upset about everything. I honestly had no idea you were holding all this anger back, against him." He was still shocked, even weeks after their sessions had been over. "I mean, I could only do so much, I had to let you learn on your own." Michael brought his hands back around to settle flat to Brian's front, patting softly on the chest. "I trust you and I would forgive you, if--" He shut his lids, leaning into Brian's body, resting his brow on the strong jawline. "... nah, screw that. Let me not let one time be excusable. I simply trust you. That's all."

"I would never be tempted." Brian secured both arms about Michael's upper body, holding him near. "Even just for one fuck to see if it's out of my system."

"You think  he is..." Michael loved this position. They had done it a few nights after their  _intimate_ moments in, uhm... well it used to be HIS bedroom with Ben, but now it was turning into their own bedroom. "... already?"

"Yeah..." Brian rested his cheek on top of Michael's dark hair, closing his eyes. "It gets easier every day, the longer you and I--" That wasn't important to contrast and compare them with what he had attempted to have with Justin. He should stop before he got himself in trouble. "I just have to cut ties, at some point, to let the healing begin in order to move on."

Michael pushed off to look up at Brian. "I understand what you're doing, and why." He locked his arms around Brian's torso, again. "I'll support your choices, but you don't have to punish Ted or let him suffer."

Brian nodded in agreement, spanning his hands over Michael's back, one slipping up the well-worn t-shirt to stop at mid-back. "What would ** ** _you_ do in my position?"

"Well...  _ **I** _ wouldn't have fucked him. Period." Michael mimicked a laugh, but didn't really laugh- _laugh_ .

" _**... har-har...** _ " Brian did, but quietly, as he bent low to press his lips against Michael's forehead, holding there for a little longer.

"No, but seriously..." Michael pushed off again, gazing up at Brian's questioning hazel eyes. "I, uh... I'd give Ted his allotted sick days. Let him have the rest of this week, at the very least. There's no telling how quickly appointments can be made and tests done, then the waiting for results. Let him be on-call for you, in case you truly need him in client meetings. Knowing Ted there's employees here who know how to interpret his reports. If by next week there's still no change, let him have _vacation_ time. Then think about getting in _two_ people - _part-time temps_ \- to work at his pace."

"Jesus..." Brian was thankful enough to press a quick kiss to Michael's lips once he'd finished. "... you didn't have to get  _that_ detailed, but yeah... okay, I see your point. I could've handled that a bit more, uh... tactfully."

"I'll go into his office. I'll inform him I talked you into this decision. That way..." Michael was pulling away from Brian, but Brian was trying to hold on with the grip of his hands. "... I still look like the good guy and you can remain the big ole meanie."

"Am I? Really?" Brian lifted one eyebrow in quiet contemplation. He knew he did, rhetorical question.

"To me?" Michael touched his own chest, then shook his head. "Nope... you never have been." He tried to escape, but was tugged back toward Brian's chest. He rolled his eyes like he was done, ready to go.

"Good." Brian squeezed Michael to him, sideways, then leaned into his face to press silly, noisy kisses to his cheek. "I'm glad it's only been you." 

" _Mmm-hmm_..." Personally, Michael was grateful for this moment--their friendship and closeness blossoming into something much more than he could ever have imagined. "... me, too..."

 

**~ &~&~&~... TBC...~&~&~&~**

 


	8. Chapter 8

 

 

Ted walked through the front door, into a darkened condo. He flicked on a switch connected to one lone lamp to find Justin curled up in his robe, facing the back cushions. Instead of the usual porn tapes and DVDs with gay magazines strewn about on the coffee table, there were sketch pads and art supplies classing the tiny area up. Ted smiled secretly, his heart picking up pace as he took off his coat and hung it up on the hook. He made his way over quietly, taking out his car keys and wallet, change going into the dish on the kitchen counter. He sighed with relief, glad to be back home and where he wanted to be all damn day. Ted wandered around the end of the sofa, walking over to sit down on the one cushion left for him to take as he picked up the pile of spiral drawing pads.

These sketches must be new, because Ted saw no traces of Brian's face or something that looked like his body. Not even any of RAGE or JT, but of some kind of well-muscled super hero. He thought it was cute that Justin couldn't seem to shake the comic book illustrating dust off him just quite yet. As Ted was admiring the talent on every page, Justin rolled over, staring down at the man he now knew he loved more than he ever had Brian. His feelings had solidified early this morning, on the floor of the bathroom. 

"Tough day?" Justin could read it in the body language, the way Ted sat forward on the sofa, his mind focused on the drawings he was perusing. 

"... nah..." Ted loved being able to walk through the front door and wipe away everything that had happened since he left. He made a face of mild disgust, shrugging one shoulder. "... the usual." 

"I, uh..." Justin rose to his elbows, then wiped the sleep out of one eye. "... did some calling since my headaches were bad." He then yawned into the hand as he flipped over fully onto his back. "I called PIFA to see about my classes." Now he sat upright, pulling his legs in to stretch. "Called Dr. Andrews. He, uh... wants to see me tomorrow, but..." Ted hadn't looked over at him _once_ , Justin wondered if he was really paying attention to him. "... I told him about you." He was rubbing along one ear lobe, tucking back his mussed locks. His hair was growing long, almost too long. 

"Justin..." Ted heard every word, sitting back to throw the sketch pads onto his lap as he crossed an ankle over his knee. 

"I told him _who_ you are to me." Justin set his legs back over the edge of the couch, sitting turned toward Ted's end. "That I live with you." He tried to pull the material of the robe discretely over his bare legs. He hadn't dressed in anything all day, it was rather decadent to simply be in briefs for several hours until the someone he had been waiting for returned. "That _you_ would be coming with me to my appointments. I wasn't wrong, was I?"

"No." Ted shook his head, heaving a huge sigh. "I _want_ to be there and I _will_." He threw his left arm out over the cushions for Justin to take, which he did. Their fingers tangled as Ted turned to look intently into Justin's face. "I'll take care of you, but..." He set his hand down, palm up, allowing Justin to control the caresses. "... you _need_ to call your Mom. She _needs_ to know." Justin averted his head but held on tighter to Ted's hand. Ted knew what Justin was going through, he had done the same with his own mother. "Even if you don't want her there, let her know what's going on so she's not thrown for a loop unexpectedly." 

"Okay..." Justin shuffled over, closer to Ted's side. "... did you hear me, though?" He threaded their fingers, keeping Ted's arm on his lap. He didn't care about decorum anymore, letting the robe flap open to expose bare skin. "I said I told him who you were to me. I told him you were my 'partner', like a, uh... 'boyfriend'." 

"Yeah, yeah..." Ted squeezed Justin's hand quickly, but didn't turn his head away from the drawings he was looking over. "... that's fine." He mumbled the response which made him seem disinterested.

"Sheesh..." Justin chuckled deeply, hugging Ted's arm to his chest. "... don't be so thrilled." 

"Justin... they're fucking _words_." As Ted looked at the pictures on the pages, he kept turning his head in different directions. "A simple set of words to make normal, straight people feel more comfortable about us, who we are to one another." 

"God, you almost sounded like _you-know-who_ there."

Ted blinked slowly, glancing over at Justin from the side of his eyes. "You can say his name. I've become numb to its sound." 

"Don't become too used to it." Justin pouted, playfully. "I still want you to be jealous I might one day--" 

"Say it..." Ted yanked on Justin's arm, making him pitch forward a bit. "... an' I'll spank you." Darkening brown eyes stared down at wide blue ones. 

"... uhm..." Justin tugged back, twisting himself just slightly to offer out his right ass cheek. "... please... like you did last night." 

Ted shook his head, snickering as he looked down at the sketch pad again. "I take it you feel better?" He swung their bond of hands, rubbing a thumb over soft skin. "Headaches are long gone?"

"Yeah..." Justin went back to sitting turned toward Ted, laying his head on the back cushions. "... late this afternoon, then I had a creative burst strike me." He shifted over, sitting correctly and grabbed the second sketch pad from Ted's lap that was under the first. He flipped back a few pages. "It started out as just a concept drawing with _one_ subject. Then, I don't know, I branched out." Justin plopped the book on top of all the others, drawing up his legs to huddle into Ted's side, arm about the shoulders. "See... this one was my first." 

Ted stared down to see an average, forty-something-looking man tied to a bed, looking rather pathetic, yet vulnerable. He actually felt sorry for the dope. "Who is this? RAGE's older brother, APATHY?" 

"No..." Justin deeply chuckled, squeezing Ted tight to his body. "... it's _you_." 

"Yeah..." Ted slowly blinked his eyes, then rolled them. "That's what I was afraid of." He bit the inside of his cheek to hold his comments back. 

Justin turned to the next drawing where an image of the same man was walking down a corridor of young naked men chained to the wall, hanging high above the floor. "It gets more perverted." 

Ted let out a loud chortle, shaking his head. "Should I be worried?" 

Justin grinned giddily down at Ted's baffled expression. "Do they turn you on?" He wanted Ted to know how he "saw" him, despite how Ted looked in reality. 

"Uhm..." Ted tapped an index finger to his chin, like he was deep in thought. "... now that I know it's supposed to be me... eh, not so much." 

"Liar..." Justin brought his hand over to feel the bulge under the trousers. "Do you _mind_?" 

"No." _Sheesh_... like the question ever had to be asked for permission. "I was going to change into some more comfortable clothes, later on." Ted liked watching Justin undress him, especially if he added those extra "bonuses" while he did. 

Justin nuzzled Ted's ear, while his hand made quick work of the belt. "I have no other way to 'thank you'." 

" _... mmm..._ " Ted arched back when he felt the hand take him fully. " _... oh, gawd..._ " So much stress had built up today, he could feel the climax growing rapidly. He tried to flip to the next sketch, but Justin took those drawings out of his hands.

Justin slid off the couch to stand, then squatted to the floor. He was able to work Ted's erection out through the boxers and slacks so he could take him into his mouth and suck slowly. He bobbed fast, indenting his cheeks around the bulbous head. He tasted the pre-cum and knew Ted would shoot soon. Justin knew right where to find the lube and condoms. He stood upright, letting the robe fall to the floor and stepped out of his briefs. He put one knee down to sit astride Ted's lap, then brought his other leg up. He was high enough to reach back, guiding himself down on the throbbing length. 

Justin cried out softly at being filled, grabbing onto Ted's hair. Ted reached around to latch onto ample ass cheeks. Two hard thrusts in and Ted ejaculated, burying his face shamefully in Justin's chest. Justin embraced Ted in return, pressing kisses on sweaty skin. " _Ssshhh_... I don't care. It doesn't matter to me. I wanted you inside me as you came." He bent to kiss Ted's neck, nudge their faces together. 

"But you..." Ted could clearly see how hardened Justin had become. "... you haven't--" 

"Meh, I figure we can continue this in the bedroom." Justin smirked down and winked at Ted looking up at him. He grabbed both sides of Ted's head and bent to kiss him, long and passionately. Simply to be aware he was ready to take this into their bed. "I'm willing, if you are." 

"You're okay?" Ted was sliding his hands up Justin's back, watching him rise and move above him. "You sure?" He would be extra cautious now, whenever they had sex. 

" _Mmm-hmm_... I've missed you." Ted had allowed Justin time to recoup, from whatever had been giving him pains before he knew what was truly wrong. Before this morning, Ted had simply thought Justin had a bad migraine. "And I've felt a 'need' for you all day, since you left." 

"Like a bad habit to break." Ted teased as he started kicking off his shoes, hands coming down to shape over Justin's backside, then over the outside of the thick thighs. 

"Maybe you're good for me." Justin had missed this intimate touching, the tender caresses. "Too good." He meant it. Even now, Ted wasn't angry at him, not since he had learned about the severity of what was going on. 

Ted placed one finger over Justin's lips. "Don't say it." He could feel the smile building under his skin. 

"What?" 

"That you don't _deserve_ me."

"Okay..." Justin shimmied above Ted, reaching back to latch onto the cushions, wiggling around as Ted was still embedded inside him. "... I won't." 

"I deserve _somebody_." Ted arched backward again, feeling the inner walls clench him. He exhaled on a soft breath. "So..." His hands were now shaping up Justin's chest, cupping the breast bone. "... why can't it be _you_?" 

Justin could tell something else was trying to come out of Ted's mouth. "... _teddy_... wha--? What's wrong?" As he tilted back Ted's head, he caught the moisture building in the eyes. "... _oh, teddy_..." He dipped his head to press a kiss beside the corner of the mouth, then skimmed over the tightly closed lips. "... _m'sweet, sweet teddy_..." Justin now rested his forearms on the back of the sofa, fingers messing in Ted's dark locks, one wayward hand coming out to swipe over the eyes to prevent tear flow. 

"I lov--" Ted choked, tears surfacing behind his throat. 

"Please..." Justin's hand now covered the mouth, his other arm circling Ted's neck. "... don't..." He was feeling his own tears ready to pour forth. 

Ted removed Justin's hand rather roughly, then started kissing the palm, moving down the wrist and forearm. "... but I do, honey. I do, so much." He brought Justin down, while he lifted himself up. "I'm scared. I'm afraid to say it." 

"I know, I know." Justin was a bit speechless by the moment, feeling a heady rush as he felt the twitch of Ted's cock inside him. "It's okay. It'll get easier." Taking Ted's fingers with his own, he held them back on the cushions of the sofa, behind Ted's head. He began to ride the length inside of him. "I promise." He grabbed under Ted's jaw to twist it up more, kissing the lips. "I know you do - _I do_." He let out a quickening breath, feeling his own orgasm rise. "Words aren't--" He lay his brow on the back cushions, wrapping Ted's arms about his torso to hold onto him, tight. "I guess with some people they're needed." He quickly worked at pulling off the tie, undoing the small buttons of the shirt. "But there really can be a difference, huh?" Justin sat upright, his hips canting as he pulled the material of the shirt upward, from between their bodies, and undid the last few buttons to expose the hairy chest. "The way men treat you..." He let his fingers get lost in the dark curls, cupping the upper chest, then flicking over the pert nipples. "... make love to you and fuck you hard when you ask." He closed his eyes when he felt the frenzied thrusts of Ted's hips. He arced backward, getting a different sensation in his body from the pelvis onward as he felt the intrusion of the thick cock penetrating him. He almost felt like he was splitting apart as he came, rising above Ted.

Ted reached out to grab onto Justin's shaking thighs, getting him to relax and calm down from his intense orgasm. The less he put Justin's life at risk the better, but that didn't mean they had to exclude their own pleasures and the pleasure of one another. "I'm yours..." He let his hands span over Justin's abdomen as his body rode out the aftermath of his climax. "... for the rest of the week." 

"What?" Justin looked down at Ted with hazy, unfocused eyes. He leaned heavily onto Ted's brow, hands cupping the sides of his neck. "What do you mean?" 

"I went to Brian to ask for time off to be here with you." 

Justin was quiet. "So he _knows_?" 

"I think he suspected." Ted furrowed his brow with some concern, but not much. One never knew much of anything with Brian Kinney. "Which was weird." 

Justin didn't want to mention he had one of his near-fainting episodes at the loft, and Brian had almost caught him. "So... what did he have to say?" He could detect a bit of annoyance and anger surfacing on Ted's features, so he brought up his hands to soothe over the cheeks, comb back the hair to massage the scalp. 

"Brian was an asshole, of course." Ted tilted his head back, looking up at Justin with half-lidded eyes. "Michael - _thank God_... _the voice of sanity_ \- was there and helped to plead my case." 

Justin was shocked more by Michael coming to his defense. "Then he really is over me?" He went to cross his arms over himself, like he was shamed. 

"Yeah, uh... he's extremely focused and concentrating on Michael and whatever they've got going together." Ted looked at Justin above him, pulling down his arms to get him to stop feeling so guilty. "Sorry." 

"No. No." Yeah... Justin was hurt, but he was getting over it. But he couldn't help feeing being made a fool of. 

"That's a _good_ thing." He bent to press a quick kiss to Ted's lips, loving the feel of the hands on his face. "I want to be with you. I'm making a choice on my own." 

"I'll be here for you, through the appointments and tests, then whatever _we_ decide." Ted started to smile as he noticed Justin breaking out into a foolish grin. "I have the option of using my vacation time." 

"But what if--?" Justin wrinkled his brow in perplexity. 

"No. Think positive." Ted reached up to make the corners of Justin's mouth smile more, then he did his own. 

That got them to both share in a deep chuckle. "We can't afford to think about that percentage of chances of anything we do failing." 

"So..." Justin tilted his head to the side. "... you're an optimist now?" 

Ted let his smile simmer down, his eyes staring intently. " _For you_ , I will be." He was realizing he was willing to a lot for Justin, things he would never do for anyone else. 

Justin leaned forward, meshing their foreheads. "... _oh, teddy_..." He just wanted to curl up in these strong arms and hide away from the cruel, menacing world about to swallow him whole. 

"Come on. Get up." Ted softly tapped on Justin's bare ass cheeks. "Go. Get under the covers before you catch a chill." 

"Yes, Sir." Justin saluted rather poorly as he rose to let Ted slide out of him, he winced a bit. He got off the sofa, and Ted's lap, one leg at a time, bowing awkwardly as he picked up the robe and his briefs. 

Ted took off the condom, tying it off then tried his usual attempt at a "dunk shot" into the garbage can. The latex actually made it into the trash. 

_Wow_... life did seem brighter with a lighter, sunnier attitude... 

Ted wondered, and had some hope, that the meager good luck would last. 

**~ &~&~&~**   


Sometime later in the night to early morning, Ted woke to find Justin awake, seated next to him. He was upright immediately, latching onto Justin's arm nearby. 

"What?" With his other hand, Ted wiped away the sleep from his eyes. "What's wrong?" 

"I don't know. I can't sleep." Justin covered his hand on top of Ted's to squeeze in reassurance. 

"Feel sick?" Ted combed fingers through the blond strands, then let his hand cup the back of the neck where most of Justin's headaches generated from. "Does your head hurt?"

Justin shook his head, chin lowering to chest. "Nah... I'm fine." He was smiling secretly. "I'm more than good." He raised his head to look directly at Ted. "I think I'm actually gonna be 'OK'." Justin reached out his hand to soothe over the inner thigh of Ted's right leg. 

"Justin, that's, uh... great, but..." Brown eyes were watchful that Justin was touching him in such a seductively sweet way, but that he was unusually somber and quiet. "... you're scaring me." 

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to be." Justin stifled a snicker through his nostrils. He had been thinking about a lot, while laying awake. "It's just been such a short time for us, being together and all. I, uh..." He felt emotions choking his throat, making it extremely difficult to talk in this low tone. "... I know I should be out there, playing the field, sleeping around." He shrugged his shoulders with nonchalance, knowing he was never going to be like anyone else his age. "I shouldn't keep wanting to tie myself down into a permanent relationship. Making someone commit, be monogamous. But..." Justin lifted his chin and let out an encouraging smile. "... for the first time, I think I'm right where I belong."

"Honey..." Ted's hand was caressing over the flushed cheek. He could tell Justin had fought within himself for a very long time. "... you don't have to say any of this."

"But I do." Justin shook off Ted's hand, but then grabbed for it to mold with his own, palm to palm. "How much longer do any of us have, huh? What if I fell asleep right next to you tonight, passed away peacefully in my sleep..." He loosely gestured over to his "spot" in bed. "... but you never knew?" 

" _Never_ knew? Justin..." Ted sat more upright, pulling near to Justin to reach out for him to drag him closer. "... I _do_ know, because you've told me plenty of times."

Justin put out a hand to press to Ted's chest, fingers lost in the chest hair. "Do you know how much?" 

Ted tilted his head to the side in slight contemplation. "Are you worried that if things were different you'd want to take care of me?" 

Justin went quiet again, hating to have to face the inevitability of death. It just didn't seem right, or fair. To have found a certain happiness, peacefulness, and to not be guaranteed to be able to have it for too long. "I'm selling every painting I ever did at PIFA and any that I've kept at Mom's." He hated knowing he could be sitting on so many "goldmines", waiting for... _what?_ He should've been trying to sell them all this time. He shouldn't be wasting his talent to be suddenly discovered and whisked off to New York City or some random popular gallery, maybe in Europe. "If I happen to do anything currently, I'm taking it directly to the public." Justin twisted his head around the bedroom. "I think we need a bigger place." 

"Sweetie..." Ted could only image what was going on through that massively huge brain of Justin's. He let out a soft chuckle, resting his hands on the legs to his right. "... we're just two guys. How much space do we need?" 

Justin leaned back on his hands, stretching out his bent legs along Ted's body. "Well, I need a studio with windows, so the paint fumes don't bother me. And with great sunlight." His foot bumped up against Ted's side. "And we - _you and I_ \- need a 'playroom' of our own, like a basement." He bit the inside of his cheek to harbor ideas and thoughts about what this could entail. "A place where we can--" 

"Eh, eh, eh... slow down." Ted lifted one hand, palm out, to tell Justin to stop. "I _get_ the idea." He furrowed his brow in concern. This was sounding different than from that spurt of independence awhile back, when Justin thought about a place of his own. This even sounded different than simply _living together_ in Ted's condo. "Justin, what are you really trying to say?"

"I know it's too soon..." Justin scratched at the back of his head, along his scalp. "... and convenient to my current state of health, but I think there _is_ a way we can do this without it being difficult to get everything done." He pushed himself upright, his own hands resting over his legs. "For me..." Justin reached for Ted's hands, grasping the fingers. "... for us." 

"How? What are you--?" 

" _Marry me_." Justin stated exactly what he had meant to, nothing foolish clouding the request. 

"Wha--?" Ted found it difficult to catch his breath for another sentence, but he tried. What was even more intriguing was that Justin's face held no ounce of humor or teasing. "You can't be serious." Why would a beautiful and talented, young twenty year old man want to saddle himself with... well, with a man like Ted? It just didn't compute fully into his mind. 

"Why not?" Justin's voice sounded genuine in its inquiry. "It's a good solution. Do you know of something better?" Not only did it bring them together, making their relationship more real and sound than anything else in either of their lives, but there was a point of not only having the continual support of another, but of being able to financially "take care" of the person you were marrying. For life, if possible and even in death. 

"Uhm... no-ah. Why the fuck would you even think you'd wanna mar--?" Ted shook his head of confusion. He tried to quickly scroll through some "better choices" that he felt wouldn't shorten Justin's decisions in life. He never once thought he would marry, but if he did it would be forever until death _did_ part them. It was no joke to Ted what marriage stood for. "How 'bout a charity event or a fundraiser to raise money? Em's good at that sort of thing. I'm sure Michael would help. We could--" 

" ** _No!_** I refuse to be indebted to anyone. Or be made into some martyr?" Justin put a hand on Ted's chest. "And if you mention a thing about talking to Brian, I'm gonna--" He made a sudden move to grab for some testicles. 

Ted scurried away, backing up against the headboard, with a pillow safely tucked to his body. "... _wha-wha-whoa!_... that's good to know." He exhaled on a nervous chuckle, holding out a hand to ward off an attack on his body. "But I wasn't going to mention him at all. We'll just have to do things without him this time." 

"Oh, sorry..." Justin wasn't, really. "I thought that you thought--" 

Ted folded his hands over the pillow, steepling his fingers. "I guess this is as good a time as any to say to you he's 'off limits'." 

"Yes." Justin cleared his throat, feeling his body respond to Ted making a demand of him to obey him. It didn't sound like a "rule", it simply sounded like a wishful request. "I already knew that. I was going to--" 

"Even a tiny hint..." Ted stuck out one index finger to mean "one time" being caught, even a scent of a thought or idea. "... of something, it's a 'deal breaker' for me." 

"... _mmm_... more rules, Sir?" One blond eyebrow rose in mockery. 

"Of course." Ted held his chin higher with pride. He was the oldest person here in the room. He would like to have some authority, be in control. "I'll be making them along the way." He raised a hand to reach for Justin's, wanting to pull him to his body, preferably over him. "And I cut you no slack. I _will_ be obeyed... or else..."

"... or else _what_?" 

Justin hadn't even realized Ted had such a strong grip of him before he was dragged over the two flattened thighs. The pillow had been thrown away to leave Justin to lay directly on naked skin. A palm swatted once, softly, then soothed, Justin rolled his hips into Ted's body. The hand shaped over, then under, slipping beneath the material of the shorts to tousle the oval testicles from the back. 

"... _hmmm... teddy_... I've been such a bad, _bad_ boy..." Justin wiggled out of the shorts to show the pale flesh of his backside where the faint handprint was appearing. "I deserve to be disciplined." 

Two more swats to separate cheeks and Justin gripped onto the bed linen. He cried out, jolting once, then twice. It was reaching a pinnacle moment for both of them, both crawling to their knees and facing one another. They kissed roughly, biting at each other's mouths, tongues meeting. Ted fondled them both, one cock in each hand. Justin enveloped both arms around Ted's neck to tug on the short dark brown locks. Ted reached for the stash of condoms, beginning to open one packet. Justin figured he would be getting fucked, which was fine with him. He went for the lube, but Ted latched onto his arm to make him pause. 

"Wait..." Ted shifted to move Justin's forearms from around him, so he could sheath Justin's erection. "... this is _me_... trusting in _you_..." He kept his head bowed as he rolled the latex over the length. 

" _... oh, teddy..._ " Justin could've sobbed huge crocodile tears, especially the tender way Ted was putting the condom on him, then kissing up his body to his neck. "If this gets to be too much, tell me to stop." 

"That's what 'trust' is, honey. Me knowing you'll _already_ know." Ted snatched the lube, reaching around to prepare his own hole as he slowly stroked himself to hardness. " _... oh gawd..._ " He almost came just from the touch of his own fingers over the puckered entrance. "I have no idea how long it's been, so be gentle." He _did_ know _exactly_ when. Ted simply needed an excuse to explain his inner fears. On all fours, he hand-walked toward the head of the bed and lay face down, with a pillow tucked under his face and upper chest. 

Justin soon followed, walking on knuckles. He watched Ted spread open, arcing his bottom up and out to expose the anus, perineum and ball sac. He didn't want to coldly penetrate and pound away. He kept the tube of lubrication handy as he decided to use his fingers first to check the "give". It was fairly tight. Ted had numerous sweet spots to hit, as Justin had been told previously.

When Justin was finally ready, bodies aligned and poised above, he bent low to whisper... " _... you're mine, teddy... as I am yours..._ " He thrust once, inserting deep and fast. He didn't hear a cry nor a moan, but felt two hands come around to hold him steady. Justin remained still for a few seconds, once the fingers loosened on his skin, he went back to thrusting away. He planted his hands, flat, under Ted's arms, pushing upward to conform his pelvis and groin to the ample bottom. Ted untucked his arms from under his body, loosely letting them lay on the mattress, but he pushed his face deeper into the plushness of the pillow. Justin lifted Ted's arms to stretch out from his sides so he could match their limbs, allowing their hands and fingers to blend and tangle. The pacing was sped up, but still no screaming from Ted.

The fierce slapping of naked flesh and the slip-slide of lube and latex filled the air... 

Justin was exhausting himself, so he slowed down the thrusts. He was stunned by how much Ted could take without orgasming or reaching his climax with a cry of pleasure. He got to his knees, still inside, then wanted to flip Ted onto his back. But once he had Ted on his side, the two hands came out again to hold Justin steady. The angle of Justin's cock was hitting the prostate, making Ted grapple for the sheets, moaning out his pleasure as he arched his head back into the pillow. Justin stayed in that position until Ted went quiet again, a shaking hand reaching up to gently push at the chest above him. The blond brows furrowed with concern because it appeared as if Ted was absorbing every rough action done to him, trying _not_ to seek his own ecstasy. Ted turned onto his back on his own, Justin slamming harder as he raised the legs higher on his body. 

Out of breath and sweating profusely, Justin slowed his pace, limply resting on top of the moist, hairy chest. " _... look at me... teddy, please..._ " When the weary, distraught brown eyes met his own, Justin had to swallow with some difficulty. "... wha's wrong?" 

"I'm sorry..." Ted was shaking his head from side-to-side, then threw an arm over his head, blocking his eyes from view. "... I thought I was ready for this." 

" _God, christ..._ " Justin couldn't stand it any longer; he pulled out and jerked himself to an orgasm as he stood on his knees between Ted's spread thighs. He collapsed in exhaustion, falling off his calves to sit on the bed. Justin reached out to hold onto Ted's legs as he almost fell backward. "... no, I'm sorry..." His blue eyes were alerted to the semi-erection that lay crookedly against Ted's body, amidst the dark curls. What the fuck happened? "I get so, uh... focused on one thing--" He chopped his hand from one eye, forward. "I don't 'see', you know?" Ted hadn't removed his arm from over his face, still ashamed of something buried deeply within. "Is it your, uhm... past? Does it sometimes come out when you least it expect it?" Justin really was concerned and wanted to know. 

" _Mmm_..." Ted was mumbling against his inner biceps. "... maybe, but it's not the current reason." 

Justin wrinkled his brow, not sure what that meant. "Oh?" He threw their discarded clothes off the bed, sitting between Ted's legs on the mattress. "Mind if I ask you what happened?" He was going to caress and massage quivering skin as Ted talked. Justin hoped his touch would settle Ted's nerves. 

"No." The arm finally came down, resting on the chest, the other arm was thrown back against the pillows. "You'll find out eventually." Ted kept his eyes closed as he sank lower on the mattress, feeling those gentle fingers on his bare skin. "It was when I realized my meth addiction was pretty bad." The hands were now on his outer thighs, then the tops of his knees. "My 'dealer' invited me to an elite house-party. He had it at this shady hotel room, in Nowhere's Land." Ted blinked his eyes to open, but stared up at the bedroom's ceiling. "There was more than meth there, but I was only after _one_ thing." Now the finger tips reached his inner thighs, skimming over his testicles, his penis and pubic bone to jutting hips. "And I wasn't about to stop for no one... nothing." 

Justin rose to his knees, sitting on the back of his calves. "Did you know anyone?" He made his voice sound lower, softer. 

"No... just my supplier. The Good Doctor." Ted gulped to feel the hands rubbing over pelvis and abdomen, moving slightly up the rib cage. He felt his cock twitch to life, but Justin continued. Ted kept talking, though now he was intently watching the hands touch him. "I took too much, of course, being a 'newbie' an' completely getting hooked from the start." He made a face of discouragement of himself. "I can't seem to just _do_ things... _oh yeah_..." His hips started gyrating as he felt the gentle "play" of his nipples, watching the bending of the blond head to his dark hairy chest to lick and suckle. "... in moderation... _fuuuuuck, yeah!_ " He arched back, pushing his torso outward into Justin's mouth and tongue. "... _now do both_..." His hand automatically went toward his erection as Justin followed the orders with no complaints. 

Justin now reached the collarbone and neck, his fingers stopping at the chin and jawline. "... _teddy_... wha' happen'd?" He was taunting Ted with brushing his hair over his face, tempting him with lips barely near shivering skin. "... wha' did they do to you?" Blue eyes were now even with brown. Justin leaned down on Ted's forehead, pressing a light kiss to the nose tip. 

Releasing his cock, Ted brought his hands up to hold them against Justin's chest above him--able to feel his frantic heartbeat, able to finally see the worry and concern through those expressive eyes. "I was, uh... passed out, in and out of consciousness." He licked his lips, feeling his throat go dry. "They took turns fucking me." 

Justin went still, never expecting _those_ words to come out of Ted's mouth. "... _oh, my gawd..._ Ted..." Now his hands cupped the sides of Ted's face, getting him to look directly up at him, eyes not wavering. His thumbs touched those sweet, tempting lips that quivered. " _... my sweet, sweet teddy bear..._ " 

Ted didn't hear the endearment, only the sound of his name. "... that's not the _worst_ part..." 

" ** _There's worse?!_** " Justin didn't mean for his tone to sound filled with frustration, but it was pissing him off how cruel people could be. Especially to a kind and gentle man like Ted. 

"They, uh... someone had a digital camera there and they filmed it. Their amateur gangbang. For their own warped enjoyment." Ted could never help feeling ashamed or embarrassed for how low he had sunk. "When I finally woke up, they were watching it... pointing an' laughing at me on screen." He gave out an awkward, forced laugh at himself. "... my sad, pathetic performance..." 

"The sex was non-consensual. It was--" 

"Rape." Ted nodded his head slowly, his eyes drawing up Justin's naked body. "... yes, I know... but on tape I looked drowsy from pleasure. Half-awake and enjoying it." He tried to give out a smile, curling a hand about Justin's throat to slope down to the shoulder. 

" ** _Fuck!_** Ted, you haven't--" Justin now felt his heart clench. All this time--the rough sex, the dominance, the ways the fucking went a bit off-key, angry and wild, experimental. He was beginning to understand Ted a little better. A man didn't have much left when he had been torn down physically, emotionally and mentally in the world. To come home and - _in the privacy of his bedroom_ \- have "control", to gain respect back and own your body again--that took such courage and bravery, an awesome power of survival. Justin swallowed hard, feeling his eyes mist with tears. "... no one knows but me..." 

Ted nodded his head. "Not even, Em. Don't tell him, please." He knew he didn't have to beg. 

"No, no... I won't. But, Ted... _teddy... my poor, poor teddy bear..._ " Justin dipped in to kiss the mouth delicately, then caressed over the sweet, doleful face. "... no wonder _this_ wasn't appealing." He shook his head. "I was no better than them." 

" _Hey, hey, hey_..." Ted reached up to grab Justin's face. "You were nothing like them. I wouldn't have put the condom on you if I didn't trust that you would take care of me."

Justin let a tear fall, twisting to kiss the palm nearby as he nodded his head in understanding. He still felt miserable. He fell onto Ted's chest, hugging him tight about the waist. Justin lay between Ted's thighs, able to feel the stiffening length between their bodies. The other tear fell as he tucked his face into Ted's throat. 

"I think I'm okay, in a way. I have my awkward moments. But I got my 'power' back sexually as a Top, stepping into the **BDSM** culture for a few weeks." One finger trailed all over Justin's back. "But I still need some practice being in _this_ position." Ted turned his face to kiss the brow, he could hear the sniffles against his chest. He tried to steel himself to hearing the sobs _for_ him, but it was tough. 

"You got hard for me, despite it all." Justin was finding himself amazed by Ted more than ever. 

" _Mmm-hmm_... you gave a great massage." Ted sighed, nudging his head with Justin's. He wanted him to raise his body above him again. "I'm ready now." He knew he was. He should've insisted on foreplay to get prepared instead of thinking he could just simply move directly into the sex. 

Justin pressed a sound kiss to Ted's lips. "I'm ready, too... though..." He smiled against Ted's mouth. "I definitely need some more kisses..." Ted obliged him. "... feel your body rub against mine..." Ted thrust upward to mesh their fronts and groins, legs tangling. 

As they merged as one, Ted's erection was trapped between them. Justin slunk down in the bed along Ted's shape to grab another condom packet and the lube. Ted quickly took the packet out of Justin's grip and tossed it away to bounce on the mattress. He was making the choice, himself, to only have lube between them this time. He knew he had to "feel" everything his bed partner did to him during sex; it was the only way he believed he could tell the difference. 

_**This...**_ was someone who loved him. _**This...**_ was someone who cared about him and wanted his happiness as much as theirs. _**This...**_ was someone he was growing to love, and would continue to love, if he wanted... 

Justin let out a stilted laugh, looking at Ted with one raised eyebrow    

Ted shrugged his shoulders. "I think _this_ will probably break me of my hang-ups." He gestured to Justin's own naked cock. "You ever--?" 

"Bare-backed? Nah. I've wanted to." Justin slicked up his length. Now an extra reason for growing harder surfaced, not to mention the nerves and pressure to perform. "Can't do it when the guy who fucks you is a poster boy for safe sex." 

It was Ted's turn to laugh and it was a good-natured, full-on belly laugh. His stomach was bumping against Justin's abdomen. "Yeah... I know. What a damper. I tend to be a little more of a 'rebel' in the sex department than him, by the way." 

"I'm getting that and... I like it. In fact, I love it." Justin leaned down to properly kiss Ted, propped upright on one hand beside the dark head on the pillow. "... an' _**I love you**_..." His fingers played in the chest hairs, twisting around the curls.

Ted brought his legs to his chest as Justin slid in with ease again. This time he cried out, planting his feet to the mattress to thrust forward. They both started slow until they felt the rise of pleasure in one anothers' bodies, then picked up speed. The slap-slap of skin-on-skin spurned them on to near violent thrusts against one another. Ted raised his legs to hitch them about Justin's hips. Throwing back his arms, Ted gave himself over... completely and totally free... 

" _... oh, gawd... cum inside me... make me yours..._ " Ted kept his eyes shut, feeling Justin fall forward, meshing their chests as he curled arms underneath to pull him to his body. His mouth and tongue all over Ted's chest, neck and under his chin and along his jaw. Justin rose onto his knees, using his thighs to lift Ted off the mattress and pound away. " _... fuck me..._ " His voice cracked with emotions, tears running down his face, not sweat. " _... I'm yours..._ " Ted had never meant more truer words in his life. Somehow he _knew_... he knew that Justin would take care of him just as equally, if not better. 

They both were somewhat "new" at this relationship... _boyfriend_ -thing. Apparently, that's what they had quietly agreed to be to one another. Committing and discussing a monogamous life together. They could learn and discover things at the same time, both coming to an understanding of what made them "work" and outlast everyone else. It sounded exciting and thrilling, yet daunting to them both, but they were willing and ready. 

Justin had to stop moving as he felt his body quiver, from toes to cock, then he felt the near fire of the anal walls clenching down on him and he came in one long continuous stream. His own semen surrounded his cock as he slowly thrust again and again to make sure there was nothing left. Justin got to his knees to spread the thighs wide as he watched Ted's cocktip leak his ejaculations without being touched. 

They both didn't move too quickly from their positions. Justin didn't pull out and Ted kept his body still. They didn't know what to say, how to fill the silence, out of breath and hearts in their throats.

Ted was the first to reach out, hands spanning Justin's hips and looking down at their intimate connection. He smiled sweetly, not sure if raw sex had been the answer or if it was Justin himself. "... again?" 

"You _sure_?" Justin smiled in response, biting his bottom lip as he placed his hands on either side of Ted's head. 

Ted brought his hands up to hook around Justin's wrists. "I've never been more sure of anything. Ever." 

Justin planted his forearms down, bringing him closer to Ted, laying on top of him. " _Mmm_... I find you very, very attractive, Mr. Schmidt." 

"It's the sex. Leaves them always cumming back for more." 

"No." Justin became serious, eyes staring down with intent. "It's _you, teddy bear_..." He bent to kiss the lips hard and rough. "... it's so very much you." 

Ted let out another little smile, this time with a slight blush. "Wha--? What did you just call me?" 

Justin soothed his hand under Ted's chin, along the jawline. "... you remind me of a teddy bear... not in the, uh... _appearance_ sake, but more of a... 'theoretical' calming/comfort thing. Like how little kids think of their teddy bears. How they cuddle them and hold them close so they can protect them, keep them safe."

"Oh... wow..." Ted had never heard of himself referred to in that manner or thought process. Now... he didn't mind so much the "teddy" portion of his name. At least in the privacy of their bedroom or just between them, Ted would allow Justin to call him that endearment. "... I'm sorry. Momentary pause of contemplation... please... continue..." 

Justin began to thrust slowly, watching Ted close his eyes and push his head backward to offer a stretch of neck. Justin took the skin, licking and biting as his hips increased in tempo. Ted rolled them over, sitting astride the span of Justin's slim body. He pounded down on the cock, making soft cries under his throat as his prostate was hit every single time. He leaned back, hands flat to the bed behind him - _on the outside of Justin's legs_ \- as he rolled his hips. His own cock jutting out and flapping in mid-air with each movement. Ted managed to spin around, back facing Justin as he continued to ride, reaching down to grab Justin's thighs. Justin sat upright as best he could to rest against Ted's curved spine. As they both started to pick up speed, Ted climbed to all fours, Justin following on his knees. 

Once Ted went to grip the footboard there was no stopping them. He counter-thrusted back, needing to be filled and Justin pushed in further, ready to expel his orgasm. Ted rose to his own knees as he came, grabbing his cock to stroke out every last drop. Justin quickly wrapped his arms tight about Ted's torso, matching their bodies as he felt himself clenched so hard that he finally released his own pleasure. Ted slowly collapsed onto the mattress, like dominoes. Justin wasn't far behind, then rolled off. Ted jolted as Justin pulled out as he went to lay on his back. Ted rose to an elbow, waiting for Justin to settle down so he could throw an arm over to pull his body close to his side. 

Ted was nuzzling, sniffling into the side of Justin's face, and without provocation Justin let his own tears flow. He didn't know how or why they began, and surely didn't know when they would stop. Neither of them could wipe away the moisture building fast enough, until they just let them be. Ted cried silently, along with Justin, and they both tried to comfort the other. 

"I don't wanna leave this bed or be away from you."

"I get it. This is a scary and frightening road ahead. It was never going to be easy as who we were as gay men. Not to mention our age differences." Ted rose to rest his head on a bent elbow, throwing an arm across Justin's torso. "But as long as we're together an' we're honest, staying true to each other... I don't see this - _us_ \- failing." He bent low to kiss a shoulder joint, running down the biceps. "Unless one of us tires and gives up." 

"I won't." Justin leaned against Ted, letting him hold him tight to his chest. "Not ever." 

"... and neither will I." Ted whispered near an available ear. 

"... soooo?" Justin was fluttering his lashes, looking up at Ted. 

"... _mmm-hmm_..." Ted swiped a finger over Justin's cheek. "... I suppose I'm saying 'yes' to what you asked me earlier." 

"Y-y-yes?" Justin furrowed his brow in confusion, having forgotten that quickly. " ** _Oh, my!_** " He covered his trembling lips once he realized what Ted was saying "yes" to. "I should care about my neuro appointment tomorrow, but I'm too busy being ecstatically happy that you love me... an' want me." With one arm, Justin rolled into his hug of Ted's body, then quickly let go. "... _you really, really do_..." He lay back down on his back. 

Ted chuckled deeply, sharing a little in that "happiness". "First thing first, we take care of _you_." His finger pointed right at Justin's nose, squishing the tip down. "Once we know where we're headed, then we need to find a good lawyer." 

"Wha--?" Justin wrinkled his brow with some worry. "Why?" 

"Just because we marry - _in some cases we can be considered each other's domestic partner_ \- we need to write out legalities." Ted raised his brows as he went on into that parental, watchful mode. "Should you or I go, first, I don't want there to be any trouble for the one left behind. When all that is squared away and finalized, then we can think about whether you want an actual ceremony or just go to City Hall. So we let people know we're not kidding." 

Justin was nodding his head in agreement, then folding his arms over his middle to grab onto Ted's arm. "I'd like something small. I liked what Linds and Mel did." 

"Well, sorry... Brian's not organizing _this_ one. We'll do it ourselves or bring Emmett in." 

"Do you _care_ about what they might think?" 

"No. I've been under the radar for so long, some controversy might be nice." Ted angled his head so he was looking directly into Justin's eyes, a finger caressing over the soft skin. "But know this--if you're with me, I'm loyal to you and only you." He punctuated his words with pointing at Justin. "No one else. That means I have your 'back' in everything." He hoped that went both ways between them. "That also means I don't cheat on, lie to or steal from you. I don't even bring in outside people to invade what we have. We're a couple - _you and I_. We're partners. Got that?"

" _Mmm-hmm_... we move together in life like we do when we're having sex." Justin threw a leg over Ted as he rolled to his side to face him. "... _thank you_..." He leaned in to peck lips, quickly. 

Ted was a bit bewildered. "What for? I should be thanking you." 

"In a few days, weeks... months... you'll know why." Justin rolled to his side, turning into Ted's chest wall. He sent both arms up and around Ted's neck to lock at the back of his nape. "If, uh... things go the way I hope, I may not be able to tell you right away how grateful I am that I took a chance on you." 

Ted combed back the wisps of blond hair, smiling down at the sweet face looking up at him. " _Mmm_... something tells me you had an ulterior motive for coming back to me, after that first night outside Brian's loft." He watched a sleepy Justin huddle into his chest. 

"It is - _by far_ \- the single most hottest thing I've ever done in my young life." Justin paused in his speaking, not wanting to say he hoped it wouldn't be his last, because it just might end up that way. He closed his eyes as Ted cupped the exposed side of his face. 

"Gosh..." Ted chuckle softly, yet deep. "... five years of promiscuity and now you're learning how hot monogamy is... or can be." 

Justin made a "face" of disgust. "There's monotony in one night stands and anonymous sex. It's not _that_ great." 

"Did Brian bore you..." Ted was laughing heavy, his shoulders shaking. "... or something?" 

"No, he--I think he got bored _with_ me. Or I did something to turn him away, permanently." Justin shrugged both shoulders. He couldn't afford to be too invested or interested in what was wrong with Brian. "He started to see another's face instead of mine. If he's always 'topping' and the one getting hand jobs and blow jobs... I don't feel him really allowing me into his life." 

"Not _once_?" Ted wasn't surprised. Brian didn't seem to be the type to find being a "bottom" that much of a turn-on. 

"Oh, _once_... yeah, but I know how easy it can be to lay there and escape into your own head, take yourself out of the moment." 

"Was it good? Did he... you know?" 

Justin shrugged one shoulder. "It was okay, I guess. But how can anyone compare to Brian when he's seen and done everything? I could've been a cold, lifeless rubber dildo for all he cared." 

"Mmm, yeah. Been there before. Not fun." 

"Can we..." Justin settled down into Ted's chest, resting a cheek on the right breast bone. "... _not_ talk about him for awhile?" 

"Yeah, sure. You know I never got to ask you how your 'talk' with him went." Ted was tucking blond strands behind an ear. "But that can be for later. You tired?" 

"Extremely." Justin sighed, then yawned loudly. "I could sleep for days in these arms." 

"... flatterer..." 

"... _teddy_?" 

" _Hmm_?" 

"... _don' let go_..." 

"Nope. Never." 

"... _love you_..." 

"... _me too, honey... me too_..." Ted felt the body go slack so he felt safe enough to dip toward an ear. "... _so much... I do love you, so much_..." Trying to find a restful peace with no worry for the future, he placed his cheek along Justin's blond locks... and let the droplets fall into the tangles... 

No one the wiser... 

**~ &~&~&~&~&~&~**

**several months later...**

 

When they finally had the legal issues set in line - _and they pretty much knew which option they were taking with Justin's medical concerns_ \- they decided it was time to tell people. Mainly to see who would be _there_ , to stand beside them in their time of need. They wondered if it would be best to speak to everyone separately, doing one-on-one sessions. Or should they simply plan a huge family get-together and tell them all as a group? 

Chickening out, and to save time and sanity, they chose the latter. 

Then they had to decide _where_ to tell them. What place existed that held a significance for Ted and Justin alongwith their group of close friends? Or should they just start off anew and pick out a restaurant or someone's home? 

That one was a little bit tougher to figure out, so they waited... 

And lastly, they had to decide _what_ to tell them and in _which_ order. Should they go with the good news and then the bad? Or should they reverse the order? Only tell one? Or tell them both pieces of news? 

They realized soon enough that they needed an "insider". Someone who knew everybody, through-n-through. The one who could probably give them the most logical answers to their decisions toward how to handle the situation. They couldn't hold off too long, now that things were set in motion to the future... a future together, with no qualms about revealing that they were now - _officially, by legal standards... a couple_. 

This choice was easy... and it was Michael. They decided the night before to call him, spur of the moment. They would invite him to have lunch at the condo, Ted the one making the offer. They were happy when he unabashedly accepted, clearly unaware that he already knew a good majority of what they had to tell him. 

Michael never said a word to Brian, not even telling him that he would be unavailable for lunch. He would go to Ted's condo, have the meal and then figure out, from there, what to let Brian in on. 

Michael knocked on Ted's door, not expecting the paneling to be opened on his first knock. Ted stood there and Michael reacted with a hard hug to his friend. It had been awhile since they had last seen each other, so the sentiment of the long embrace was needed. 

Ted immediately felt calmer, contented, as he turned to bury his face in the inky black hair. It was something near magical that had transformed him into a much more secure and confident man. One who believed he could singlehandedly take care of himself, and the life of the man he loved all while dealing with holding back the problems coming at them from the rest of the world. It was an awesome sense of responsibility, but one Ted gladly took to rather eloquently. 

Justin wasn't anywhere in sight, which was good since Michael had then broken away to reach out and grab the sides of Ted's head to soundly kiss him, directly on the mouth. It wasn't strange or weird. Michael had always been overly emotional, so his actions went in a harmless direction, but displayed his affections honestly. What ended up being strange was Ted's reaction, this time. 

Normally, he would be into the hidden meanings, thinking any minute Michael would look at him in such a way that he would pick up on Ted's "signals" and lean in to confess his true feelings. Now, Ted was a bit worried, looking over his shoulder to make sure Justin hadn't seen the innocent kiss between friends. 

As Michael crossed the threshold to step into the interior of the condo, Justin strolled out of the bedroom. Michael was in the process of taking off his jacket; Justin was wiping his drying hands on the material of his jeans, then pulled down on the cuffs of his button-down shirt. 

The two ex-rivals stared at one another. Despite what Michael now knew of how Brian had been deeply affected, almost traumatized, by Justin, any anger or old annoyance was wiped away by the catch of those wary, wide-eyed look in the blue eyes. Years of wishing Justin gone, or "theoretically" dead, changed and shifted the minute Michael had learned Justin's young life truly _was_ hanging in the balance.

Justin had sense enough to keep his head bowed, a bit humbled, if not slightly humiliated and ashamed for how ridiculously he had behaved for five long years. He gave out a soft side-smile, holding out his hand to shake, hoping they could wipe the slate clean and start fresh. What Justin wasn't ready for was the friendly, welcoming smile, then for Michael to not only take his offered hand, but to then yank him close for a hug. It was one-armed by Michael first, once the handshaking stopped, two arms were used. Oddly, Justin could feel the soothing touches, the near-parental show of affection like "mothering", as Michael whispered low into an ear that everything would be all right. 

That was when Justin felt his demeanor cracking, able to make that dumb youthful veneer disappear that most adults were complete morons and didn't know what they were talking about. He crumbled, burying his face in the pale neck and shoulder, face lost in the soft dark hair. Justin regretted every single wrong action he had taken against Michael, simply because of this _one_ moment. 

Michael drew back, a mist of his own tears in his eyes as he did much the same with Justin as he had done to Ted. He cupped the sides of the face, kissing Justin quickly, then tried to wipe away the falling tears. He hooked an arm about Justin's broad shoulders, motioning for Ted to fit under his other arm. Once he had both men together in his tight circle, he stared at both of them as they looked over at one another. Their arms were around Michael's waist as they slowly shifted toward each other, dipping their heads near. They alternately swiped hands over the others' faces. 

Ted moved to set his arm about Justin's torso, kissing and brushing over Justin's cheek. Justin soaked in the closeness of Ted, mumbling. " _ **... love you...**_ " under his breath meant for Ted alone. 

Michael doubted they even remembered he was still here since they were showing enough private intimacy to make him aware _this_... was as real as real love could get. He felt new tears surfacing, especially when he could detect that Justin had, somehow, deflated the youthful ego and pride. He appeared to be cowering under Ted's quiet affections, but what he really was doing was behaving civilly for the man he loved. Michael thought it was truly an awesome sight, one that made him very pleased, not just because it left Brian alone... but mostly because Ted actually looked... happy? Content, even. Ten times as confident than he ever had been before. 

"So..." Michael interjected as he was drawing backward from the adoring couple, gazing across to one another. "... when's the wedding?" He clearly was trying to joke as he softly punched Ted in the arm, in jest. But the look of seriousness intent passed between Ted and Justin, giving Michael pause. The words weren't any type of joke at all, but an actual reality. " _... ohhhh... shiiiit..._ " 

It was when Ted and Justin turned wide, hopeful eyes on Michael that he realized this moment was going to be a long and extremely interesting lunch... to say the least. 

  


**~ &~&~&~THE END~&~&~&~**


End file.
